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Experienced moms, help me acclimate her to preschool pls!

 
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amother




OP
 

Post  Mon, Oct 12 2020, 3:09 pm
My 2 year old daughter has been home with me since birth, has never been left with anyone other than me or my husband. She is delayed in speech and understanding but can get her message across and is able to communicate with others.

Nevertheless, I thought settling her into gan this year would be easy as she is independent and social.
The first few days I took her there and she walked off without a care and a chilled "Bye!" She was loving it and was excited to go. My husband took over drop-off and after a week or so of attendance, she suddenly clung to him when he got there and cried hysterically. He didn't want to leave her there crying so he took her home. He tried a few more times, sitting with her for a bit before trying to leave, but each time she cried for him not to go.

I don't know what caused this turnaround and I'm at a loss as to how to leave her without her crying. We are very uncomfortable to leave her crying even if she will be calm within a few minutes. Our parenting is more attachment-style.

I doubt it is something to do with the gan because the ratio is 4 adults to 13 children and the gananot are incredibly loving and warm, very attentive. The gan has a sterling name and has a long waiting list. Also, at home when we mention gan she is all smiles (until we arrive there Banging head )

Please help me help her to acclimate to gan. It's supposed to be starting next week (she hasn't been since a while before they closed) and I am in my first trimester and really need some rest. Me and my husband are prepared to put in hard work and time to make this happen.

Any ideas?
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Stars




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 12 2020, 3:34 pm
Any possibility to take her there before they start? Walk around, take some pictures, then print them and have conversations with her about what’s going to happen. Tell her it’s ok to cry, sometimes mommy’s get sad or upset too. Talk about some solutions, like maybe you can pack her favorite teddy or blanket for her to use in case she gets sad.
Tell her daddy needs to leave and she needs to stay there but she will get to come home before lunch/dinner (so she has a physical idea of what “soon” means).
Be consistent and firm: she needs you to do that for her.
You sound like great parents btw.
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snowflake1




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 12 2020, 5:13 pm
This is such a hard situation I almost never leave a child crying I hate it so much.
Firstly, I remember reading somewhere that if a child cries after a week it means they’re less ready then if they start crying the first day and cry for a week. I do not remember the logic behind us
Some thing I have done with children that had a hard time adjusting is picking them up early the first few days after one our second few days after two hours in San Juan. This way you can tell them I’m going to pick you up after snack or I’m going to pick you up after lunch until they are able to stay the whole day. Of course this is very hard on the parent
Also, if you or your husband feels anxiety about it she will clue into that and drop her off it is for this reason that my husband dropped off my kids when they are anxious because they feel my anxiety so much about it
Good luck I hope something helps
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ChanieMommy




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 12 2020, 5:18 pm
Might be linked to your husbands unconscious reaction...that she is just echoing him feeling not at ease when leaving her there...

If he is upbeat, it might change...
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 5:35 am
Stars wrote:
Any possibility to take her there before they start? Walk around, take some pictures, then print them and have conversations with her about what’s going to happen. Tell her it’s ok to cry, sometimes mommy’s get sad or upset too. Talk about some solutions, like maybe you can pack her favorite teddy or blanket for her to use in case she gets sad.
Tell her daddy needs to leave and she needs to stay there but she will get to come home before lunch/dinner (so she has a physical idea of what “soon” means).

Be consistent and firm: she needs you to do that for her.
You sound like great parents btw.


Thanks for your reply and compliment!
Yes, I can try to take her there the first when it's quite empty, I like that idea.
Unfortunately, all of the bolded I cannot do, as she just doesn't have enough comprehension to be able to have a conversation like that. This is so much harder because she is delayed and only just turned 2.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 5:39 am
snowflake1 wrote:
This is such a hard situation I almost never leave a child crying I hate it so much.
Firstly, I remember reading somewhere that if a child cries after a week it means they’re less ready then if they start crying the first day and cry for a week. I do not remember the logic behind us
Some thing I have done with children that had a hard time adjusting is picking them up early the first few days after one our second few days after two hours in San Juan. This way you can tell them I’m going to pick you up after snack or I’m going to pick you up after lunch until they are able to stay the whole day. Of course this is very hard on the parent
Also, if you or your husband feels anxiety about it she will clue into that and drop her off it is for this reason that my husband dropped off my kids when they are anxious because they feel my anxiety so much about it
Good luck I hope something helps


What you read makes sense to me. I feel like she didn't understand the reality of what was happening in the beginning.
She doesn't understand enough for her to understand a schedule and that I'll come back after snack.
Thank you for your reply!
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 5:41 am
ChanieMommy wrote:
Might be linked to your husbands unconscious reaction...that she is just echoing him feeling not at ease when leaving her there...

If he is upbeat, it might change...


He's quite chilled out, but I'll ask him about it. Thanks.
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keym




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 8:55 am
I like asking the Morah for a schedule, and creating one for her with pictures of her doing the activities.
Esti is going to play with dolls and trucks, then Esti will eat a snack, then she'll do a project, then lunch, then rest time, then playing in the yard, then Mommy comes (this last one is a picture of you hugging her).
Laminate the schedule and pictures and have her hang it in the classroom.
Teach her, and have the Morahs help her to cross off each thing as it happens. It helps her feel in control of her day and schedule, even if she's a bit young to understand.
Have a schedule at home to discuss the day. Let it become part of her life. The same way we get up, get dressed, brush teeth, eat breakfast, we go to Morah, play toys and do projects.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Oct 14 2020, 3:44 pm
keym wrote:
I like asking the Morah for a schedule, and creating one for her with pictures of her doing the activities.
Esti is going to play with dolls and trucks, then Esti will eat a snack, then she'll do a project, then lunch, then rest time, then playing in the yard, then Mommy comes (this last one is a picture of you hugging her).
Laminate the schedule and pictures and have her hang it in the classroom.
Teach her, and have the Morahs help her to cross off each thing as it happens. It helps her feel in control of her day and schedule, even if she's a bit young to understand.
Have a schedule at home to discuss the day. Let it become part of her life. The same way we get up, get dressed, brush teeth, eat breakfast, we go to Morah, play toys and do projects.


Thank you for your reply! All good ideas.
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