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Letters to the Editor: Ridiculous Edition
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InnerMe




 
 
 
 

Post  Sat, Oct 17 2020, 10:46 pm
One of the threads here reminded me of all the ridiculous letters to the editor I used to read in the Yated and FJJ (Flatbush Jewish Journal)

I figured it would be entertaining to start a thread creating our own letters.
You can either write a new letter or do a response letter to another post.

Extra points for over-the-top ridiculous-ness. Very Happy

(Challenge - see if you can avoid Covid talk in your letters. )

I'll start:

Dear editor,

I was really dismayed to find on page 91 an image of Rabbi Shmoigerboim and on page 90 a picture of President Trump. This means that when the magazine is closed upright President trump is literally sitting on top of a chashuv tzaddik. This is incredibly disrespectful to a Rabbi of Rabbi S's caliber and I expect a full throated apology.

If you felt you really, really must print it this way (why that would be I can't imagine,) you should've at the very least placed a big, bold disclaimer on page 1 that the magazine should only be placed front side down. I expect more from a torah magazine of your caliber.

Dismayed and disillusioned
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InnerMe




 
 
 
 

Post  Sat, Oct 17 2020, 10:56 pm
Dear Editor,
I wanted to make your readers aware of something that's been weighing on my mind for a while: The clumsy kiddush drippers.

You see, I'll be standing at a kiddush trying to fill my plate with some hot cholent, and kugel and suddenly - drip! there's a guy trying to take from above me and dripping hot cholent on my shabbosdig suit that my wife just brought back from the cleaners!!

If it happened once, I'd let it slide, I'm a decent guy after all. But this has happened to me a couple of times and I think the oilam should be made aware. It is time to teach our children, and our ADULTS some manners. Derech eretz kudmah latorah, after all.

Dirty suited at the kiddush

Btw, something along these lines was once a legit letter in the Yated.
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lilies




 
 
 
 

Post  Sat, Oct 17 2020, 11:03 pm
Dear Editor,

It's mamash baal tashchis to have a newspaper printed every week just for entertainment purposes. All that paper and ink goes to waste when people can't afford their basic bread and milk. Never mind the pressure to keep up with the Cohens and buy your wasteful newspaper each week. We can easily read it all online on a kosher site. For shame!

Yiddish Gelt
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amother




Ruby
 

Post  Sat, Oct 17 2020, 11:10 pm
There was actually a letter once in a yiddish newspaper about people who use large umbrellas and bump into other people on the street.

Must have been a slow news day
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mocha




 
 
 
 

Post  Sat, Oct 17 2020, 11:15 pm
Dear Editor,

I've been a reader of yours for a while now, and loved your articles each week. lately there has been some changes that's disappointing... the text are getting smaller by the week and so hard to read. also the images used to portrayed in bright and lightening colors but now they are all so unclear I can vaguely see.

ETA: Sorry GD says its my glasses that needed a wash....
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InnerMe




 
 
 
 

Post  Sat, Oct 17 2020, 11:17 pm
lilies wrote:
Dear Editor,

It's mamash baal tashchis to have a newspaper printed every week just for entertainment purposes. All that paper and ink goes to waste when people can't afford their basic bread and milk. Never mind the pressure to keep up with the Cohens and buy your wasteful newspaper each week. We can easily read it all online on a kosher site. For shame!

Yiddish Gelt


Dear Yiddish Gelt,
Howwww cooooould you even suggest that it should go online? Are you aware the shmutz, the tumah, the ill that is online. (Don't worry I am sending this letter by fax. Not email. Yeah, they still exist.) Are you saying a yiddish neshama is worth less than some paper an ink?????? I mamash can't believe this. And even more so that the editor deemed this fit for print.

In Shock
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InnerMe




 
 
 
 

Post  Sat, Oct 17 2020, 11:20 pm
mocha wrote:
Dear Editor,

I've been a reader of yours for a while now, and loved your articles each week. lately there has been some changes that's disappointing... the text are getting smaller by the week and so hard to read. also the images used to portrayed in bright and lightening colors but now they are all so unclear I can vaguely see.

ETA: Sorry GD says its my glasses that needed a wash....


Laugh
(btw, I for real have been having this issue with Mishpacha lately. They started printing some stuff in really small text and I have to strain my eyes to read them. For example, the writings that went along with the image of 3 windows illuminated and a child by each one... in the succos edition. Is it just me?
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InnerMe




 
 
 
 

Post  Sat, Oct 17 2020, 11:27 pm
Dear Editor,
I'm in bed and I can't fall asleep. I'm twisting and turning and nada. It's the article I read a few days ago. How a child was lost in a kosher grocery. And found a few minutes later. It's already a few days and the image is haunting me. How can this be in a magazine that calls itself a "family magazine?"

I shudder thinking what would happen if my 16 year old came across this article. Of course, I already ripped out those pages but sometimes she gets to reading before me. Phew. Please, it's time to stop the sensationalism and write about grocery trips where children are well behaved and mommy buys challah and yummy ingredients for supper. And then prepares it. And Tatty thanks her for it and offers to put the kids to sleep. And they go to sleep peacefully. Why the need for so much drama and terror??

Can't sleep in NJ
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honeymoon




 
 
 
 

Post  Sat, Oct 17 2020, 11:46 pm
InnerMe wrote:
Dear Yiddish Gelt,
Howwww cooooould you even suggest that it should go online? Are you aware the shmutz, the tumah, the ill that is online. (Don't worry I am sending this letter by fax. Not email. Yeah, they still exist.) Are you saying a yiddish neshama is worth less than some paper an ink?????? I mamash can't believe this. And even more so that the editor deemed this fit for print.

In Shock

Thank you for this letter. It took me a while to recover after reading Yiddish gelts letter. What has our world come to??? Additionally, taking his advice would mean that I would lose my oneg shabbos as I wouldn't be able to read my favorite magazine on the computer on shabbos. But that's only a side point. Obviously, the internet issue was my main motive for this letter. Totally l'shem shomayim ya know.
Many thanks,
Lamed vuv tzaddik
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Wife1




 
 
 
 

Post  Sat, Oct 17 2020, 11:53 pm
InnerMe wrote:
Dear Editor,
I'm in bed and I can't fall asleep. I'm twisting and turning and nada. It's the article I read a few days ago. How a child was lost in a kosher grocery. And found a few minutes later. It's already a few days and the image is haunting me. How can this be in a magazine that calls itself a "family magazine?"

I shudder thinking what would happen if my 16 year old came across this article. Of course, I already ripped out those pages but sometimes she gets to reading before me. Phew. Please, it's time to stop the sensationalism and write about grocery trips where children are well behaved and mommy buys challah and yummy ingredients for supper. And then prepares it. And Tatty thanks her for it and offers to put the kids to sleep. And they go to sleep peacefully. Why the need for so much drama and terror??

Can't sleep in NJ


Dear can’t sleep

How heartless and uncaring of you to write about your husband and child(ren). Do you know how many women wish to be in your shoes? Please never mention husband or children again it causes too much pain.

Ahaiv Yisroel
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amother




Copper
 

Post  Sat, Oct 17 2020, 11:55 pm
amother [ Ruby ] wrote:
There was actually a letter once in a yiddish newspaper about people who use large umbrellas and bump into other people on the street.

Must have been a slow news day

That went on for weeks.

My husband writes letters for a local circular (some of them are true) people seriously take the time to call the newspaper to let them know that apples and pears are treif unless you peel them (ask your own rav:)) and that q tips are great for cleaning your ears (or not).
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InnerMe




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Oct 18 2020, 1:25 pm
Wife1 wrote:
Dear can’t sleep

How heartless and uncaring of you to write about your husband and child(ren). Do you know how many women wish to be in your shoes? Please never mention husband or children again it causes too much pain.

Ahaiv Yisroel


Dear ahaiv Yisrael,

I thought about this a lot and decided you are right. I beg forgiveness from all those I've unintentionally hurt. I shall now wander through ancient cities with nary some food and water in the hopes of meriting forgiveness for my grave sins.

Going galus wandering
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ExtraCredit




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Oct 18 2020, 1:35 pm
Dear editor,
On pg 79, on the upper right 8th of the page there’s an ad for a children’s boutique. The child is dressed really sweet but he’s not wearing a mask. It’s a ספק pikuach nefesh since people will see it and think that masks are no longer necessary. Please don’t post any pictures of humans or animals without masks for the foreseeable future. You don’t want blood on your hands magazine.
Thank you for giving me something to email you about.
Signed, Home alone in hazmat suit since March
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WitchKitty




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Oct 18 2020, 2:57 pm
Dear Editor,

Thank you for printing the piece about R' Chaim Berelowitz. My parents also lived in the Bronx. My father owned a butcher shop there, back when a steak cost 9 cents. My father married his first wife in 1928, and when she died during childbirth together with the baby, he went into deep depression. The Rav of his shul, Rabbi Teitelbaum Zecher Tzadik v'kadosh l'vracha, told him about my mother, who was his sister's brother-in-law's cousin and had just gotten off the boat from Europe. She was from the town of Chechnik, in Lithuania, to where her parents had moved after Rabbi Simon died in 1911. During the first world war they lost all their possessions, but only my mother managed to get to America. After they met and subsequently decided to marry, my mother in her great joy at finding her match promised to work and save money in order to bring her parents to the wedding. Sadly, that was not to be. Her parents died of old age before the money reached them. My mother died of a broken heart when I was young. She blamed herself her whole life for not getting the money sooner. If only they would have had the doctors available in the golden medina!I was my parents 6th child. I grew up a happy boy with lots of friends. When I was 21 I met my wife, Susie. Together we have been happily married for over 50 years. We live today in Eretz Yisroel, like we always dreamed.
Thank you again for your wonderful magazine,
Shmuel Tzvibel
Jerusalem
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amother




Violet
 

Post  Sun, Oct 18 2020, 4:08 pm
WitchKitty Rolling Laughter
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InnerMe




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Oct 18 2020, 4:15 pm
Dear Shmuel Tzvibel,

Did your wife Susie by chance go to Brooklyn college back in 1965? I believe we were in college together. Please send her regards. Tell her I'm sorry about the pencil I borrowed and forgot to return. What hashgacha that you wrote in here!

Chava Z.
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InnerMe




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Oct 18 2020, 4:21 pm
ExtraCredit wrote:
Dear editor,
On pg 79, on the upper right 8th of the page there’s an ad for a children’s boutique. The child is dressed really sweet but he’s not wearing a mask. It’s a ספק pikuach nefesh since people will see it and think that masks are no longer necessary. Please don’t post any pictures of humans or animals without masks for the foreseeable future. You don’t want blood on your hands magazine.
Thank you for giving me something to email you about.
Signed, Home alone in hazmat suit since March


Dear Home alone hazmat suit,
I wanted to make you aware that there's a new magazine called MASKim that will only have masked animals and peoples in the pictures. We already have a Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and Whatsapp account. It is time for us to band together and make it clear that we will not tolerate this. It's time to stop supporting magazines who don't care for the lives of their fellow brethen.

Founder, MASKim magazine
P.s. We are still asking our Rabbis whether pictures of women are allowed being that only the eyes will be seen. We can always just have the women pull the mask over their eyes as well and include it that way if our Rabbinical Board has a problem with that.
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WitchKitty




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Oct 18 2020, 4:35 pm
Dear Editor,

I wanted to share a segula I heard. If you take a cat's tail and wind it around your foot for 3 days, you will live forever!
I have done it and so far I am still alive!

Mrs. Beelever.
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WitchKitty




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Oct 18 2020, 4:36 pm
Dear Editor,

I am constantly surprised that your "rabbinical board" keeps on missing important things. For example, I noticed that in issue #798, there was the the word nursing in the wrong context. My daughter kept on asking me what nurses have to do with babies, and I although of course I explained to her that it was probably a typo, instead of writing "bottles", I am not sure that she was convinced.
PLEASE help our children stay pure.

Tzaddeikes
Lakewood
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ExtraCredit




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Oct 18 2020, 5:05 pm
InnerMe wrote:
Dear Home alone hazmat suit,
I wanted to make you aware that there's a new magazine called MASKim that will only have masked animals and peoples in the pictures. We already have a Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and Whatsapp account. It is time for us to band together and make it clear that we will not tolerate this. It's time to stop supporting magazines who don't care for the lives of their fellow brethen.

Founder, MASKim magazine
P.s. We are still asking our Rabbis whether pictures of women are allowed being that only the eyes will be seen. We can always just have the women pull the mask over their eyes as well and include it that way if our Rabbinical Board has a problem with that.

Dear editor,
Can I suggest a good quote for your cover? Choose MASKim, so you won’t need MisASKim? Think it will go over well? Can you pay me for this brilliant quote?
Thanks for giving me something else to email you about,
Hazmat suit since March


Last edited by ExtraCredit on Sun, Oct 18 2020, 7:09 pm; edited 2 times in total
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