is honesty always the best policy?

Yael

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 11:04 am

From babycenter.com:

Quote:

"Would you tell your picky eater there's nothing green in his spaghetti sauce — when you really blended in some spinach? Or say the TV is broken, just to get your kids playing outside? Deliberately misleading your children — for their benefit or yours — can make some parenting tasks easier. Do you think it's okay to fudge the truth sometimes, or should parents aim for 100 percent honesty?"

what do you think?

happymom

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 11:39 am

I dont think Lying is allowed (if its because its easier...).... even if youre kids dont realize (they will one day) im sure there are other ways...

Last edited by happymom on Wed, Sep 21 2005, 2:33 pm; edited 1 time in total

AweSumThenSum

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 11:43 am

honesty is not always the best policy. in fact, the torah permits lying when it is for the sake of peace and tznius.

613

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 12:12 pm

I really try to never lie to my kids. If she asks for a lollypop, I know some mothers will answer "oh, they're all gone" but if I do have some in the house, I'll answer "not now, maybe another day"- it may bring more of a tantrum than the first answer, but she'll be upset either way.
aweSum, you're right - mutar l'shanos mpnei hashalom - so for "peace" I could say the lollipops are all gone?

Yael

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 12:13 pm

but a simple thing like is there vegies in the sauce? are u supposed to say yes I hid some spinach inside. or say something else that they wont think there is anything in it and eat it and not know the difference.

chochma73

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 1:24 pm

roza I like your answer!

I would not lie but would tell my kids my reasons for not giving them something or tell them later and in regards to something like spinich in the sauce would do as roza suggested or say something like what is wrong with greens? it makes you healthy!

shayna82

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 1:25 pm

tovah I like your answer, if you lie to your kids then they will never trust you,

stem

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 1:28 pm

Lying, even small "white" lies, will cause damage to yourself as you become desensitized to lying. After a while you will find yourself easily saying things that are not 100% true. Better not to go that way at all.

shanie5

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 2:31 pm

I would not lie. I would avoid answering straight. "would I do that?" (yes)
"does it taste like there is?" "did you do your h.w.yet?" "why, do you see any mold in MY sauce?" Wink

happymom

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 2:37 pm

Quote:

or say something like what is wrong with greens? it makes you healthy!

I think kids dont need a reason for not liking something... whether its healthy or not.. its just something they don't like... could be there isn't a reason.. but I don't think explaining why they SHOULD like it helps.

chochma73

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 2:41 pm

my kids are still to young to tell me why they don't like something but they have been learning in school how good it is to eat healthy. so (most of the time) if I say it is healthy they will at least give it a try!

ElTam

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 3:17 pm

I don't think you should lie for the examples given. Lying to make your life easier (are there veggies in the sauce, do we have any lollipops?) doesn't seem like it would be permissible to. I don't think that's the same as telling a white lie for shalom bayis or to protect children from things they shouldn't know. A child needs to learn to listen to their parents, do what they are told, etc. Lying to avoid teaching them those lessons is a bad idea IMHO.

proudmom

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 3:20 pm

My daughter that is 4 years old learned in school that onoins are good for her blood. Since she learned it she has been eating raw onoins even though she doesnt like it. I am happy that she is eating things because its good for her.

Tefila

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 4:45 pm

Quote:

tell: "does not look like there is any green in it" (it's botel, you know

Roza good answer Rolling Laughter

Lying outright no!
However it depends, I mean when I tell my daughter that she will grow tall like mommy if she eats her vegtables is that a lye coz how would I know 4 sure plus I know people that eat terribly and r still tall Confused

. Or that if they drink milk they will be strong Confused

supermom

Thu, Sep 22 2005, 4:33 am

proudmom wrote:

my kids are the same way with my mil. she eats for breakfast three pieces of raw garlic, whole wheat bread, olive oil, and brewsies yeast sp. and when my kids see her eat it they look at her wierd but she says its healthy and then they eat it too. don't know how they eat it Rolling Eyes

grosses me out to eat oil and the yeast. no matter how healthy it is.

supermom

Thu, Sep 22 2005, 4:35 am

yeah freilich I do the same things with my kids if they eat their veg. they will be as strong as my husband. Confused

is that really considered a bad lie or not.

happymom

Thu, Sep 22 2005, 10:21 am

I dont think saying veggies will make you strong is a lie because it isnt... they are good for you... if you dont eat foods that are good for you (or rather not eat at all..) you will be weak... it has truth to it...

lucy

Thu, Sep 22 2005, 11:51 am

I wouldn't outright lie but garnish it a little depending on the situation. bc children are very smart somethimes we underestimate them, they see and hear everything. So for the sauce: "do you see anything green inside?".Someone earlier made a good point that children should learn to listen to their parents bc that is what their parents said, though good luck to that sometimes! LOL