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Forum -> Judaism
I want a person to tell me I am forgiven



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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, Sep 25 2020, 5:04 am
There are things in my life I deeply regret and I have done teshuva as best as I understand. However, I have no peace. I feel that I need a person to tell me that I am forgiven, that it's ok, that I don't need to feel guilt and shame forever.

Am I lacking some type of emunah by not trusting that Hashem accepts my teshuva, or is this a normal need (that should be met)?
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Fri, Sep 25 2020, 5:08 am
I would speak to a Rav. It could be that a three person bet din can give you the validation that you need.
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NotInNJMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 25 2020, 6:05 am
Did you ask for forgiveness from that person?
Also, one cannot demand a person forgive you or even tell you that you are forgiven, certainly if the offense was egregious. Forgiveness is about healing the wrong one did to another, not healing one's discomfort with his guilt.
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ExtraCredit




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 25 2020, 6:07 am
NotInNJMommy wrote:
Did you ask for forgiveness from that person?
Also, one cannot demand a person forgive you or even tell you that you are forgiven, certainly if the offense was egregious. Forgiveness is about healing the wrong one did to another, not healing one's discomfort with his guilt.


It doesn’t sound like she’s talking about bein Adam lachaveiro!
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amother
Sapphire


 

Post Fri, Sep 25 2020, 6:23 am
.
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NotInNJMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 25 2020, 6:23 am
ExtraCredit wrote:
It doesn’t sound like she’s talking about bein Adam lachaveiro!


Hmm...You may be right. I assumed since they needed a person to say they were forgiven, that it was bein adam l'chaveiro...

I'm not sure another person can tell us that Hashem has forgiven us for sins between us and Him. We have to do our best at tshuvah and trust that Hashem forgives us, knowing that that's what He really wants to do.

(I grew up Catholic and the idea of getting BD to declare one forgiven by Hashem feels a bit like going to confession to have a priest forgive/tell one that they are forgiven. That's now how I roll now...Is that even a thing BD can do?)
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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Fri, Sep 25 2020, 6:40 am
ExtraCredit wrote:
It doesn’t sound like she’s talking about bein Adam lachaveiro!
Good point. I also initially interpreted it as forgiveness from a person.

in Yahadus, unlike catholicism, we don't have priests who hear our confession, assign penances and provide absolution. We speak directly to Hashem, Who gave us the gift of yom kippur to atone for our sins. if we have done teshuvah, we can safely assume at the end of yk that Hashem has forgiven us. That's what the piyyut "Solachti" is all about, and that's why the final Kaddish at the end of Neilah is sung with a lively, festive niggun and tempo.

It's a sin to consider yourself unforgivable. Hashem told us that if you do teshuvah He will forgive--are you doubting His word?
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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, Sep 25 2020, 6:50 am
amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:
Good point. I also initially interpreted it as forgiveness from a person.

in Yahadus, unlike catholicism, we don't have priests who hear our confession, assign penances and provide absolution. We speak directly to Hashem, Who gave us the gift of yom kippur to atone for our sins. if we have done teshuvah, we can safely assume at the end of yk that Hashem has forgiven us. That's what the piyyut "Solachti" is all about, and that's why the final Kaddish at the end of Neilah is sung with a lively, festive niggun and tempo.

It's a sin to consider yourself unforgivable. Hashem told us that if you do teshuvah He will forgive--are you doubting His word?


Maybe it's that I don't forgive my self.
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amother
Natural


 

Post Fri, Sep 25 2020, 7:18 am
"Forgiveness is about healing the wrong one did to another, not healing one's discomfort with his guilt."

I love this!
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 25 2020, 7:37 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Maybe it's that I don't forgive my self.


Hashem gave us Guilt and a Conscience to get us to do Teshuva and not repeat the sin.

Once that is done, Guilt has no purpose and is a tool of the Yetzer Harah to cause depression
and to lie to us that Hashem does not forgive us to destroy our relationship - closeness with
Hashem.

Reject these lies from the Yetzer HoRah!

Speak to Rav about this.
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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Fri, Sep 25 2020, 7:42 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Maybe it's that I don't forgive my self.


Bingo. But by not forgiving yourself you are disrespecting the KBH. Who are you to be stricter than He is? It's like lehavdil asking your rav a shailah, he says it's kosher, and you don't believe him and throw the food out anyway.

You're also showing a lack of faith in Him. If He forgives you, then you're forgiven, period. The slate's been wiped clean. Refusing to forgive yourself shows that you don't believe the slate's been wiped clean.
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lilies




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 25 2020, 8:48 am
I think we're back to toxic shame.
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