Letters to the Editor: Ridiculous Edition

doodlesmom

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 9:32 pm

Dear editor
As a part of a holy nation I take offense with the following sections in your paper, and would like to see them removed.
Anything household, food, Recipe or clothing related is way to gashmius.
Any personal stories can have loshon hora.
Stories including spouses, kids, homes, parents, siblings should be avoided to protect horse who are lacking any of the above.
Politics are definitely not meant for a Yiddish’s home- especially these days with the government out to get us.
Anything on he parsha or daf should be omitted in case I don’t get to finish the magazine on the correct week And get confused.

Thank you for understandIng, we look forward to your magazine every week and would love to be able to purchase it again once the changes are made!

An easy to please kinda girl

Hashem_Yaazor

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 9:49 pm

To whom it may concern:

The characters in the serial "Whispering Heights" really need some marriage counseling. They aren't communicating well with each other and I've seen my clients benefit immensely from my patented technique that I call "unbroken telephone". With a lot of time and effort, I imagine Menucha and Simcha really will find success being an ohr layehudim if they start the therapy soon. This can be done no matter what drama surrounds them. I implore the writer to reach out to me and see what services I can offer on my sliding scale fee schedule before it's too late.

Hinda Goldgrubber, LCSW, PhD, CLFTIUT
Director, Levavos Lo Shvuros

syrima

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 9:56 pm

tigerwife wrote:

Dear Readers,

We would like to alert you about an ommission in last week’s fancy-schmancy-can’t-believe-it’s-low-carb-diet-babka-that-your-sisters-in-law-will-drool-over recipe. There should have been six cups of flour. Also, it was supposed to read 1/2 teaspoon salt, not 1/2 cup. We’re also not sure how the red pepper flakes ended up there- perhaps from the recipe on page 78. Red pepper flakes would go nicely there.

We hope your still have a relationship with your sisters-in-law.

Riki Geshikte
Fressen Magazine

Actually I am writing to say thank you so much for this amazing recipe, and I appreciate your making it gluten free by omitting the flour. The pepper was a brilliant idea, my husband loved it so much that he turned red in the face and shed actual tears , which he insisted were tears of joy although he didn't ask for seconds. It goes really well with scrambled eggs, which is the only thing I know how to make!

-Clueless in the kitchen

proudmomma

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 9:56 pm

Dear Editor
I've never written a letter to the editor before but felt that I needed to bring to your attention, the utter devastation your magazine is causing.
This generation as we all know is already so entitled and lazy. One just has to take a trip to the local grocery to see what's become the standard. Plastic tableware that looks like china, ready frozen stuffed cabbage- it's a shandah!
To add salt to injury your weekly magazine features a" sickness of the week". These spoiled and lazy women read the artcle feverishly looking for a symptom that they might have and then they have the validation to do even less! Don't you realize how destructive that is?! Children growing up R"L with store bought kreplach(shudder!)!!
I beseech you to please think of your responsibility to the future generations of Klal Yisroel!
Another side point that I'd like to add is that I don't have enough time to deliver my heavenly homemade bundt cake to all the women that I identify each week who suffer from the "sickness of the week".
It has to stop!
Sincerely
Want the best for the kids

southernbubby

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 9:57 pm

Dear Editor,

There is an unfinished building on West Central that's been sitting there forever and that has lots of weeds and garbage outside.
I didn't miss not seeing it these last 12 days but now I have a real desire to see it. Maybe your readers have some advice.

Signed,
SB

yksraya

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 10:04 pm

Dear editor

I have a serious complain with all your recipes.I made your heavenly fudge marble cake. I followed the directions of put 3 eggs into mixer, and mix with sugar. I don't know where I went wrong, but there were tons of eggshell in the cake, I almost broke my teeth. Next time be more explicit that the eggs need to be cracked before putting them into mixer.

Sincerely,
A confused baker.

Bubby6

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 10:05 pm

Dear Ed,

I told myself that if it would happen I would be mefarseim the neis. I lit a candle for 40 days and mamash a neis happened. I can't divulge what the neis was or my MIL will disown me. Everyday I burned pictures of women, sheitls, short skirts and food with unprnouncable hechsheirim. I feel so cleansed! My issue now is that I also burnt my mask and hazmat suit (2018, just saying) , so I can't go out to buy more candles. What does your choshuve oilam suggest?

Lightless in Lakewood

HindaF

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 10:07 pm

Dear Editor,
I wanted to strongly warn readers of an alarming, tragic trend I've been noticing as of late. I was going shopping with my daughter before yomtov for some skirts when I realized something strange and frankly, rather shocking All the skirts closed with snaps, zippers, and buttons instead of the stretchy spandex waistband I have raised all my daughters with. I just couldnt believe it! What is all our chinuch worth if we send our girls the non jewish, vain message that our waist size matters?!
My fifteen year old daughter constantly helps me in the kitchen with the holy task of erev shabbos kokosh cake baking and sampling. Accordingly she has quite an ample waist that she has always been rather proud of.We call it her mitsvah roll! And suddenly she was made to feel shamed when not one zipper in that whole entire store was able to be zipped! When she should be encouraged and lauded for her emerging superior balabusta skills!
We left the store, both of us quite dispirited( no skirt closed on me either) and I comforted my daughter by buying her a fresh cheese danish from a nearby bakery. Also, I promised to sign her up for sewing lessons so she can learn to sew her own slinky skirts and never experience such a traumatic experience ever again. It is up to us neshei yisroel to stand up for whats truly important...Our insides, not our waists. As one, lets protest, bring back our spandex!
Sincerely,
A concerned yiddish mama who refuses to skirt this important issue.

Hashem_Yaazor

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 10:15 pm

Dear recipe writers,

I tried your recipe for spaghetti and meatballs, with a few variations. I used brown rice ramen noodles instead of the spaghetti, salsa for the marina sauce, and I made the meatballs with canned salmon. I followed the directions exactly, but I'm not sure why it all mushed together. Did you perhaps mean 6 minutes instead of 16 for the pasta? It was also a little spicy. The meatballs also didn't really stay together. Do you have recipe testers to ensure these actually work and taste good? I'm afraid to try anymore...

Thank you in advance for your insights,
Befuddled

HindaF

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 10:22 pm

Just wanted to tell Bubby6 that she should really be more careful when posting, not to divulge too many details because you never know who can recognize you based on nuances you might not chap you are using. I'm pretty sure you are my sil because my mil also tells me the same thing all the time! She will definitely recognize herself and be very embarrassed. It's time for some introspection...not everything that is thought should be written. I hope you will take my words to heart and think ten times before posting such derogatory information.

Bubby6

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 10:23 pm

Dear Editor,

I feel obligated to share with your choshuve readers about a very important issue. If you leave your slippers in the oven all day, they will be warm when you come home this winter (I am very against global warming). I haven't tried it yet myself but I think it would be a very good idea.

Sincerely,
Brilliant in Brooklyn

Bubby6

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 10:32 pm

HindaF wrote:

Dearest Hindale, I am tickled pink to see you here! My dear sil, you are so not smart. I already thought of that. I burned every Yated our MIL gets before she reads it. Maybe you too should try to light a candle for 40 days and see what happens.
PS could you please make 40 of your famous chocolate babkes for next week's Sheva brochos? I know I can rely on you, so I already agreed on your behalf.

Bubby6

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 10:51 pm

southernbubby wrote:

Dearest Editor,

In reference to SB's letter, please tell her to come by my house antyime. Here she can find all the weeds and garbage she wants to feast her eyes on. PS does anyone know of a goiter who will come wearing a mask or two, a hazmat suit, high heels (I'm fancy) and a slinky elastic waisted skirt?

amother

Vermilion

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 11:04 pm

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

This is how my MIL cooks LOL

amother

Slategray

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 11:11 pm

Bubby 6, you know that I'm really not the type to give back tit for tat but as long as we're on the topic of "smartness"...
My girls and I have been keeping our footwear in the oven for as long as we've been baking our kokosh cakes, simply because it's where we hang out the most.
So not to chas vshalom burst your bubble but your brilliant idea wasn't really a chidush.
PS. How I wish I could bake those 40 babkas! But since your dear niece has started sewing lessons, I mamash can't find my Bosch under all that velvet and elastic! I'm sure Mommy will understand.

southernbubby

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 11:12 pm

Bubby6 wrote: