Celebrating Birthdays

Motek

Tue, Nov 02 2004, 11:57 am

The day a neshama (soul) comes down to the world is a cause of celebration. When the neshamos of tzaddikim come down, the heavens rejoice, because they will do what they were sent down here to do.

But what about ordinary people? Aren't they likely to mess up? The Lubavitcher Rebbe says that at this stage of galus (exile), with so little left to do before Geula, everybody may and should celebrate their birthday, because no doubt they will take care of the final things that need correcting.

On your birthday, your mazal is dominant and helps you.

Your birthday is your personal Rosh Ha'Shana

Birthday customs (as initiated by the Lubavitcher Rebbe):

1) for men: aliya to the Torah on the birthday or on the preceding Shabbos

2) give tzedaka before shacharis and mincha (on Shabbos, give day before)

3) study an extra seder in Nigleh (non-esoteric part of Torah) and Chassidus, besides regular shiurim

4) spend time in seclusion, reflecting on the past. For those things that need correcting or teshuva, do so

5) Picture a yechidus (private audience with the Rebbe) you once had, remember what you asked the Rebbe and what he answered, and then study his teachings

6) spend extra time on your davening, meditating on gadlus ha'Borei (greatness of the Creator). Also say Tehillim with great kavana, including (if possible) one whole book of Tehillim

7) study the chapter of Tehillim which corresponds to your age and begin saying it daily (if you are 20 on your birthday, you start saying chapter 21)

8 ) (generally for men:) study a maamar Chassidus (chasidic discourse) by heart, and then recite it at your birthday party or at shalosh seudos the following Shabbos

9) reach out to other Jews, teach them Torah in general and especially Chassidus, in the spirit of true ahavas Yisrael

10) make a new hachlata (resolution) that you can handle, or commit to more of a hiddur (enhancement) in some area, beginning with an additional Chassidus

11) Celebrate with family and friends, giving praise and thanks to Hashem (possibly saying the shehechiyanu bracha on a new fruit)

gryp

Thu, Nov 04 2004, 9:20 am

I heard about a beautiful bday party yesterday. The child was turning 7 so and the mother makes sure to have a Jewish theme each birthday. The theme here was "kol hashvi'in chavivin" "all sevens are beloved." Every kid in his class recieved a copy of "kapitol" ches (chapter 8) framed. on the other side of it was a list of 25 (one for each student in the class)different things in Yiddishkeit that are seven, for example, shabbos, 7 kosher animals in the tevah, the Rebbe (is the 7th Rebbe), ... around each party bag was a paper with one of the sayings, and the kids had a fun time seeing which one they got with their party bag.

I had an idea that until my children turn bas/bar mitzvah I would like to theme each birthday (and year) with one of the 12 psukim that the (Lubavitcher)Rebbe emphasized so much is important for each child to know. just an idea...

Motek

Thu, Nov 04 2004, 10:20 am

wow! I'm very impressed by the thought the mother put into it!

Quote:

I had an idea ...

nice!

Yael: I wonder if the Rebbe said anything about little children and celebrating birthdays, bec. obviously, they can't do anything on the list except put a coin in the pushka and have a party!

here's just my own thought - maybe, just as little girls don't light a Shabbos candle until they're 3 (or until they understand what they're doing), maybe there's no point in children who don't comprehend what's going on, having a party

a different thought, again I don't know if the Rebbe said any such thing - but maybe, just as many parents say their children's chapters of Tehillim even when their children are able to say it on their own, maybe these birthday customs can be done by the parent for their children who are too young to understand

Rochel Leah

Thu, Nov 04 2004, 11:23 am

For my sons first brithday, on the night of his birthday we went my in laws and I made him a cake. all his uncles sat around the tabel with mysonin his highchair at the head..We all sang the pesukim together- each child had a turn to say one. we gave tzedakah. I helped sz put in his. I read the hayom yom and they had cake and candies. Even though SZ wasnt able to sing along or that , his neshama heard it and for the moment he enjoyed it, being the center of attention ( even though he always is at my in laws house). we made a joke that his hachlata was that he wouldnt disturb his parents sleep and start sleeping through- believe it or not two weeks later he did start sleeping through.

we had aparty at the park for our friends and their kids. obviously sz will not remember it, but for the moment he had agood time.and he will see the pictures.

zuncompany

Thu, Nov 04 2004, 12:12 pm

We made a choice that until three no parties. Until than this is our plan and what we did with Zu. It was a special family day. Email, computer, phones, cell phones were all turned off. That morning my husband said Zu's old and new kapitals with him. We all gave extra tzedakah (I helped Zu). We made a hachlata for him... tzedakah every day and a little bit of davening in the morning (modeh ani, torah torah, and shema). We make sure every day to do this with him. We also made a ferbregen... just the three of us. We sang niggunim, had pizza and cake, my husband gave over some chassidus. It was so so nice. Thats our plan until they hit three... upsherns will be big cause we don't live in a big community and when their is a simcha everyone comes out. Its really nice. After that, we will see... I have a year and a half to think it over:)
Sara

ForeverYoung
Guest

Thu, Nov 04 2004, 1:38 pm

sorry to be a kill-joy, but

1.the 1st person to be mentioned to have a b-day party in the Torah is... paroh.

2. A mashal. a convict was riding on a train to his execution site. It was a long trip. On every stop, he asked his watchemen to buy as much food & drin as possible, b/c he knew that these are his last chances to eat & get drunk. However, at some point he got very depressed that he had such a long ride, & he didn't utilise it in any way (like to write a letter of appeal), but squandered it on eating & drinking. Explanation: our life is like that train. Only H' knows when we will reach the last stop (till 120, BE'H).Each year we spiritually grow & more is expected of us. B-day is not a party time, it's time for reflection on purpose for which H' brought us down to this Earth.

I try to avoid the party as much as possible. (There is, of course, b/day party in school, but b/c it's school, it's very low-kew)

On B-day I try to talk to my kids how much bigger they became, how much they learned, & how much better they can serve H' now with new skills. I also make a cake & make the b/day child feel special.

micki

Thu, Nov 04 2004, 2:36 pm

you know the lubav. rebbe was always very big on making birthday parties. look at how tzivos hashem sends out a reminder, asks what the child did, puts out a cheklist of things for the kids to do. we have celebrated each childs birthday from day one. it is a special day.
when they don't have "friends" yet until 3 - 4 we make a party at home with family and neighbors. we say the 12 psukim give tzedaka sing and ask what hachlata the child should have. my hubby and I say the kids capitol if they are too young.
and even when we have friends then we do the same just also add a project for the kids to do plus some games.
they also have a party in school but to me that doesn't count, cause the teacher is in control, not us. so we do something at home too.
its a very important day!!!!

Motek

Thu, Nov 04 2004, 2:57 pm

Quote:

Only H' knows when we will reach the last stop (till 120, BE'H).

the Rebbe, who initiated this, addresses your point - see 2nd paragraph of my first post

Quote:

Each year we spiritually grow & more is expected of us. B-day is not a party time, it's time for reflection on purpose for which H' brought us down to this Earth.

On B-day I try to talk to my kids how much bigger they became, how much they learned, & how much better they can serve H' now with new skills. I also make a cake & make the b/day child feel special.

that's what it's all about! precisely so! so although it sounded like you disagreed, it turns out you mark a birthday in a very special and appropriate way!

ForeverYoung
Guest

Thu, Nov 04 2004, 3:20 pm

Quote:

everybody may and should celebrate their birthday, because no doubt they will take care of the final things that need correcting.

On your birthday, your mazal is dominant and helps you.

1. I see no logic in the 1st statement. everybody should selebrate b/c they will correct for sure. I see no connection here.

2. Jews do not and should not care about Mazal.

Hey, guys, if parties work for you, go ahead. I'll let my kids come Wink

Motek

Thu, Nov 04 2004, 3:52 pm

Quote:

1. I see no logic in the 1st statement. everybody should selebrate b/c they will correct for sure. I see no connection here.

because you need the entire quote to understand it

it said:

Quote:

at this stage of galus (exile), with so little left to do before Geula, everybody may and should celebrate their birthday, because no doubt they will take care of the final things that need correcting.

as for mazal, true, Jews are above mazal

that means, Jews are not bound by their mazal and can rise above it, but we certainly do have a mazal

don't you wish people 'mazal tov'?

ForeverYoung
Guest

Thu, Nov 04 2004, 4:23 pm

Mazal Tov is not good luck.
we say it as congratualtions for something that already happened, not as a wish.

I still do not see how the approaching end of galus connects with teshuva.
The Jews always knew that if they're deserving, Mashiah will come NOW. so how can a default end of galus make people more serious about it?

If I know I get a candy now for beign a good girl or in an hour regardless of my behavior, I could wait....

Again, I'm not Lubavich, but you are - you've go to follow the Rebbi's teachings. I just expressed what I think.
As I said, I'll send my kids to a party when he's invited.

Motek

Thu, Nov 04 2004, 5:07 pm

Quote:

Mazal Tov is not good luck.
we say it as congratualtions for something that already happened, not as a wish.

maybe that's what you mean when you say it
others say it and wish the person mazal, as a blessing

the astrological sign you are born under, is your mazal

some examples from Torah - Hashem placed Avrohom above the stars and said he would have a son, because "under the stars", meaning, with his natural mazal, he could not have a son, but since a Jew is not bound by his mazal, Avrohom could be raised "above the stars," above his mazal, and have a son

King Dovid was born under the sign of madim - Mars, and one born under this sign is likely to shed blood, as Dovid did, in good ways

Quote:

I still do not see how the approaching end of galus connects with teshuva.

there are many things that had to be "taken care of" in galus, by us, lots of "elevating of sparks," lots of things that needed correcting. At this point in history, says the Lubavitcher Rebbe, collectively, we have done the teshuva needed before Moshiach comes, though individually we still have our personal work to do. And these personal and final things we need to fix, will surely be done, says the Rebbe, and therefore we don't need to be concerned about "messing up"

Quote:

The Jews always knew that if they're deserving, Mashiah will come NOW. so how can a default end of galus make people more serious about it?

when you know something is going to happen, and it may even happen today, and you pray and expect that it happens today, it is still no comparison to knowing that we have actually reached messianic times

the Chofetz Chaim, for example, to name a non-Chasid, who passed away in the 30's, wrote and urged people to anticipate Moshiach's coming because he called the times he lived in "ikvesda d'meshicha" (lit. the heels of Moshiach), the period right before Moshiach's coming

Quote:

Again, I'm not Lubavich, but you are - you've go to follow the Rebbi's teachings. I just expressed what I think

expressing, asking is fine!
generally, the Rebbe explained his reasoning when asking that people do something, so although yes, chasidim are expected to follow their Rebbe's teachings (otherwise, they're not chasidim!), when it comes to the Rebbe's instructions, they're meant to be understood and appreciated

Motek

Sun, Nov 07 2004, 11:50 am

great minds ... Smile

here's a story that shows how Jews have mazal but we can rise above it:

Astrologers told Rabbi Akiva that a snake would bite and kill his daughter on the day of her wedding. On her wedding night, she took the jeweled pin from her hair and stuck it into the wall; in the morning light she saw that her pin was stuck through the head of a snake which had been poised to bite her! Rabbi Akiva asked her, "My daughter! Some good deed must have saved you from this snake. Can you think what it might have been?" "Well," she answered, "last night a poor man came to the wedding, but everyone was too busy with the feast to notice, so I gave him my portion of food."

In other words, the astrologers understood correctly, that according to Rabbi Akiva's daughter's mazal, she would die. But she was able to avoid this with her act of kindness.