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Forum -> Household Management
Need a system for kids to help that self regulates.



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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, Oct 02 2020, 4:36 pm
Jordan Page has a youtube channel and she has a system for managing chores that looks amazing.
Each child has a clipboard where there are different types of chores, tasks that her kids need to complete before getting screen or play time.
Just wondering if anyone has a similiar method adapted to frum life that works.
I not only cannot get my kids to help or very erratically, but I need the expectations clearly and visually laid out in advance. I also need realistic rewards and consequences.
Not sure who can help me with this.
But am so frustrated now.
My kids constantly ignore my requests for help .
Please help/comment before or after yom tov.
Just wanted to put this out there cuz really need help with this badly.
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Tue, Oct 13 2020, 5:01 pm
Me too... following
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Rachel Shira




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 13 2020, 5:34 pm
Why wouldn’t her system work with a frum lifestyle? You customize it to whatever you need.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Oct 13 2020, 5:38 pm
It would work. Just need help adapting the tasks and expectations
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 13 2020, 5:46 pm
self-regulate? As in the kids will comply with no input from you? only in Stepford.

A clipboard with a long list of tasks seems just a bit too Captain Von Trapp imho. I borrowed the
chore chart from summer camp: two paper plates, one smaller and one larger, connected by a brass paper fastener or brad in the center. One plate has kids' names, the other has the jobs, each day or week you spin the plate one segment forward to rotate the assignments. Youngest children get a chart and a star or sticker for each task accomplished and a prize of some sort for every milestone: ten stars, or a day in which all tasks are done, or whatever.

But you still have to remind the kids to do their assignments and then check to make sure they do them. If people would self-regulate, workplaces wouldn't need supervisors and police could spend all their time rescuing kittens and delivering babies.

Ah, I see the problem. Your "requests for help". That implies that these jobs are YOUR responsibility that you can't handle, and responding to your distress signals is optional. No, you don't ASK your kids to HELP. You let them know from an early age that as members of your household they have certain OBLIGATIONS, which you present to them. You start with a few for little kids and add more as they get older and more capable. You show them how to do things but then accept that they will not do anything nearly as well or as fast as you do.

Then you figure out consequences for compliance and noncompliance.

I don't see why the youtube system can't work for frum families, just change the details. instead of screen time you use some other leisure activity: games, reading, crafts, whatever the kid goes for, or some little luxury like a "cool" stationery item or even one-on-one time with you.

Nobody is going to write up the system for you because we don't know how many kids you have, their ages, what tasks you want them to do, what incentives you can afford or approve of...

Do you want to include brushing teeth, getting dressed, bathing, personal grooming, school assignments, or just household chores? Are you including cooking and grocery shopping? Watering houseplants? Yard work and gardening? looking after younger siblings?
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Tue, Oct 13 2020, 6:02 pm
I think the key is habituation...

start with small things when they are small, always appreciate their help, even when it is no help at the beginning, but more work, to teach them how to do it...

Don't leave them alone with their tasks, do things together... like fold laundry together - you get alone time with mom...

And with time they will take on responsibilities...

Children have an exponential learning curve: at the beginning, it is very slow, they are a bit clumsy, and suddenly, two years later, they do it better than you... So you have to invest during the clumsy time, you will be rewarded later...

Also: don't start with many tasks or hard tasks, let them get used to one small task, so that they won't even notice, and increase while they increase their competence.

Also: children can be motivated by positive pressure, it makes chores less boring...

So a nice way of using both team work and positive time pressure is to try and do a bigger task, split up in several smaller tasks for several persons, in a record time.

This also teaches the whole family that it is not much when everyone works as a team... and no-one is left alone - everyone is working in step...

For example:
Clear the table, put dishes in dishwasher, clean the kitchen, put leftovers in fridge in 12 minutes...
And optimise the operation: first strack the plates, bring them out, one child rinses them, one puts them in the dishwasher, one takes the forks, one takes the knives, one the glasses on a tray, one puts leftovers in fridge, one washes the bowls, one prepartes water to mop the floor, one mops the floor...

Or:
Clean the whole house within 1 hour, with distributed mini-tasks...
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Oct 13 2020, 6:07 pm
How to divide up weekly or Shabbos jobs vs daily expectations vs fluctuating jobs you may decide that day etc. and what happens when they throw a massive boredom tantrum if they don’t do jobs and you don’t let them out to play or say nobody else is forced to do work before they go play etc etc
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Hashem_Yaazor




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 13 2020, 7:02 pm
I had a good system in place during distance learning this spring.

My kids had clipboards and a weekly chart. Had daily expectations and weekly ones, as well as bonus opportunities.

Jobs included clearing table, emptying dishwasher, wiping table, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, set amount of time cleaning playroom or living room, putting away school stuff, attending their classes, putting away laundry, showering, cleaning bedroom, helping with a younger sibling, davening, going to bed on time, etc etc etc

I got "jewels" and Ziploc containers. I gave them washi tape and they decorated their clipboards and containers. They were totally bought in. I mean even my 15 yo who is so not the type...

They owned their tasks and accountability, marking them as they completed. We would tally up checks and they'd get jewels to correspond.

They could buy prizes or treats with their jewels.
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