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Bat mitzvah gift bag advice on bencher

 
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 11:49 am
In our community, girls celebrate their bat mitzvah usually at shul on Shabbos by giving a dvar Torah, the parents give a speech, the Rabbi gives a speech, and usually there is a kiddush lunch for the entire community. Sometimes girls may have a seperate party motzei Shabbos or Sunday or maybe not at all. Just to give an idea.

My DD's is coming up and we expect no shul to happen. We will likely have drive-by gift bags. Confused

I don't want to create gift bags that have throw away contents or useless stuff or things that potentially conflict with allergies and although it's a nice idea for some people, I have a thing about creating home made baked items. I just don't like to receive them so I don't do them myself. So I thought at least a bottle of grape juice, Challot (from a bakery) and I was thinking of an embossed NCSY bencher. (It's fun to collect the different ones over the years.)

So, I was thinking to emboss it of course with her name/date but also a message that somehow speaks to a zechus that we will all overcome this very memorable pandemic. Is this appropriate? Weird? How would I word it?
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 12:24 pm
Gifts for your dd or for guests ? I definitely don't give gifts to guests
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 12:41 pm
Ruchel wrote:
Gifts for your dd or for guests ? I definitely don't give gifts to guests


In lieu of a kiddush meal, some people give gift bags of "nosh" or kiddush treats to invitees (not the child). And in normal times, some people will buy benchers and emboss them with date and name of child and some will also do kippahs (enough for every attendee or family)...we never did because we thought a meal is enough! But since we can't do that now, just thinking about an alternative...I most definitely don't think the drive by gift bag is an equivalent alternative to normal times but what else can we do. It's a way for community members to acknowledge the event in some way.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 12:59 pm
Ha yes we had a kiddush
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 1:01 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:

So, I was thinking to emboss it of course with her name/date but also a message that somehow speaks to a zechus that we will all overcome this very memorable pandemic. Is this appropriate? Weird? How would I word it?


It might be a bit weird of it's too specific. I mean yes your daughter's bat mitzvah will have always been during a pandemic. but does she want to remember that every time she picks up her bencher.

Sometimes simple or classic like l'chaim might be better than something too on point.
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SixOfWands




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 1:25 pm
Ruchel wrote:
Gifts for your dd or for guests ? I definitely don't give gifts to guests


In our community, its customary to provide bentchers to guests at a simcha. So they can easily bentch. People then use them in their home. We have a collection going back to DH's childhood, and recall the simchas when we use the bentchers.

Many people also provide kippot. We have quite a collection of them as well. Good thing, given that DS1 and DS2 lose kippot at an alarming rate.

While it may not be customary in France, it is here.

OP, the most I'd do is do "Malka's (virtual) Bat Mitzvah" Leave it at that.

ETA -- mazel tov!
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 04 2020, 2:24 pm
I wouldn't really use a random kippa with someone's name and while I see this, it's c'v mostly in circles where many guests are bare headed. Benchers are customary for a wedding, maybe a bar mitzva... and I see them getting rarer. People daven so often on their phone. Also you only need a certain number not one from every simcha and it's complicated to throw away
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chanchy123




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 04 2020, 2:58 pm
It is customary to include a pasuk related to the child’s name. I don’t know DD’s name but a nice uplifting pasuk is absolutely in place. If you’re doing it on Friday maybe include Shabbat candles (a set of tea candles) or a Havdala candle too. Also maybe a short dvar Torah signed by DD or you and DH.
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chanchy123




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 04 2020, 3:01 pm
Ruchel wrote:
I wouldn't really use a random kippa with someone's name and while I see this, it's c'v mostly in circles where many guests are bare headed. Benchers are customary for a wedding, maybe a bar mitzva... and I see them getting rarer. People daven so often on their phone. Also you only need a certain number not one from every simcha and it's complicated to throw away
I also see that bentchers are becoming rare at smachot, but people are happy to get nice bentchers with zemirot. We have out nicer bentchers with a wide range of zemirot at our bar mitzvah.
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leaf




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 04 2020, 4:09 pm
I think its a great idea. If you're unsure abt tying in corona on the bencher itself, you can print out stickers to put on the bags and mention the pandemic there...
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amother




Lavender
 

Post Sun, Oct 04 2020, 6:04 pm
create a free logo online (with your daughters fav colours/pic/letters)

print it on a coffee mug, add a magnet with same colourscheme/logo and a brocho (netilat yadaim, meeyn shalosh.whatever you like) and a healthy snack?

print her dvar toyre and add to the bag?
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Shuly




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Oct 04 2020, 6:20 pm
You can make a hafrashas challah card with the bracha and the yehi ratzon.
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amother




Periwinkle
 

Post Sun, Oct 04 2020, 7:07 pm
My daughter went to a few drive by bat mitzvahs recently.

The bentchers had the girls logo or photo with her name and date printed on them just like normal, nothing about current situation

Other things inside the gift bags included:

Personalised hand sanitizer gel key chain with a sticker of the bat mitzvah girls name/ logo and date (like on bentcher) (you could make these yourself easily - order the empty bottles, add ur stickers and fill with the gel)

Personalised honey jar (but that was before rosh hashana)

Personalised pen

Personalised cookie

Chocolates, nuts, dried fruit

The bm girls speech or letter from bm girl

The challoh sounds lovely, you could make a hafrashas challoh magnet or card to go with it.

Mazal tov may she bring u lots of nachas!
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amother




Violet
 

Post Sun, Oct 04 2020, 9:40 pm
Shuly wrote:
You can make a hafrashas challah card with the bracha and the yehi ratzon.

This is very nice
Perhaps you can do a zoom hfrashas challah event
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Oct 05 2020, 3:47 am
We didn't get gifts or passuks for classmates either so it's not mandatory
Unsure hafrashas challah would be so appreciated by girls who want to either play or be all pretty and by the moms ding laundry
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