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S/O of meal train thread, do you baby your husband?
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DREAMING




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 11:26 pm
amother [ Olive ] wrote:
Why does it have to be one or the other?

Chesed isn't only saving people from imminent death. It can also mean making their life more pleasant.

I definitely makes my life more pleasant when I'm exhausted from a new baby, my husband is exhausted from working plus taking care of the older ones, plus arranging the shalom zachar/bris/kiddush, etc. to get a nice meal.

I'm not demanding it from anyone, but I appreciate it when I get it.

And when I cook for others, I know that it's not about the family starving to death, but about making a stressful time a bit easier.

Why does that have anything to do with DH being able to cook or not?


This!!!


And I generally cook
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amother




Honeydew
 

Post  Wed, Oct 14 2020, 12:38 am
Just a point to those who say you can live on cereal and mac and cheese after giving birth. The rest of the family could, but I find if I don't eat properly after birth and rest then I don't have enough milk to nurse. If I eat well and rest then I'm able to build up my milk supply. This means my husband needs to take care of everything else and work. So a home cooked meal at least for me is a huge help.
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amother




Gray
 

Post  Wed, Oct 14 2020, 12:57 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I don't understand people who say husband can't cook or can't cook nutritiously, as an excuse for why they need meals after birth. So you eat less nutritiously for a little while or you buy food or you warm up frozen pizza and serve baby carrots on the side. or you cook eggs and toast and cherry tomatoes or even eat cereal once in a while. Or you teach you husband to cook basics: pasta, chicken on the bone- is delicious if you just stuck it in the oven with no spices and covered it for a few hours on high and uncovered it the last half hour- or pour on duck sauce and bake, cooking eggs, opening up cans of beans, tuna, corn (I don't know if that was women was being serious about her husband not knowing how to open a can). What do guys do when they're living on their own before marriage? It's really not so hard and I can't understand why some guys are babied that they don't know how to do anything and aren't expected to do anything when their wife is in the hospital or post partum.

Moms, I hope you're teaching your sons (and daughters) the basics of cooking, (cleaning, laundry) so that they're not dependent helpless creatures. Same for women teaching their husbands the basics.


I never had meals delivered. I cooked ahead and froze some meals, we got some takeout, some meals my mother came over and made.... but no, my husband can't cook. Really. It's not just less nutritious or less fancy. It's toast. That's it. Often burnt.

But most ladies I know like getting meals delivered from the community and most ladies I know like cooking them for other moms, so it works out fine and I don't understand why people have to be made to feel bad about it.
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amother




Pumpkin
 

Post  Wed, Oct 14 2020, 2:27 am
amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:
Huh? My husband works two jobs ALL THE TIME. I'm not talking about childcare or chores. He comes home at 9pm, and then works until midnight or later, while chowing down food mindlessly in front of the computer. This is all so that we can pay the bills, one of which comes in the guise of a new life form. Am I supposed to also hand off MY chores at home? Because we had a baby? Because I'm not at my job and miraculously, my legs and arms still work?

I get the feeling you're European, or at least not American. There's no such thing as maternity or paternity leave here, at least none that actually pay you. And somehow I carried my toddlers and my uterus still stayed intact, even after birth. Not everyone has this idyllic life you speak of.

And when my husband had Covid, he still had to manage the finances and pay the bills. He had to call into work every day and manage things from home. He didn't get to lounge around and hand off all of HIS responsibilities to me because he didn't feel well. It wouldn't have gotten done.


It sounds like each of you are hard working. Most husbands aren’t keeping that schedule. Even if it doesn’t apply to your personal life exactly can’t you agree that men post surgery don’t have as many expectations? Men with illness are given more of a break than mothers? Have you been told you’re “watching the kids” like people refer to their husbands or is it just expected?
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amother




Pumpkin
 

Post  Wed, Oct 14 2020, 2:36 am
amother [ Purple ] wrote:
I hate these threads and this attitude about childbirth. I'm so happy my community doesn't treat the women like this. YOU BIRTHED A HUMAN for Gds sake!! You deserve a trophy, and to be pampered and doted on and given everything you could possibly want or need. Your body and mind and hormones and heart just went through the wringer, if someone else can cook dinner for you then OMG of course they should. And who are these mythical women who can cook suppers to freeze when they're pregnant? I spend 9 months on the couch.


I hate this attitude. It’s not a talent. It’s a special time but you birthed the child for yourself and your family desires not to benefit the world and the world doesn’t owe you anything. Have yet to find a source for this entitlement. A woman should 100% rest and recuperate after birth. That’s not what you’re describing.
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amother




Powderblue
 

Post  Wed, Oct 14 2020, 2:46 am
amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:
Huh? My husband works two jobs ALL THE TIME. I'm not talking about childcare or chores. He comes home at 9pm, and then works until midnight or later, while chowing down food mindlessly in front of the computer. This is all so that we can pay the bills, one of which comes in the guise of a new life form. Am I supposed to also hand off MY chores at home? Because we had a baby? Because I'm not at my job and miraculously, my legs and arms still work?

I get the feeling you're European, or at least not American. There's no such thing as maternity or paternity leave here, at least none that actually pay you. And somehow I carried my toddlers and my uterus still stayed intact, even after birth. Not everyone has this idyllic life you speak of.

And when my husband had Covid, he still had to manage the finances and pay the bills. He had to call into work every day and manage things from home. He didn't get to lounge around and hand off all of HIS responsibilities to me because he didn't feel well. It wouldn't have gotten done.


If this is how most Americans live, then what's so great about America?
Come to Israel, I don't know any husband who works till midnight every day. I'm sure it exists, but it's a tiny minority.
And we have maternity leave of 14 weeks which can be shared with dh if you want.
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amother




Powderblue
 

Post  Wed, Oct 14 2020, 2:49 am
amother [ Blue ] wrote:
My husband has damaged smell and taste buds (even pre-corona) and is naturally skinny with no need to eat healthy.
If I ask him to take care of dinner, it’s grilled cheese- generally undercooked or burnt. I’ve walked him through chicken and fish but it generally comes out burnt or tasteless. So could we survive? Yes. But after giving birth and 9 months of barely keeping food beyond plain noodles down, plus trying to build a milk supply, I want and need real nutritious food.

My freezer supply gets depleted during the week I’m in labor (yes I have long early labors), so bH I live in a neighborhood that does mealtrains and I contribute to them too.


How many husbands have damaged smell and taste buds and can't even make grilled cheese? Most husbands are perfectly capable of simple cooking, it's not rocket science people.

Of course if you want to send meals as a sign of goodwill, that's something else.
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amother




Forestgreen
 

Post  Wed, Oct 14 2020, 5:44 am
I posted on that thread about my husband not being able to cook for me. He is certainly not a baby and I have left him alone with the kids many times and he has taken excellent care of them and cooked for them no problem. Including making shabbos and homemade challah from scratch. He makes his own lunch every day, I never do that for him.

He has a fairly limited repertoire of food he can make. Mostly pasta, pizza etc. Great for kids but really not for a low iron post partum mother. He also has a job where he is never really off, although it is flexible.

Once, the day I came home from hospital he made pizza from scratch for the kids. He knows I don't eat pizza. I asked him where my supper was and he said he hadn't thought about it yet. This was at 7 or 8pm. I was under strict medical instructions to stay in bed so I couldn't do anything. I was really upset at his lack of care, which was honestly just thoughtlessness. The next day he made me a really delicious lunch which almost made up for it.

He is also the type of guy who is happy to eat cereal or toast for supper. Hot cooked healthy food it much more important to me. He is baffled why I cook every day. LOL

He is a capable person and I know if left alone he would eventually figure it out but meanwhile he has a pretty demanding job and a wife who loves to cook.

He has his strengths, I have mine.
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notshanarishona




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Oct 14 2020, 8:10 am
My husband learned how to cook and shop and do laundry when I was on bedrest with my first pregnancy. Before that he literally didn’t know his way around the kitchen. It was for the best because he now he can literally make challah and a whole Shabbos 10 years later.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Oct 14 2020, 10:24 am
It's normal not to know. it's not normal to make sure your wife knows you won't even feed kids when she gave birth to another one. Women aren't born cooking. Chefs ?
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amother




Tangerine
 

Post  Wed, Oct 14 2020, 10:24 am
heidi wrote:
Puhlease.
You do what you need to do.
I prepped meals the day I came home from the hospital after a csection.
And lived to tell the tale.
To answer OP's question, no I don't baby DH but he is not terribly comfortable in the kitchen.
G-d bless him, he's great with following directions.
Honey, take the chicken out of the container. Spray Pam in the tin pan. Put chicken in. Sprinkle garlic powder, now paprika etc.
Same with salmon etc.
And if he's not home I can do it in 5 minutes flat.
Childbirth is not cancer.


100% agree.
My husband can plop a ready made pan of food in the oven and grill a steak.
he can make kids supper like sandwiches and frozen pizza.

If he doesnt have any of the above he would just go hungry.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Oct 14 2020, 11:44 am
Some men do work two jobs, and I think that's a legit reason to be given some slack. My dad, on the other hand, can work 60 hours a week, and still come home and whip up an amazing dinner. He's a phenomenal cook. My mom was a good cook too, but my dad is really happy when he gets to take over the kitchen.

Other men have executive functioning disorders, and cannot for the life of them wrap their head around the complexities of cooking. My ex was like that. I literally had to teach him how to make instant coffee, because his previous wife always had a full pot of drip coffee ready for him, and he never had to learn how to make coffee for himself. Left to his own defenses, he lives on deli meat and bakery cakes.

Honestly, I couldn't be mad at him. It would be like asking me to do trigonometry.

For that reason alone, I insisted that we get a fridge with a big freezer. I would cook double of everything, and put the extra in clearly marked containers so that he could microwave a meal if I wasn't up to cooking. He never cared for salad or fresh veggies, so that didn't matter. If I was craving a big salad, I still had what to feed him for dinner.
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