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Cry it out - I feel like crying!
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blueberry6




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 10:04 pm
I need some reassurance.
I'm trying to sleep train my baby (almost 6 months) ... past 2-3 nights I started trying to implement a routine, bath, pajamas, story, shema, etc, then put her in the crib and gave her a kiss and said "good night, mommy loves you" and left. She cried for a bit... not more than like 10 min... but eventually fell asleep and slept till the morning ( Very Happy It was amazing! I SLEPT). Once I had to go in to calm her down.
Tonight she's been crying for much longer. It's already 40 min and I went in twice already. She def seems tired but maybe there's something I'm missing? I don't think she's hungry...
As I'm writing this she seems to have quieted down BH... but I just need to know that I'm not being an awful mother. Maybe something's bothering her and that's why she was crying for so much longer? It's so hard to hear her screaming Crying
And for those of you who's done this, is it supposed to work like this? Like amazing for a couple of nights but then to sort of regress? I mean... 40 minutes? I can't
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rmbg




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 10:18 pm
Don’t do it. You’re the mother, and if it doesn’t feel
Right to you, trust your own feelings, not what the experts or the books say.
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amother




Yellow
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 10:24 pm
Please don’t do that to your baby! It’s cruel to let her cry for 40 minutes. That’s eternity for a 6 month old baby. The poor baby is probably hungry and for sure thirsty from all that crying. I’m sure you mean well but your motherly instinct is telling you that this isn’t right. Hashem gave you that instinct to protect your baby. Enjoy your baby!
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blueberry6




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 10:26 pm
But it did work. And it worked tonight (eventually). And tbh, I'm at my wits' end otherwise. I do think this is the option that makes the most sense, for a few reasons, and I knew going in that it was going to be hard, but it's harder than I thought. I don't think she'll have any long-term psychological damage... I guess I just want some reassurance from anyone who's used this method successfully in the past
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amother




Olive
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 10:26 pm
Uh- no!
6 month old baby is allowed to cry for 6 minutes.
One minute per month, up to a year.
2-3 month old baby is allowed to wake up for feedings! Goodness!
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Tzutzie




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 10:27 pm
Your baby is still so little! Are you sure shes not hungry?
I know how heartbreaking it is to hear them cry Sad
Im trying to sleep train my 16 mo. (Yeah I know I started late).
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amother




Lilac
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 10:28 pm
I'm sure you mean well leep training a six month old in this manner is abusive imho. They have no way of expressing their needs, or any understanding of time, that they haven't been abandoned forever.
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riks




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 10:28 pm
I’m so happy to see these responses - I agree - please don’t let her cry
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amother




Lilac
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 10:30 pm
blueberry6 wrote:
But it did work. And it worked tonight (eventually). And tbh, I'm at my wits' end otherwise. I do think this is the option that makes the most sense, for a few reasons, and I knew going in that it was going to be hard, but it's harder than I thought. I don't think she'll have any long-term psychological damage... I guess I just want some reassurance from anyone who's used this method successfully in the past


Of course it "worked." Your helpless baby eventually gave up expressing that she needs her mommy.

If I put you in jail, eventually you'd stop rattling the bars too. Does that mean it "worked"?
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NotLazySusan




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 10:31 pm
Like other people here, I feel strongly against sleep training. I’d recommend you don’t ask for tips on a public forum bec you’re bound to be told off. instead find ask people you know irl who sleep train their babies. Good luck!
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amother




Yellow
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 10:32 pm
blueberry6 wrote:
But it did work. And it worked tonight (eventually). And tbh, I'm at my wits' end otherwise. I do think this is the option that makes the most sense, for a few reasons, and I knew going in that it was going to be hard, but it's harder than I thought. I don't think she'll have any long-term psychological damage... I guess I just want some reassurance from anyone who's used this method successfully in the past

Sorry. I’m sure you mean well but it’s really cruel to let your baby cry like that. She isn’t even 6 months yet. Please don’t do it.
You will regret this one day. You have no idea if she is in pain or uncomfortable. She is probably hungry. Did you offer her a bottle or breastfeed her when you went into her.
What does “ work “ mean anyways? It means the baby eventually gave up as no one listened to her cries. Honestly this is sad to read.
Please enjoy your baby and there are gentle methods for helping a mom and baby get some sleep. Just don’t CIO and even more so at this young age- not even 6 months old.
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blueberry6




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 10:36 pm
Wow, now I feel really heartless. Guess I'm not getting any help here...
For all those who are wondering, I did some research and I spoke to a few people (including my mother! who is one of the most wonderful, NOT heartless people I know) ... based on that this does seem to be an accepted method, AND the right age to start doing it.
I fed her a few times before I put her in so she shouldn't be hungry. She's slept through the night before without an issue, it just was never consistent - so that's what I'm aiming for. And I wasn't ignoring her for 40 minutes! I went in a few times to talk to her, and the crying was on and off anyway.
I'm just trying to establish a routine here, that's all.
Thanks anyway, ladies.
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tichellady




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 10:40 pm
I totally support sleep training and it’s normal for it to not work as well after a few days. Sounds like it’s going well! It’s very hard but totally worth it for you and your baby. Your baby needs to sleep well and it’s a gift to teach her how to do it. I wish it were easier!
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amother




Forestgreen
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 11:00 pm
I have sleep trained several babies using this method. It feels absolutely horrible... but it works. I remember the first time I did it my baby (9 months old and still waking up every 3 hours at night) cried over an hour the first night, 40 minutes the second night, 20 minutes the third night... and that was it! She slept through the night after that and was a much happier baby during the day. I remember sitting in my bed listening to her scream and reading the "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" book to reassure myself I was doing the same thing. That baby is now 17 and BH a very happy well adjusted teenager!

I think with some of my younger children I didn't have the heart to let them cry for that long... and it dragged out the sleep training process for weeks or months.

I truly believe that learning to put oneself to sleep is an important life skill. Thankfully some of my babies did it by themselves at a young age, but for those that didn't, sleep training was unpleasant but necessary--and ultimately very worthwhile for everyone.
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Learning




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 11:08 pm
Don’t do it. Babies are human beings with neshamas. Would you like to scream in the dark for hours in a strange new world? Eventually they give up on you coming and on the world. It’s not even allowed by Halacha. Chazal said that a mother that lets gamer baby cry with no reason is going to pay for it. Teaching the baby to sleep is not a reason. Running from a burning house is a reason. There is no teaching to sleep. Sleeping is a natural instinct that hashem put in us. Ask for mechila and hashem is going to forgive you on yom kipur.
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imorethanamother




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 11:08 pm
We were all sleep trained as infants and none of us are any worse for wear. I did it too for most of my babies when they turned 6 months. It’s necessary!

I totally support you, OP. I thought I was going to lose my mind by six months, I had a job and other kids and I couldn’t function anymore. Sleep deprivation is gradual and cumulative and there’s a reason why it’s an actual torture device. Happy mommy, happy baby.

My youngest, who I lost the heart to sleep train? He’s still in my bed. He’s in elementary school. He woke up constantly for years. YEARS.
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tichellady




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 11:12 pm
amother [ Indigo ] wrote:
Don’t do it. Babies are human beings with neshamas. Would you like to scream in the dark for hours in a strange new world? Eventually they give up on you coming and on the world. It’s not even allowed by Halacha. Chazal said that a mother that lets gamer baby cry with no reason is going to pay for it. Teaching the baby to sleep is not a reason. Running from a burning house is a reason. There is no teaching to sleep. Sleeping is a natural instinct that hashem put in us. Ask for mechila and hashem is going to forgive you on yom kipur.


There is lots of research on this saying that sleep training is not harmful and can actually be beneficial . Not all children need to be sleep trained and not everyone needs to do it but for some families it’s imperative. Let everyone talk to their pediatrician and make their own decisions.
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lilies




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 11:16 pm
I have nothing against establishing a proper sleeping routine, but this particular method starts you off on the wrong foot regarding healthy attachment development.
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amother




Silver
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 11:17 pm
tichellady wrote:
There is lots of research on this saying that sleep training is not harmful and can actually be beneficial . Not all children need to be sleep trained and not everyone needs to do it but for some families it’s imperative. Let everyone talk to their pediatrician and make their own decisions.

I wonder what would happen if I would argue the same for spanking as a discipline method? After all, most of us were spanked and turned out fine, and many would argue that it's not harmful and can actually be beneficial.

(I personally do sleep train, but not CIO. I use Elizabeth Pantley's book.)

BTW, I have no idea why you would rely on a pediatrician for PARENTING advice. They may be experts on the medical side, but know less about toilet training and sleep training methods than most mothers.
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imorethanamother




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 11:27 pm
amother [ Silver ] wrote:
I wonder what would happen if I would argue the same for spanking as a discipline method? After all, most of us were spanked and turned out fine, and many would argue that it's not harmful and can actually be beneficial.

(I personally do sleep train, but not CIO. I use Elizabeth Pantley's book.)

BTW, I have no idea why you would rely on a pediatrician for PARENTING advice. They may be experts on the medical side, but know less about toilet training and sleep training methods than most mothers.


If you’re looking to experts, then look no further than this cohort study that showed the babies who had to cry it out occasionally had no attachment or development issues.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/r.....5.htm
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