Letters to the Editor: Ridiculous Edition

SuperWify

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 12:39 pm

Dear editor,

I’m shaking so hard I might just need hatzloah.

My teenage son just asked me what a miscarriage was after reading your magazine.

He’s 19 and he doesn’t know where babies are developed - as is AGE APPROPRIATE. Like all good bochrim his age he believed until now that we pick up the baby from the hospital when the doctor calls us too. Now I was forced against my will to admit that a baby grows inside his mother and can even have the possibility of dying there chas v Shalom lo aleinu poo poo.

I am canceling my subscription and I urge all good yiddeshe mammes to do the same.

This is a true miscarriage of justice!

Sincerely,
A yiddeshe mamme who cares about the future of our children unlike YOUR magazine

Last edited by SuperWify on Mon, Oct 19 2020, 12:51 pm; edited 1 time in total

ExtraCredit

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 12:45 pm

WitchKitty wrote:

I think you should make an "asking for link thread".
I still do think this is the funniest thread ever.
https://www.imamother.com/foru.....32634

You should start that thread. “Need a link? Just ask me, WitchKitty.”
Tysm!

Last edited by ExtraCredit on Mon, Oct 19 2020, 12:52 pm; edited 1 time in total

WitchKitty

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 12:48 pm

SuperWify wrote:

Dear editor,

I’m shaking so hard I might just need hatzloah.

My teenage son just asked me what a miscarriage was after reading your magazine.

He’s 19 and he doesn’t know that babies where developed - as is AGE APPROPRIATE. Like all good bochrim his age he believed until now that we pick up the baby from the hospital when the doctor calls us too. Now I was forced against my will to admit that a baby grows inside his mother and can even have the possibility of dying there chas v Shalom lo aleinu poo poo.

I am canceling my subscription and I urge all good yiddeshe mammes to do the same.

This is a true miscarriage of justice!

Sincerely,
A yiddeshe mamme who cares about the future of our children unlike YOUR magazine

Dear yiddishe mamme,

Please go to http://www.frummemagazine.com/yingerlach. We have a great dictionary for young boys.
The definition of miscarriage:
noun
ˈmɪsˌkærɪdʒ
When a yiddishe baby falls out of the carriage on the way home from the hospital.
Also see our website for exciting features!

WitchKitty

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 12:51 pm

gamzehyaavor wrote:

Whichkitty we cross posted : Rolling Laughter

Yours is better Rolling Laughter

I can't stop laughing. I'm imagining this poshiteh yiddeshe mama walking out of the hospital wearing a tichel, so excited about the new baby that she ordered from the hospital... when the carriage goes missing with the baby in it... . And... No more baby Crying

Last edited by WitchKitty on Mon, Oct 19 2020, 12:55 pm; edited 1 time in total

SuperWify

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 12:55 pm

WitchKitty wrote:

Dear Frumme Magazine,

I’m subscribing to your magazine. That’s a good answer. The problem was I was so caught off guard when he asked me I let the real answer slip!!!!!

Oy oyy! What will become of my innocent son!

My mind can’t stop racing!

And I can’t stop shaking!

What if he asks me the next question- how did the baby get there?? Yhameivin Yavin...

A yiddishe mamme

Boca00

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 12:57 pm

SuperWify wrote:

Dear Yiddishe Mamme,

I am horrified that your 19 year old son doesn't know how babies are conceived! I sing my precious little newborns bedtime songs about conception, labor and childbirth... basically, how they got here! We are very open about everything my children want to and don't want to know.

I am also baffled.. how do you win the contest of who-does-more with your husband if you can't end it with, "but I gave birth to them!". Does that mean you always have to take out the garbage and change lightbulbs?

Sincerely,
Scratching my head but it's not lice or nits...
and now you're itchy too due to the "scratch reflex" that occurs when talking about lice.

InnerMe

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 1:08 pm

amother [ Beige ] wrote:

Dear Editor,

Although your magazine professes to offer quality entertainment to our families, I was dismayed and disgusted when perusing your most recent edition.

I had hoped that as editor, you would take personal responsibility for proper grammar and spelling in your publication. I was therefore scandalized to notice no less than TWO egregious errors in the article on page 13.

Firstly, there was a case of the unnecessary comma in "its," a terribly juvenile error. Then there was the even more appalling "viola," as a terrible defacement of the beautiful French "voilà."

Please take more care in the future. These types of careless errors are what plague my 7th grade English class, and now I know where they get it from.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Persnickety

Dear Mrs. Persnickety,

I graduated your class in 1971. I will have you know that even though I am a writer and I write for this great magazine, I did NOT author page 13. I will not let you know which page was mine (it's obviously under a penname - still got kids to marry off) but if there are any errors then please be assured that it's due to years of reading this magazine and not chas v'shalom your inadequate lessons. I'd never, ever suggest that.

Also - I never got back that Persuasive Essay you had us write (during midwinter vacation, no less! Argh!). I'm sure my 7th grade granddaughter will find it amusing. Can you see if you have it?

Yours fondly,
Chana Rechel Simkowitz

InnerMe

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 1:17 pm

Boca00 wrote:

This doesn't even deserve a "Dear editor" because apparently there is NO editor! HOW DID THIS LETTER GET PRINTED IN THIS MAGAZINE???

Enough is enough! How far have you sunken!
I am taking all of my old magazines dumping them into a giant garbage bag and setting a fire on it.
If you want to participate in this mitzvah please contact me through the magazine.

FURIOUS AND RAGING

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 2:42 pm

Dear Editor,

while I used to enjoy your magazine a lot, I am forced to cancel my subscription.
In the last edition, there was an ad for a youth speleology camp in Spain. In the description about the various caves the camp would visit, it was mentionned that one cave was about 30'000 years old, according to the length of the stalactites and stalagmites.

How could a serious, bekovedig magazine publish such utter nonsense? Everybody knows that the world was created 5781 years ago.

SuperWify

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 2:43 pm

Boca00 wrote:

Dear Scratching my head but it's not lice or nits...,

There is NO way you can be Jewish. Period full stop. You are a troll who is trolling a Frum magazine. Please go away.

As far as your argument with who does more- obviously I do but I learned a woman must never feel better then her ba’al (even if she is!!). But of course, as a [non jew], you wouldn’t understand.

Insincerely, A yiddeshe mamme

PS- I might not be able to see your response because I stopped buying this paper as I don’t agree with the morals here.

amother

Beige

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 2:52 pm

InnerMe wrote:

Well, well. Chana Rechel! A published author! Who could have imagined?

Chana Rechel, I remember that Persuasive Essay very well. It was the first and last time I ever had to hand in an essay to the principal.

I'm not sure what on earth possessed you to write a persuasive essay about allowing makeup in school! I was scandalized to see that a student in my school would even consider such a thing to be remotely appropriate.

The essay was promptly reduced to ashes in the principal's office, so I'm afraid I'll be unable to send it to your granddaughter. Regardless, I'm sure you wouldn't want to contaminate her mind with such a repulsive thought.

I'm sure that you've matured since then, and when I see a makeup-free Chana Rechel walking down the street I'll beam with pride.

Wishing you much success in your career, and a dangling-participle-free future.

Your former teacher,
Mrs. Persnickety

Boca00

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 3:03 pm

SuperWify wrote:

Dear Yiddeshe Mamme,

Do you mean to say that only Jewish people may buy this paper and write to the editor? How utterly racist and elitist! How discriminatory! Luckily, I am married to a high-powered lawyer and will be investigating your allegations further.

Last lawsuit we filed, we ended up with a clean 6.7 million which funded our vacation home. I am looking forward to my new yacht.
I hope it won't be too hard to you to part with your retirement fund.

All's fair in love and war,
Scratching, etc.

GLUE

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 3:51 pm

Dear Editor,

I was reading how a Jewish Women should not wear colors only black and they definitively should not were bright colors like orange . Here at the Upper Peninsula(of Michigan) for a few months a year if you do not were orange you will get shot. In the dim winter light and with the sun reflecting off the snow it is hard to know if what you see is a person or a deer and hunters get confused. It is a matter of Pekuach Nefesh.

Orange is the new black

SuperWify

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 4:05 pm

Boca00 wrote:

Dear Scratching,

Being that I stopped subscribing to a magazine that allows people from the Umos HaOlam read it, (amongst countless other issues like sheitel ads and mentioning miscarriages), I canceled my subscription and I DO NOT get the magazine anymore. I DO NOT even read it!

So I don’t in any way know about your lawsuit.

Mwah ha ha. Twisted Evil

A yiddeshe mamme

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 4:26 pm

doodlesmom wrote:

Dear editor
As a part of a holy nation I take offense with the following sections in your paper, and would like to see them removed.
Anything household, food, Recipe or clothing related is way to gashmius.
Any personal stories can have loshon hora.
Stories including spouses, kids, homes, parents, siblings should be avoided to protect horse who are lacking any of the above.
Politics are definitely not meant for a Yiddish’s home- especially these days with the government out to get us.
Anything on he parsha or daf should be omitted in case I don’t get to finish the magazine on the correct week And get confused.

Thank you for understandIng, we look forward to your magazine every week and would love to be able to purchase it again once the changes are made!

An easy to please kinda girl

Dear easy to please kinda girl

I found the right reading material for you. It is calles "chamisha chumshei torah" and you will find them in any good jewish bookstore.

But what do I see!
There are sections about cooking - we have to take those out.
There are personal stories - away with them.
There are stories about spouses, kids, homes, parents, siblings and sibling rivalry! - black those out
There are politics - but fortunately not contemporar politics, so maybe we could leave those in...
And it is full of parshes!!!!

Sorry, I meant well, but it will not work out..

So stick to our magazine, this is the best eytze I can give you in those difficult times...

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 4:32 pm

mocha wrote:

Dear Editor

Issue #9543 Page 64-65 had an article praising highly about a specific baby crib, claiming it is made in turkey, designed in france, imported from italy, packaged in Afghanistan etc etc details I cant even remember... So ofcourse, me being the best mom I ran the very next morning and (first took out a loan and then) bought this amazing beautiful work of art crib but to my dismay my baby is at all not amazed! she is crying through the night just like she used to, in her little old made in china junk. I feel like you fooled me! Crying

A sad mom

Dear sad mon

I hate to tell you: the fundamental problem has nothing to do with the crib, but with your baby...

GLUE

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 4:35 pm

Dear Editor,

In your article about wine I am shocked that you did not included our wine Sheleg. My family has been making this award winning, North Dakota Ice Wine for over 50 years. We are rated second in all Ice wines coming out of North Dakota. We are the only completely Kosher Wine Makers in all of North Dakota. How could you not even mention our wines, are you snobs that can't write anything in the "Fly over Country". I saw that you did not also write about my cousins Arkansas Wine. They are the only completely Kosher Wine in the whole Arkansas. I thought this was a magazine for all Jewish Women in the whole country not just the Coasts.

The best Ice Wine Makers in North Dakota

HindaF

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 9:25 am

Dear Editor,
This letter is a long time in coming. Words can not adequately describe how much I enjoy your magazine! From the second it comes delivered to our door, my children's joy and excitement knows no bounds! All week long my kids take on extra babysitting jobs and my husband tutors after night seder so that we can bid over your exeptional publication. The bidding starts after supper on Wednesday night and last week my eleven year old Hershel was the lucky recipient! He bought it with all his saved chanukah and purim gelt , a total of 230$.
Which brings me to my next point. My family is running out of cash. This month my husband spent a total of 600$ to read your inspiring and thought provoking magazine and we are all sitting in the dark because we couldnt pay our electricity bill this month. We are also very afraid of the coming winter when the heat won't work either. Canceling our subscription is obviously not an option; it is a breath of fresh air and enriches our lives so immeasurably!
I am appealing to your wonderdul readers. Please take a moment to check out our family's go fund me page and help us out. Please! We cannot continue receiving this wonderful, life changing magazine without your support! Just 10$ a month will go far in enabling a yiddishe mishpacha to buy enough shearling winter coats and warm blankets for when the heat is turned off. In that merit may you and your family always be able to afford this wonderful magazine and not need to rely on any handouts!
Sincerely,
Squinting as I write by candlelight,
A desperate yiddish mama