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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Succos
Anyone else secretly enjoying the no guest business?
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amother
Blush


 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 6:13 am
Yes, secretly...
also the go less to shul business... even more secretly...
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icebreaker




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 6:15 am
We never (ok, rarely) have guests so all is normal here.
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DVOM




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 6:24 am
We are hosting and being guests as usual.

I'm not happy about it, but this is what happened (looooong story). I'm nervous, but there's a lot here that's out of my hands.

I'm very sad that things that were pure joy for me in the past- having guests, being a guest- have this sharp metallic edge of fear to them now.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 7:07 am
We are setting up to let others use our sukkah if they don't have one.

Normally, people who aren't set up with their own get tons of options, but not this year.

I have a list of times we'll be in there, a small table with hand sanitizer, alcohol spray, plastic table covers, garbage bags, and a washing cup and bowl to fill from our outdoor faucet. They bring the rest of what they'll need.

I used to complain that a sukkah is not a phone booth, because DH delighted in squeezing in too many people for meals. Never thought I'd get nostalgic about that!
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amother
Coffee


 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 7:30 am
Imasinger, that is really beautiful.

Easy to look for the silver lining in this situation for me. Although we enjoy guests, miss our family terribly and the numerous meals with the same nuclear family do get boring, it has been a lot easier in some respects.

I recently eliminated foods like flour, sugar, sweeteners from my diet for health reasons and it is so much easier to cook for my family and not be in uncomfortable situations when going out for meals. I have all my weighed and measured meals at home. For years, I would stick to a diet all week and then undo a whole week's effort in one shabbos. I am grateful for this opportunity to reset.
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 7:35 am
Ruchel wrote:
I don't have guests unless it's my mom. My home my rules
The mizvah is abolut poor people not mrs cohen


Aren't there any lonely or poor people where you live?

You're right that socializing with the neighbors isn't necessarily hachnassat orchim, but the feeling of expansiveness that comes with hosting is wonderful (and a good example for out children) if you can do it. The korban toda was 40 loaves of bread so that whoever brought the korban had to host others to share in the bounty.

Hosting doesn't have to be having a family of 10 sleeping over for a week, just a meal once in a while.

My apologies if you are physically, emotionally or financially unable to host. I'm not speaking to you directly, just to the attitude of not having guests ever.

Chag sameach.
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amother
Oak


 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 7:44 am
I’m not going to lie
It’s a lot of work and it’s hard and gets harder as we age
BUT- I miss being able to be together with family and friends
Especially we as empty nesters.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 7:45 am
essie14 wrote:
No. I'm hating it. I strike a good balance between hosting and not. When it's too much I dont have guests.
I hate than we can't have singles over who need a place to go.
I hate that we cant share our sukkah with friends.


I live alone, and I'm really hating it. I love having a few people over. Not a huge group, but I was really hoping to host a few lone (female) soldiers this year. Cooking for other people is one of my great joys.

At least I got to cook for the big seudah that is being thrown for the lone soldiers this Succot. Once a month I sign up to cook a giant pan of something and take it to the drop off point on my block. It makes me feel useful and part of the community, even if I don't get to socialize.
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amother
Plum


 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 8:45 am
I love it.
And I also love working at home, being able to hide behind a mask when I go out, and not having to be social.
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 9:05 am
imasinger wrote:
We are setting up to let others use our sukkah if they don't have one.

Normally, people who aren't set up with their own get tons of options, but not this year.

I have a list of times we'll be in there, a small table with hand sanitizer, alcohol spray, plastic table covers, garbage bags, and a washing cup and bowl to fill from our outdoor faucet. They bring the rest of what they'll need.

I used to complain that a sukkah is not a phone booth, because DH delighted in squeezing in too many people for meals. Never thought I'd get nostalgic about that!


You are so special. Wow
What a zchus your have.
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rainbow dash




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 9:19 am
I live in the same building as my mil so we share the succha. This year I'm cooking for myself and she is cooking for herself and her single son.Normally we split the cooking but she prefers it like this. Not enough space on the succha for guests but bh we have been invited out for second day. Here in Antwerp we are not in lockdown.

Only thing I dont like is that my bil is toxic, bullies the kids and non stop complaining. He never helps with the succa or anything, just likes to complain. What can I do when he starts instead of going into my home in the middle of the sudah?
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 9:38 am
Yes. And not secretly!
But I miss the kids and grands.
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amother
Navy


 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 9:54 am
I’m in my early 20s... and I am soooo happy that I have yet another excuse to not spend yt by my abusive parents WOOHOOO!!! Pesach-Covid was a blessing, and now Bh for sukkos-Covid
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 10:15 am
Guilt? Never
Lots of people here can use some better boundaries in their lives.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 10:22 am
No. I love having guests for Y"T. Pesach was lovely but also lonely.
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 10:52 am
Me!

I felt this way about RH too.

I'm not happy that we are dealing with COVID, but I think not having to rush to shul or to have guests or be guests etc has brought a lot of good stuff to me and my kids this year.

We had a really beautiful and peaceful RH. We had tefilah, and food, and did step out for an outdoor shofar blowing.

We relaxed, we went on walks, some SD outdoor visits with friends, and.....we talked to each other! (I have teens...this is HUGE!)

I also do find benefit from being able to use COVID as an excuse for not going to communal events which pre-COVID, aren't usually my cup of tea. My community claims they are all doing them with full SD, masks, etc., but that's not what I've witnessed consistently. These same folks also put no limits on the size of gatherings. They also knowingly allow people who just came back from quarantine states to attend because "they're socially distanced". K. Whatever. I stick to other socializing or doing things with "the other shul" because everything is just more yashar and disciplined.
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 11:04 am
I loved the whole lockdown pesach time, but that’s because our children still live with us. I don’t particularly want to spend time with anyone other than them. If they were grown and living out of the house, it would be very hard for me to be locked down without being able to spend time with them.
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avrahamama




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 11:09 am
Ruchel wrote:
I don't have guests unless it's my mom. My home my rules
The mizvah is abolut poor people not mrs cohen


We also don't have other families as guests as we feel the need to focus on our small children. Sukkot we only invite people who have no sukka as we want to give them that opportunity. But this year my husband is only having other men during chol hamoed for a meal or lchaim so that we don't crowd our sukka (it's big).
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 11:21 am
Ruchel wrote:
I don't have guests unless it's my mom. My home my rules
The mizvah is abolut poor people not mrs cohen


Which Mitzvah? Because actually, Hachnasas Orchim is not about hosting poor people - that's tzedakah and chessed. Even the millionaire next door qualifies for Hachnasas Orchim. It's about hosting anyone who feels good being invited and hosted, even if they can afford their own meal plus.

(DH looked this up once when we discussed it and showed it to me inside, but I forget the exact source. Probably mishna berurah....look it up.)
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 11:26 am
I was supposed to go to my parents. I'm in my 3rd trimester and have 3 little children at home.
Yesterday I cam down with covid. I feel like **** to put it mildly. I literally can't peel myself off my bed. And I have 1 day to figure out a sukkah, food for the holiday etc.
I freakin HATE this.
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