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S/O of meal train thread, do you baby your husband?
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 3:12 pm
heidi wrote:
Puhlease.
You do what you need to do.
I prepped meals the day I came home from the hospital after a csection.
And lived to tell the tale.
To answer OP's question, no I don't baby DH but he is not terribly comfortable in the kitchen.
G-d bless him, he's great with following directions.
Honey, take the chicken out of the container. Spray Pam in the tin pan. Put chicken in. Sprinkle garlic powder, now paprika etc.
Same with salmon etc.
And if he's not home I can do it in 5 minutes flat.
Childbirth is not cancer.


You can go work in the fields rhe day after as in Pearl Buck.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 3:12 pm
Women are their worst enemy. I don't envy those whose mil will say that, or simply model that
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amother




Scarlet
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 3:22 pm
Ruchel wrote:
Works two jobs for a few weeks while mom who works does it all the time

The day I come home I literally am not ALLOWED to be in the kitchen you're supposed to rest from an internal injury. Cereals make themselves very well and lunches can be completely bought, or a sandwich made by a MAN. Bathtime especially is worrying that you would do after birth. Do you realise you are not allowed to carry? I bet you'd never let your husband do allthis after an injury


Huh? My husband works two jobs ALL THE TIME. I'm not talking about childcare or chores. He comes home at 9pm, and then works until midnight or later, while chowing down food mindlessly in front of the computer. This is all so that we can pay the bills, one of which comes in the guise of a new life form. Am I supposed to also hand off MY chores at home? Because we had a baby? Because I'm not at my job and miraculously, my legs and arms still work?

I get the feeling you're European, or at least not American. There's no such thing as maternity or paternity leave here, at least none that actually pay you. And somehow I carried my toddlers and my uterus still stayed intact, even after birth. Not everyone has this idyllic life you speak of.

And when my husband had Covid, he still had to manage the finances and pay the bills. He had to call into work every day and manage things from home. He didn't get to lounge around and hand off all of HIS responsibilities to me because he didn't feel well. It wouldn't have gotten done.
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shaynala




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 3:26 pm
OP, I don't understand your question so much. I agree with the poster that said that probably during the pregnancy (1st trimester morning sickness, etc etc, last trimester sciatica) there were plenty of opportunities for husband to cook/buy food. I know my husband has fried eggs (with a weird assortment of spices I was craving, don't ask!!) he's bought chicken soup (another crave) and mint chocolates (another crave) and had to listen to me craving cheesecake after eating a takeout burger (that was a problem)
I don't see the meals being given as a "necessity" for survival. many non-jews give birth but don't receive meals.
instead, I see it as a way of our community celebrating a life, celebrating the new mother and wishing her Mazel Tov and little pampering after 9 months of pregnancy and a birth experience!!
I think it's such a beautiful part of what we have a jewish community, I may not know you well, but oh, you had a baby, Mazel Tov! what can I send over? I want to be part of your Simcha!! I want to add to your Simcha. Yes, I know there are pizza stores and take out stores, and you probably also know where they are, but let me send you something home made!! you'll have your days ahead where you will need those stores as well (teething baby?) and I know your husband knows how to fry an egg, that is besides the point!! it doesn't show incompetence. it shows a caring and love of wanting to join in this family's amazing Simcha in welcoming a child.
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imorethanamother




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 3:27 pm
Women here post all the time, ALL THE TIME, that they refuse to work. They say that their lives at home are too busy, that they couldn't possibly manage to work AND to do supper and take care of the kids. They get job offers but they ask whether they should turn it down because the commute is long, and they'll be tired. They'll stress that money is so tight and their husbands are stressed out and want them to contribute, but they resent having to do "the man's job". And they're met with sympathy and applause and people practically telling them which bais din to get the divorce from.

I'm always shocked by this, and any attempt I make to say that working full time is totally manageable and you can do it is shot down by angry women saying, "Well, maybe YOU can, but you're so judgemental! Not everyone can work! Not everyone has your energy levels! Not everyone can manage! She doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to, the kesubah says so!" (No, it doesn't, really)

But when the shoe is on the other foot, men are "babies" and WHY can't they just do everything their wife is doing, while also working to make a living?
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SuperWify




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 3:33 pm
flowerpower wrote:
Let’s not kid ourselves. A warm fresh meal goes a long way. I gladly with a full heart cook meals for kimpeturins. After all my kids were born we lived on frozen pizza etc for 2 weeks. But when a family member sent over a meal my kids and spouse were thrilled. I can just imagine that many families are already living on frozen pizza for the last few weeks of the pregnancy as is. Dh can’t take off let alone make meals.


This. Who wants frozen pizza and takeout for 2 weeks straight? 🤢
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 3:38 pm
I know students who do that for years
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 3:44 pm
amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:
Huh? My husband works two jobs ALL THE TIME. I'm not talking about childcare or chores. He comes home at 9pm, and then works until midnight or later, while chowing down food mindlessly in front of the computer. This is all so that we can pay the bills, one of which comes in the guise of a new life form. Am I supposed to also hand off MY chores at home? Because we had a baby? Because I'm not at my job and miraculously, my legs and arms still work?

I get the feeling you're European, or at least not American. There's no such thing as maternity or paternity leave here, at least none that actually pay you. And somehow I carried my toddlers and my uterus still stayed intact, even after birth. Not everyone has this idyllic life you speak of.

And when my husband had Covid, he still had to manage the finances and pay the bills. He had to call into work every day and manage things from home. He didn't get to lounge around and hand off all of HIS responsibilities to me because he didn't feel well. It wouldn't have gotten done.


I literally would not be allowed if I asked a doctor. Heck, some have volunteered the not allowed without me asking. Yes, BH I am European. The pat leave just grew to a month, wish I had this, oh well. It was 2 weeks before, in "my" time.
If he works until midnight there's no way he can also do the chores. I'd let everything slide except what is life saving. Or I would hire help. Just for that time. I don't know anyone who works until midnight except someone who is maybe a huge CEO and then there's lots /more help than needed. Again, just because it's done doesn't mean it doesn't have consequences on the body. Pearl Buck depicts cruel stories of women literally working one day after birth. Not all (!) have consequences but we can agree the risk is high. Carrying is the worst (barring crazy stuff). It has an immediate risk.
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amother




Olive
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 3:48 pm
Why does it have to be one or the other?

Chesed isn't only saving people from imminent death. It can also mean making their life more pleasant.

I definitely makes my life more pleasant when I'm exhausted from a new baby, my husband is exhausted from working plus taking care of the older ones, plus arranging the shalom zachar/bris/kiddush, etc. to get a nice meal.

I'm not demanding it from anyone, but I appreciate it when I get it.

And when I cook for others, I know that it's not about the family starving to death, but about making a stressful time a bit easier.

Why does that have anything to do with DH being able to cook or not?
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 3:52 pm
amother [ Olive ] wrote:
Why does it have to be one or the other?

Chesed isn't only saving people from imminent death. It can also mean making their life more pleasant.

I definitely makes my life more pleasant when I'm exhausted from a new baby, my husband is exhausted from working plus taking care of the older ones, plus arranging the shalom zachar/bris/kiddush, etc. to get a nice meal.

I'm not demanding it from anyone, but I appreciate it when I get it.

And when I cook for others, I know that it's not about the family starving to death, but about making a stressful time a bit easier.

Why does that have anything to do with DH being able to cook or not?


This.

1000 likes.
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amother




Purple
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 3:54 pm
I hate these threads and this attitude about childbirth. I'm so happy my community doesn't treat the women like this. YOU BIRTHED A HUMAN for Gds sake!! You deserve a trophy, and to be pampered and doted on and given everything you could possibly want or need. Your body and mind and hormones and heart just went through the wringer, if someone else can cook dinner for you then OMG of course they should. And who are these mythical women who can cook suppers to freeze when they're pregnant? I spend 9 months on the couch.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 4:00 pm
amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:
Huh? My husband works two jobs ALL THE TIME. I'm not talking about childcare or chores. He comes home at 9pm, and then works until midnight or later, while chowing down food mindlessly in front of the computer. This is all so that we can pay the bills, one of which comes in the guise of a new life form. Am I supposed to also hand off MY chores at home? Because we had a baby? Because I'm not at my job and miraculously, my legs and arms still work?

I get the feeling you're European, or at least not American. There's no such thing as maternity or paternity leave here, at least none that actually pay you. And somehow I carried my toddlers and my uterus still stayed intact, even after birth. Not everyone has this idyllic life you speak of.

And when my husband had Covid, he still had to manage the finances and pay the bills. He had to call into work every day and manage things from home. He didn't get to lounge around and hand off all of HIS responsibilities to me because he didn't feel well. It wouldn't have gotten done.
Amother, not everyone here lives in america and other places have maternity leave WITH pay.
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OOTforlife




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 4:02 pm
amother [ Olive ] wrote:
Chesed isn't only saving people from imminent death. It can also mean making their life more pleasant.
....
....
Why does that have anything to do with DH being able to cook or not?

This! Totally agree.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 4:23 pm
amother [ Olive ] wrote:
Why does it have to be one or the other?

Chesed isn't only saving people from imminent death. It can also mean making their life more pleasant.

I definitely makes my life more pleasant when I'm exhausted from a new baby, my husband is exhausted from working plus taking care of the older ones, plus arranging the shalom zachar/bris/kiddush, etc. to get a nice meal.

I'm not demanding it from anyone, but I appreciate it when I get it.

And when I cook for others, I know that it's not about the family starving to death, but about making a stressful time a bit easier.

Why does that have anything to do with DH being able to cook or not?
Because why rely on another woman to do a job that any adult can do including dh? If you're dh is not ill and able to function, he should be able to do something basic like cook easy foods.
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OOTforlife




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 4:29 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Because why rely on another woman to do a job that any adult can do including dh? If you're dh is not ill and able to function, he should be able to do something basic like cook easy foods.

Do you not understand the concept of a voluntary, non-necessary gesture of goodwill that brings pleasure to both the giver and recipient?
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amother




Blue
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 4:42 pm
My husband has damaged smell and taste buds (even pre-corona) and is naturally skinny with no need to eat healthy.
If I ask him to take care of dinner, it’s grilled cheese- generally undercooked or burnt. I’ve walked him through chicken and fish but it generally comes out burnt or tasteless. So could we survive? Yes. But after giving birth and 9 months of barely keeping food beyond plain noodles down, plus trying to build a milk supply, I want and need real nutritious food.

My freezer supply gets depleted during the week I’m in labor (yes I have long early labors), so bH I live in a neighborhood that does mealtrains and I contribute to them too.
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flowerpower




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 4:46 pm
amother [ Purple ] wrote:
I hate these threads and this attitude about childbirth. I'm so happy my community doesn't treat the women like this. YOU BIRTHED A HUMAN for Gds sake!! You deserve a trophy, and to be pampered and doted on and given everything you could possibly want or need. Your body and mind and hormones and heart just went through the wringer, if someone else can cook dinner for you then OMG of course they should. And who are these mythical women who can cook suppers to freeze when they're pregnant? I spend 9 months on the couch.



This!!!!! Someone one posted here there in the secular world being pregnant is a big deal. You have a lot of help and get a lot of attention too. In the jewish world you are expected to pop em out like bubble gum balls from the 25 cents machine. And it’s wrong. Having a baby is a big deal. For nine months you’re throwing up, not sleeping Properly, wake up to painful cramps at 3 am, and what not while caring for a family and trying to preserve your shalom bayis. Finally you give birth- another painful huge miracle. Lifting and not properly resting the first two weeks is bad for your body. Dh is barely managing the house plus his job while Trying to keep his hormonal wife happy. Gd forbid he gets a fresh meal once a day. I just don’t get it. Really.
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amother




Mistyrose
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 6:04 pm
I'm firmly against babying men (I have all boys, and I will absolutely die on the hill that they need to learn how to run a home like any girl). Don't see what this has to do with meals post birth. First of all, even WITH a husband that meets your standards for being capable, well, if he's that capable with household stuff, the he is ALSO exhausted and overwhelmed from a new baby. Not quite as much as his wife who is recovering from a medical event, but he's still going to be plenty tired. One thing off the whole family's plate is tremendously helpful, even if they can manage without. Post birth meals are not necessarily about need so much as showing love and care to people in the community. With one of my kids, we had just moved shortly before I gave birth, and I got meals, and it was a great to meet people and feel like I was part of the community. And when I make a meal for someone, I'm just trying to show I care and do something nice, I'm not scrutinizing exactly how badly they need it. It's just a nice thing to do for someone.

But to the question, yes, my husband can cook. He's not nearly as good as I am, because I'm a foodie and have been cooking as hobby since I was kid. But there have been times where I've been temporarily incapacitated (and not just after birth) and while we had to do without amazing food, dh was able to make decent enough food and nobody starved. My 9 year old son makes his own omelet several times a week, not because he has to, but because he's so proud of himself for being able to do it (I taught him fairly recently) that he wants to do it, just because he can. That's another reason it's so important to teach these skills at a young age- kids feel great about themselves when they're able to do things themselves.
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amother




Olive
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 6:08 pm
Also, OP, why does it bother you if people get something they don't absolutely need?

Does it hurt you?

Perhaps your pregnancies are easier, perhaps your husband is more available/helpful/needs less sleep, but why begrudge others the help they need, or even just want?

(For the record, my husband is very capable and I teach my sons to help out in the kitchen and around the house, but I don't think it's relevant.)
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amother




Saddlebrown
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 6:09 pm
A few years ago my husband had surgry and some neighbors send over supper it was very nice even throw I could have made supper. Yes when I have a baby we can live on cerial and cheese yes my DH can and does make supper but it is so nice when someone brings you supper it makes you feel so good.
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