Taking a vacation with only one or some of your children

amother

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 11:40 am

Would you do this and leave the other child/ren with your husband? I don't want to go with negative energy. Yes, that's the main reason.

tigerwife

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 11:41 am

Only if I was taking a small baby that couldn’t manage without me. If I was the child left behind, I’d feel very resentful.

amother

Puce

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 11:43 am

This doesn't seem very fair or normal. I don't think it's a fair thing to do to a child or for other kids to see that the difficult child gets left behind because you don't want your vacation to be ruined.

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 11:47 am

We left a 1 year old at home once with grandparents for a few days to fly out of state for a wedding with the older kids. That went well, he didn't mind. But I can't see us ever leaving a kid old enough to understand that they're missing a special event or vacation.

amother

Periwinkle

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 11:48 am

I think it depends on if its only one child going on the trip or only one left behind. Like if its taking one kid on a special trip I can see it being ok but if it's about punishing the child(ren) left behind I don't think that sounds like a good idea.

amother

Puce

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 11:49 am

Maybe you can do a system where you take just 1 child at a time so like this the difficult child gets a turn without being left out.

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 11:51 am

amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:

I didn't think of this, but I agree. Like taking a trip to Israel with each child for their bar or bat mitzvah or when they finish high school. If it's a rite of passage that all the kids can look forward to someday, I agree that is fine too.

silverlining3

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 11:59 am

Is there a reason you're taking this child over your other children?

Taking turns, travel or vacationing every year or so with another child seems fair enough. Otherwise, I'm wondering your motive.

amother

Puce

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 12:01 pm

silverlining3 wrote:

Is there a reason you're taking this child over your other children?

Taking turns, travel or vacationing every year or so with another child seems fair enough. Otherwise, I'm wondering your motive.

It seems like she wants to leave behind her difficult child because she doesn't want "negative energy" to ruin her vacation. It doesn’t seem very fair for a parent to do.

sky

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 12:01 pm

I personally would not.
But I know ppl who do it - but balance it.
Like girls go to Florida for midwinter and boys go skiing with father on a Sunday.
Some ppl do it bec girls have midwinter and boys don’t. I’d never do that. My boys are resentful already. I wouldn’t want to make it even more so.

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 12:02 pm

My parents traveled a lot for business and simchas (we lived oot) and we had turns to go.
It didn't always work out perfectly especially as some of us got older- not so easy to miss school- but since everyone was getting chances at different points it was ok

jerusalem90

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 12:18 pm

I wouldn't leave Moshe behind because he's a sourpuss and ruins the fun for me.

But if Sarah loves the sea, and Moshe hates the sea, I'd have no problem taking only Sarah to the sea.

amother

Lilac

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 12:39 pm

Is DH the sour puss who ruins everything that you are trying to avoid?
My dream vacation is DH taking all the children and leaving me home.
More realistically, if you are taking only one or only the girls or only the older ones.... that is fine as long as everyone has their turn (either with you or DH ) to do something special.

amother

Coral

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 12:43 pm

depends on your family.
I would not. My two girls are very close. They would have a fit if I took one over the other.

amother

Cerise

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 7:15 pm

Context matters completely. I have many times but for practicality reasons. It was never based on youre good so you come, youre not so you stay.

SixOfWands

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 7:34 pm

jerusalem90 wrote:

I wouldn't leave Moshe behind because he's a sourpuss and ruins the fun for me.

But if Sarah loves the sea, and Moshe hates the sea, I'd have no problem taking only Sarah to the sea.

This.

It makes sense to take kids on vacations targeted to their interests, or special trips at a certain time, so long as everyone gets a turn.

But to leave one home because of "negative energy" reeks of favoritism and "least favorite child" syndrome.

amother

Khaki

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 7:58 pm

I think it's mean unless you take turns. I have a neighbor who goes every year with her older kids away for over a week either a cruise or florida or somewhere and leaves her younger "difficult" one with a live in. Horrible.

amother

Beige

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 8:29 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Would you do this and leave the other child/ren with your husband? I don't want to go with negative energy. Yes, that's the main reason.

Yes, I would do it, provided the other child/ren do not feel deprived...

If you have a difficult child, it is important to give attention and one-on-on time to the "regular" children, from time to time... They also suffer from the stress and drama it all causes...

So either a split vacation - dad and difficult child(ren) go to x, mom and easy child(ren) go to y

or an attractive camp for difficult child (bungee jumping? mountain climbing? robot building?)

or at least attractive one-on-one time with dad....