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Beyond Devastated - Dentures for a young teen [long]
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amother




Plum
 

Post  Fri, Oct 16 2020, 3:38 pm
Just a comment to help you feel calmer about him having dentures - my sister got married a few years and I noticed one of her sisters in law had perfect white teeth. She’s the type who always looks good and put together so I just assumed she got veneers or something like that. Anyway one time her mother mentioned in passing about when her daughter’s teeth started falling out as a teen - I know no other details - but that’s when I realized this perfect looking woman had fake teeth! I know this is so hard for you, but the concept of having fake teeth shouldn’t have to affect him or make you feel embarrassed. But this must be very difficult to deal with, especially on top of everything else, so sending lots of hugs.
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amother




cornflower
 

Post  Fri, Oct 16 2020, 3:38 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
You people can't imagine what I went through to get a dentist
who would agree to do all the work he needs done
under anesthesia

It was the pits - literally
partly due to Covid - so many places shut or have less dentists

He is the kind of kid that RAN out of the BUILDING just as soon as he saw the dentist
Raise your hand if you have seen this
[bet you you haven't]
we're not talking regular dental fear
we're talking completely illogical anxiety

It took months of therapy and what not to get the kid to sit in the chair have xrays done

Doctor won't do implants before age 18 - wants him to wear dentures until then

I'm so sorry. Hug How many years until 18?

It doesn't just sound like just not brushing. Was there a build up you could see that wasn't being washed away? Could it be he doesn't get enough calcium and nutrients? Does he eat dairy and greens? Maybe he has untreated reflux?

I feel you're pain. I am so sorry. Hug
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amother




OP
 

Post  Fri, Oct 16 2020, 3:42 pm
you might be onto something cornflower
no calcium or dairy for this sensitive finicky eater
or enough nutrients

Not sure about the reflux though

Every word of support here will be read multiple times
really anonymous friends
you're doing a big chesed

I'm in a very low place emotionally right now
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Goldie613




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Oct 16 2020, 3:47 pm
amother [ Coral ] wrote:
Hugs! OP, I have a 14 yr old special needs son whose idea of brushing his teeth - if he bothers at all - is sucking on the tooth brush for 12 seconds. Every time I go to the dentist I am told that I need to brush for him or he's going to loose his teeth. Constant cavities. Well very nice idea that I or DH should brush for this 14 year old child, but I'd like the dentist to come spend a day in my house with my family and then say that to my face. Even if I find the time and have any strength left in me, guess what happens when I try to brush his teeth? He clamps down his jaw and refuses to cooperate and that's that. What can I do? But you know what, as sad as I feel about the situation, I don't think I'm a failure. And you aren't either. We cannot control or micro-manage everything our kids do and especially not a teen. Just cannot. So it stinks but this too will pass. Please go into Shabbos with your head up high. You did not fail!


Off topic for the OP, but might be helpful for you - have you tried the Shabbos toothbrush with him? A family member has a lot of sensory issues and would do the exact same thing as your son. The bristles on the Shabbos toothbrush are so different from the regular kind that he didn't suck on them as much, so he had an easier time learning toothbrushing with that before transitioning to a regular toothbrush.
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post  Fri, Oct 16 2020, 3:47 pm
I’m so sorry op, it’s the worst feeling to feel like a failure when your life is a roller coaster. I too am married to dh with ADHD and staying married for complicated reasons as well. I know how hard that alone can be, how much extra work and thought you have to put in daily. Please please don’t blame yourself for this, nothing about it is your fault. HaShem put you in this situation. It sucks. He gave you Dh and DS with adhd, makes you work so much harder all the time and now he needs implants. It’s frustrating, upsetting and really just so annoying. But it’s not your fault. Don’t let yourself go there. I’m sure Your doing your best you can. Lots of hugs Hug
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amother




Blush
 

Post  Fri, Oct 16 2020, 3:47 pm
My husband's four front top teeth are implants. He was born without permanent teeth only baby teeth. When he lost his baby teeth, he had nothing there. This is something so fixable. I know it's devastating. Bh for modern dentistry. It is very upsetting but he could still look nice. He really has to take care of his teeth going forward.
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notshanarishona




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Oct 16 2020, 3:48 pm
amother [ Natural ] wrote:
I think you should be more worried about raising the 20k than about the implants. Many of my friends and family have implants. The new ones are much better than what people got in the past. In the past it was veneers that cracked when you bit into something. Today’s implants are nice and sturdy, and he will have nice colored teeth to boot. And also, he’s not a girl ... so don’t even make him feel bad. However, you need to start working a little harder for your other kids. Also, can they get fluoride when you take them to the dentist? Do they drink water that has fluoride (NYC)? Can you ask everyone to rinse with Scope?


What new ones are you talking about? How recent? I have had an implant done And redone several times in the last 3 years and it has broken again and again until I gave up and will get a bridge once I save up enough 🤣.

Op I can not stress enough to get a 2nd or 3rd opinion before you agree to something so drastic. Also , one dentist can charge $3k for an implant while another can charge $10k. Shop around even though it takes time
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amother




Mustard
 

Post  Fri, Oct 16 2020, 3:59 pm
Also, ask your dr. if he should be supplementing with K2 and D3
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amother




White
 

Post  Fri, Oct 16 2020, 4:09 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
you might be onto something cornflower
no calcium or dairy for this sensitive finicky eater
or enough nutrients

Not sure about the reflux though

Every word of support here will be read multiple times
really anonymous friends
you're doing a big chesed

I'm in a very low place emotionally right now
along this vein, he probably also has microbiome dysbiosis or bacterial overgrowth in his mouth, and mineral deficiencies. IOW, a lot more going on than just not brushing or neglect. As do most kids with anxiety and adhd. The sneaking sugar cubes also is a clue, he may have yeast overgrowth. Hope this makes you feel a little better. Magnesium, vit k2, and oral probiotics would be my top 3 recommendations for tooth health.
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amother




Natural
 

Post  Fri, Oct 16 2020, 4:09 pm
To the woman whose implants kept breaking. Maybe you don’t have enough support for them and actually do need a bridge! I’m not a dentist but my brother is one and he’s very into implants/bridges so this is what I hear. And also to the OP - you can get the dentures now and then go for opinions later and see if he needs a bridge or implants.
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amother




Olive
 

Post  Fri, Oct 16 2020, 4:20 pm
My bottom front teeth are implants, I got them as a teen. I was simply born without all my adult teeth on the bottom. Almost 10 years later they still look perfect. No one knows they are implants unless I tell them. My parents paid 6k a tooth, not sure what prices are like now. I would just focus on moving forward from here, perhaps insurance will help pay for the implants? I had to wait until I was 16 since that was when I stopped growing in order to get implants. Your son can have a bone age x ray to predict when he will stop growing and can get the implants. Depending on the bone age he may not have to wait until 18.
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amother




Lawngreen
 

Post  Fri, Oct 16 2020, 4:37 pm
Let me start off by saying this is not your fault this doesn't happen from not brushing I grew up in a house where brushing teeth were not done . ya we always had tooth brushes but no one really used them it was never said brush and go to bed. plus we had roches so you never know if one was on you toothbrush so it was gross. None of us this issue and I have a sibling who ate a lot of candy and suger. Now I do have an implant in my back tooth from an tooth that was root canaled oddly then years later need up with an infection under the tooth that I choose to ignore for 6 months because of my dental phobia. I luckily hade good bone under so I holds nicley no issues I think with everything taking the tooth cleaning my infection and implant it was about 3000. I don't know where you live but I know I very good dentist who works with kids who have dental phobia. Mine was so bad my oldest daughter had a rotting tooth in mer mouth. Now I take them every 6 mouths and they beg to go .
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saralem




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Oct 16 2020, 5:20 pm
Oy, OP. Please be kind to yourself. You seem like a very caring, good mom. You can’t do everything— you’re only human. (Even though we seem to think we ought to be able to do everything). This is a fixable problem. It will be ok. Hugs.
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amother




Coral
 

Post  Sat, Oct 17 2020, 10:32 pm
Goldie613 wrote:
Off topic for the OP, but might be helpful for you - have you tried the Shabbos toothbrush with him? A family member has a lot of sensory issues and would do the exact same thing as your son. The bristles on the Shabbos toothbrush are so different from the regular kind that he didn't suck on them as much, so he had an easier time learning toothbrushing with that before transitioning to a regular toothbrush.


Thank you, I will look into it. Open to anything that might help.
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notshanarishona




 
 
 
 

Post  Sat, Oct 17 2020, 10:39 pm
amother [ Natural ] wrote:
To the woman whose implants kept breaking. Maybe you don’t have enough support for them and actually do need a bridge! I’m not a dentist but my brother is one and he’s very into implants/bridges so this is what I hear. And also to the OP - you can get the dentures now and then go for opinions later and see if he needs a bridge or implants.


Yes they didn’t recommend a bridge at first because why mess with two healthy teeth on the sides of the missing one but that is plan B/C once I save up enough to pay for it. I don’t know how dentists get away with charging thousands! For a couple hours of work. I was told a bridge is 2-3 appointments and quoted $3k! The field is so rediculously unregulated with pricing, worse than used car repairs.
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familyfirst




 
 
 
 

Post  Sat, Oct 17 2020, 11:18 pm
Can totally relate
Child predisposed to cavities etc
No dental visits during covid

Now has a gazillion cavities, root canal, extraction, implant and crowns

Checkout carefreedental.com
They are not insurance but affiliated with Aetna ppo
$19.99 a month fir the whole family

Ask them to send you the providers in their list and find a pediatric dentist who will charge you according to Aetna rates

The implant, in its entirety, with the crown, should be around $3600

It sure your dentist is even including the crown in his fee. Find out.

Not your fault. Maybe now your son will take his dental hygiene more seriously

But I totally get the frustration and disappointment and worry over the financial bills
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hello321




 
 
 
 

Post  Sat, Oct 17 2020, 11:55 pm
Hi
Im going to take the time to respond after reading your thread because I think the support is important.
You are a good mother.
You did and are doing the best you can with the tools Hashem gave and continues to give you.
You are the best mother for this child because this child was given to you and entrusted in your care by Hashem.
Baruch Hashem there is a solution so the child can still have a beautiful smile and eat normally.
You are doing great!
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
You are taking care of your kid.
Pat yourself on the back.
You got this.
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oneofakind




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Oct 18 2020, 12:06 am
Sounds like my SIL who bought top notch expensive wait-on-line for hours to be expertily fitted shoes for her children. When the child developed bunions, she was told it's due to cheap ill-fitting shoes.
Not your fault. Lots of hugs.
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amother




Gold
 

Post  Sun, Oct 18 2020, 12:17 am
hugs. we took my 5 yr old to dentist adn were told he was looking at mouth full of root canals. he has terrible teeth genes among other problems. try not to be so hard on yourself.
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amother




Copper
 

Post  Sun, Oct 18 2020, 12:33 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Banging head
I can't calm down

So so sorry for your failure feelings OP!
I have two relatives with dentures from extremely wonderful families.
One fell on cement stairs while playing with her friends in her friend’s house
Another happened in the school playground, also a fall, I’m not sure about the details but it was during recess with rebbes on recess duty.
It happens.
My own son also needs one, he has very sensitive teeth and they needed to pull one out even though he brushes his teeth daily!
I was also devastated, but BH these days the implants are amazing.
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