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Can I pass things to another man?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sat, Sep 26 2020, 7:48 pm
How do the laws of harkachos work with passing things to a man I’m not married to?
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amother




Olive
 

Post  Sat, Sep 26 2020, 8:01 pm
No such halacha
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amother




Cerise
 

Post  Sat, Sep 26 2020, 8:02 pm
There are no harchakos between people who aren’t married.
Some chassidim are makpid not to pass things, I assume because they want to avoid accidental touching. This is not a Halacha but only a minhag in those communities.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sat, Sep 26 2020, 8:19 pm
Thank you Smile
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amother




Brown
 

Post  Sat, Sep 26 2020, 8:23 pm
This always irked me. My brother in law can pass his few week old baby daughter to me, to give to his wife, rather than handing his baby to his wife, who he is married to.
Awkward and uncomfortable.
Nope.
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amother




Aqua
 

Post  Sat, Sep 26 2020, 8:33 pm
amother [ Brown ] wrote:
This always irked me. My brother in law can pass his few week old baby daughter to me, to give to his wife, rather than handing his baby to his wife, who he is married to.
Awkward and uncomfortable.
Nope.


Speak to your legislator and have the law changed.
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amother




Cerise
 

Post  Sat, Sep 26 2020, 9:32 pm
amother [ Brown ] wrote:
This always irked me. My brother in law can pass his few week old baby daughter to me, to give to his wife, rather than handing his baby to his wife, who he is married to.
Awkward and uncomfortable.
Nope.


It’s only awkward and uncomfortable if you make it so.
Personally I find that being matter of fact And relaxed about these things goes a long way towards making everyone comfortable.
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amother




Apricot
 

Post  Sun, Sep 27 2020, 12:46 am
lol! Remind me of this funny story!
We were married a few months and I was nidda, my husband knocked on neighbor's door to give them back something and when she opened the door he put item... on the floor!! LOL
He came home all embarrassed!
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malki2




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Sep 27 2020, 12:51 am
No you can’t and the reason why more harchakos exist between husband and wife is because the two of you live together in seclusion. That’s why the Chachomim required the extra level of separation.
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Blessing1




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Sep 27 2020, 12:53 am
I try whenever possible not to give over to a man. If I have to give over for whatever reason, I make sure we won't touch.
I don't think it's halacha not to give over, just an extra chumra to prevent touching a man.
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amother




Cyan
 

Post  Sun, Sep 27 2020, 3:17 am
Gaaah, many years ago I handed some important documents in a hurry to a chashuve rav and his and my pinky finger touched accidentally. I was mortified! Still remember it after all this time.
Guess I should have put the papers just down somewhere.
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amother




Khaki
 

Post  Sun, Sep 27 2020, 3:23 am
amother [ Aqua ] wrote:
Speak to your legislator and have the law changed.


Or ask a shaila. You may be surprised. Our rav allows us to pass a baby because it's a person not an object and it's often not safe to pass a baby any other way than from person to person.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Sep 27 2020, 3:31 am
Blessing1 wrote:
I try whenever possible not to give over to a man. If I have to give over for whatever reason, I make sure we won't touch.
I don't think it's halacha not to give over, just an extra chumra to prevent touching a man.


Thank you for reminding me of one of my biggest pet peeves. Grocery shopping on Thursday afternoons is the worst. Leave your house at your own risk. Social distancing, what's that?

Men who are so careful not to touch, and won't even glance at my pinky finger, will slam FULL BODY into me on the street when they are late for mincha. They will shove me aside to get on the bus, as if the bus will leave without them unless they get on first.

Heaven forbid they see me or hand my my change directly, but when it comes to navigating the sidewalk, it's a full on contact sport, and no space is given! I swear, some days I feel like I should be wearing hockey pads for protection, I get slammed around so much.

One time when I was in Geulah, I had a man shove me right off the curb, in front of an oncoming car.

How is that OK? Mad
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amother




Cyan
 

Post  Sun, Sep 27 2020, 3:47 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
Thank you for reminding me of one of my biggest pet peeves. Grocery shopping on Thursday afternoons is the worst. Leave your house at your own risk. Social distancing, what's that?

Men who are so careful not to touch, and won't even glance at my pinky finger, will slam FULL BODY into me on the street when they are late for mincha. They will shove me aside to get on the bus, as if the bus will leave without them unless they get on first.

Heaven forbid they see me or hand my my change directly, but when it comes to navigating the sidewalk, it's a full on contact sport, and no space is given! I swear, some days I feel like I should be wearing hockey pads for protection, I get slammed around so much.

One time when I was in Geulah, I had a man shove me right off the curb, in front of an oncoming car.

How is that OK? Mad


You've got a point. While I still worry about the pinky finger contact 20 years later, see above, I once had a hareidi man sitting half on my lap. It was in a sherut taxi to the airport in Israel. There was only one free seat left in it, next to me, and this overweight frum guy came barreling in at the last moment and threw himself on the seat next to me. It was not just sitting next to a woman, it was sitting half on the woman (me), because the guy was broader than his seat. The whole way from Jerusalem to Ben Gurion airport.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Sep 27 2020, 4:19 am
amother [ Cyan ] wrote:
You've got a point. While I still worry about the pinky finger contact 20 years later, see above, I once had a hareidi man sitting half on my lap. It was in a sherut taxi to the airport in Israel. There was only one free seat left in it, next to me, and this overweight frum guy came barreling in at the last moment and threw himself on the seat next to me. It was not just sitting next to a woman, it was sitting half on the woman (me), because the guy was broader than his seat. The whole way from Jerusalem to Ben Gurion airport.


Interesting how some people are only makpid when it's convenient for them, and other times "to heck with you, I'll do what I want."

Kind of like wearing a mask, isn't it? Can't Believe It
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amother




Brown
 

Post  Sun, Sep 27 2020, 6:40 am
amother [ Khaki ] wrote:
Or ask a shaila. You may be surprised. Our rav allows us to pass a baby because it's a person not an object and it's often not safe to pass a baby any other way than from person to person.


It's not my baby I'm talking about, I said when people pass to me vs to their own spouse. I'm not asking my Rav what they should do.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Sep 27 2020, 7:37 am
amother [ Khaki ] wrote:
Or ask a shaila. You may be surprised. Our rav allows us to pass a baby because it's a person not an object and it's often not safe to pass a baby any other way than from person to person.

Yup, same here.
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amother




Bronze
 

Post  Sun, Sep 27 2020, 8:18 am
amother [ Apricot ] wrote:
lol! Remind me of this funny story!
We were married a few months and I was nidda, my husband knocked on neighbor's door to give them back something and when she opened the door he put item... on the floor!! LOL
He came home all embarrassed!


Reminds me of when I went back to teach after maternity leave and still was Nida and my assistant asked for a stapler and I put it on the desk instead of handing it to her... I laughed at myself when I realized what I did
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Raisel




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Sep 27 2020, 1:49 pm
amother [ Brown ] wrote:
This always irked me. My brother in law can pass his few week old baby daughter to me, to give to his wife, rather than handing his baby to his wife, who he is married to.
Awkward and uncomfortable.
Nope.


He's into her.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 28 2020, 3:24 pm
malki2 wrote:
No you can’t and the reason why more harchakos exist between husband and wife is because the two of you live together in seclusion. That’s why the Chachomim required the extra level of separation.
Are you saying a woman can NOT pass things to a man that is not her husband?
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