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S/O of meal train thread, do you baby your husband?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 1:31 pm
I don't understand people who say husband can't cook or can't cook nutritiously, as an excuse for why they need meals after birth. So you eat less nutritiously for a little while or you buy food or you warm up frozen pizza and serve baby carrots on the side. or you cook eggs and toast and cherry tomatoes or even eat cereal once in a while. Or you teach you husband to cook basics: pasta, chicken on the bone- is delicious if you just stuck it in the oven with no spices and covered it for a few hours on high and uncovered it the last half hour- or pour on duck sauce and bake, cooking eggs, opening up cans of beans, tuna, corn (I don't know if that was women was being serious about her husband not knowing how to open a can). What do guys do when they're living on their own before marriage? It's really not so hard and I can't understand why some guys are babied that they don't know how to do anything and aren't expected to do anything when their wife is in the hospital or post partum.

Moms, I hope you're teaching your sons (and daughters) the basics of cooking, (cleaning, laundry) so that they're not dependent helpless creatures. Same for women teaching their husbands the basics.
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amother




Black
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 1:39 pm
Many guys don't live on their own before marriage. They live either at home or in a dorm, where they're served meals.

And- bachelor living, anyone? Many single guys living alone nuke mac and cheese or frozen pizza or order takeout for dinner.

My DH happens to know how to cook, and yet we still find post-birth meals very helpful. He works full-time (as do I) and having to work plus take care of the kids plus make dinner without my help at all would be very challenging just in terms of time.

But last time I had a baby, I froze food in advance, so all he had to do was defrost and- you guessed it- nuke it!
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flowerpower




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 1:51 pm
Let’s not kid ourselves. A warm fresh meal goes a long way. I gladly with a full heart cook meals for kimpeturins. After all my kids were born we lived on frozen pizza etc for 2 weeks. But when a family member sent over a meal my kids and spouse were thrilled. I can just imagine that many families are already living on frozen pizza for the last few weeks of the pregnancy as is. Dh can’t take off let alone make meals.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 1:53 pm
Nope. it's insulting and a turn off
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zaq




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 2:00 pm
No my Dh is an adult and capable of feeding self and kids if need be. Anyone can make a sliced cheese sandwich and slice a tomato. However, just because a dh can cook doesn’t mean a family doesn’t deserve to get meals after a birth.
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amother




Green
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 2:03 pm
Ruchel wrote:
Nope. it's insulting and a turn off


What’s insulting and a turn off? I lost you.
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amother




Slateblue
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 2:07 pm
Society as a whole babies men, it's ironic being that women complain about it being a man's world, but when it comes to the house and kids they are treated as incompetent. My husband is the youngest and only boy, he never lifted a finger before marriage. Now after 11 years of marriage he can cook, clean, bathe the kids, do homework, dress them etc... If men don't know they can learn it's not rocket science.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 2:10 pm
amother [ Green ] wrote:
What’s insulting and a turn off? I lost you.


That's literally the answer

Do you baby your husband
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amother




Scarlet
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 2:19 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I don't understand people who say husband can't cook or can't cook nutritiously, as an excuse for why they need meals after birth. So you eat less nutritiously for a little while or you buy food or you warm up frozen pizza and serve baby carrots on the side. or you cook eggs and toast and cherry tomatoes or even eat cereal once in a while. Or you teach you husband to cook basics: pasta, chicken on the bone- is delicious if you just stuck it in the oven with no spices and covered it for a few hours on high and uncovered it the last half hour- or pour on duck sauce and bake, cooking eggs, opening up cans of beans, tuna, corn (I don't know if that was women was being serious about her husband not knowing how to open a can). What do guys do when they're living on their own before marriage? It's really not so hard and I can't understand why some guys are babied that they don't know how to do anything and aren't expected to do anything when their wife is in the hospital or post partum.

Moms, I hope you're teaching your sons (and daughters) the basics of cooking, (cleaning, laundry) so that they're not dependent helpless creatures. Same for women teaching their husbands the basics.


Um, because my husband works two jobs? Should I scream at him for not being superhuman? And if he comes home at 9pm, exactly when is all this magic chicken-making happening?

I never asked for meals - they're a huge perk and I'm so so grateful. And the day after I come home from the hospital, I'm STILL making lunches and breakfasts because it's not like someone is running over to dress and bathe the kids and do the myriad of things that need to get done. All of us are working, and working hard.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 2:24 pm
Works two jobs for a few weeks while mom who works does it all the time

The day I come home I literally am not ALLOWED to be in the kitchen you're supposed to rest from an internal injury. Cereals make themselves very well and lunches can be completely bought, or a sandwich made by a MAN. Bathtime especially is worrying that you would do after birth. Do you realise you are not allowed to carry? I bet you'd never let your husband do allthis after an injury
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amother




Seagreen
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 2:31 pm
Yasher Koach to all the mothers that can prep food in advance. That is not feasible for everyone. For whom it is not, please do not be a martyr! To that end precisely, there are organizations that arrange meals. No shame. It is their honor to serve you. Post baby is not a time to compromise nutrition, neither for you or your fam! Proper meals will help facilitate the transition in ways more than physical.
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amother




Fuchsia
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 2:36 pm
People are generally bad at things they don't do regularly. In our family, DH does nearly all the cooking and he also handles most of the work of getting the kids set up to eat. He has his routines down very smoothly and it flows nicely.

I can feed the kids and set them up too, but I rarely do it, so I do it more slowly. If we have no leftovers, I usually cook much simpler things like pasta or hot dogs. If I did it more often, I'd be faster and better, but I don't.

On the other hand, my husband literally cannot make the simplest twist around pony tail for our girls. He could learn to, but he hasn't had to. We both have our strengths and weaknesses based on how we divide our routine.
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amother




Chartreuse
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 2:40 pm
My husband grew up in a home where his mom and sisters did everything. He moved out at 19 and couldn’t do anything. By the time he and I got married in our mid-twenties, he knew how to cook, clean, wash his own clothes, etc. A lot of frum men are babied since they’re born and they don’t really have the opportunity to learn how to do these basic things.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 2:42 pm
halacha considerd you chole, if not be sakana (that stops quickly), and you can go without some fasts for two years as well as leniencies in TH... don't be more royalist than the king
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amother




Jade
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 2:43 pm
Husband can do bare minimum basics . So what ? There is is enough stress for both me & hubby after birth.... if people are willing to make why shouldn’t we have a home cooked meal for everyone.
What’s wrong with a little pampering ?
Don’t understand your post op
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heidi




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 2:50 pm
Ruchel wrote:
Works two jobs for a few weeks while mom who works does it all the time

The day I come home I literally am not ALLOWED to be in the kitchen you're supposed to rest from an internal injury. Cereals make themselves very well and lunches can be completely bought, or a sandwich made by a MAN. Bathtime especially is worrying that you would do after birth. Do you realise you are not allowed to carry? I bet you'd never let your husband do allthis after an injury

Puhlease.
You do what you need to do.
I prepped meals the day I came home from the hospital after a csection.
And lived to tell the tale.
To answer OP's question, no I don't baby DH but he is not terribly comfortable in the kitchen.
G-d bless him, he's great with following directions.
Honey, take the chicken out of the container. Spray Pam in the tin pan. Put chicken in. Sprinkle garlic powder, now paprika etc.
Same with salmon etc.
And if he's not home I can do it in 5 minutes flat.
Childbirth is not cancer.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 2:56 pm
There’s nothing like a fresh hot meal after birth. Never do I crave a full course meal as much as after having a baby. And never do I feel weaker mentally and physically. Bless all of you who do this tremendous chesed.
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lilies




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 3:00 pm
Zehava wrote:
There’s nothing like a fresh hot meal after birth. Never do I crave a full course meal as much as after having a baby. And never do I feel weaker mentally and physically. Bless all of you who do this tremendous chesed.


Yes!
Op, carrots and frozen pizza is the last thing I'd want to eat after a baby. Same for eggs and crackers.
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amother




Crimson
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 3:04 pm
DH makes dinner very often. But the first few days after a baby he is overwhelmed enough doing all of my regular tasks PLUS his, that receiving a tasty dinner that takes no time is extremely appreciated.

For me too, both because I probably like your cooking better (sorry DH), and because this way he is less stressed and has an easier time supporting me emotionally, which he does better than you (sorry).
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 3:08 pm
zaq wrote:
No my Dh is an adult and capable of feeding self and kids if need be. Anyone can make a sliced cheese sandwich and slice a tomato. However, just because a dh can cook doesn’t mean a family doesn’t deserve to get meals after a birth.
This, 100 times this.
OP, its not always about babying a husband. In my community I know many men can and do cook and bake.
Thats not why the meals are being made. Its done because a family has just had a baby and they are not really thinking about meals. Thats all. Its a lovely community gesture.

My husband knows how to cook and does. Its still lovely to get prepared meals as a gesture of mazal tov on your new baby, from the community.


But if you do think men are babied, then change it for the next generation. I think all people in a household should know how to prepare food, full stop, not associated with their gender.
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