He doesn't leave her alone!!!

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 10:50 am

My DS cannot get his hands off his younger sister. He's 11 and she's 7. He doesn't give her a moment to breathe. He looks for every opportunity to annoy, touch, tease, disturb. You name it! He told me that he's doing it for attention- not sure if it's true- but it's hard to ignore when he keeps driving her nuts and then she starts crying. He gets positive attention as well.

What is the right way to approach this and get him to stop??!

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 10:54 am

I don't have an answer for you, but I'd love to hear from others. My 8 yr old ds does it to his 9 yr old sister. It's def a sensory issue, but I don't know how to solve it.
Following...

Rappel

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 10:59 am

I guess he wants her attention, and enjoys getting a reaction.

Instead of telling him to lay off her, what happens if you structure their activity into a positive (supervised) game? Something engaging, which makes it worth it to be civil to his sister so he has a game partner?

NotInNJMommy

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 11:01 am

That sounds tricky. What if when this occurs you make it a point to give her attention and him, none at all?

amother

Firebrick

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 11:08 am

Have you tried giving her attention?

amother

Pearl

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 11:11 am

If he says he is doing it for attention, sit down with him and talk to him when he is calm and not near a recent incident. Ask him what type of additional attention would he like. Try to make a list and see if you can fit in some of these items either once a day, once a week, or once a month depending on how big they are. Remind him that it is never okay to start up with his sister (especially just to get attention). Let him know that you will also not be giving him negative attention. MOst likely he will still start up again after this conversation, but the next time he starts up with her, calmly remind him that you will not give attention for negative. Broken record if you need. You might want to give the sister a little extra attention when he does start up with her. You can also remind him throughout the week that you are looking forward to your special time with him.

QueensMama

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 11:14 am

Every time he harasses her, reward her with a sweet or quarter. Result: She will actually want to be bothered and he'll get upset that she's gaining goodies because of him. Works like charm.

amother

cornflower

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 11:55 am

Sounds quite normal for that age. Mine would walk into the house and within 5 seconds had irritated everyone of his siblings. They do outgrow it eventually. Never found a good solution until they just matured on their own. He's now a mature married father of 2, so there is hope.

amother

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 12:16 pm

QueensMama wrote:

Every time he harasses her, reward her with a sweet or quarter. Result: She will actually want to be bothered and he'll get upset that she's gaining goodies because of him. Works like charm.

Will you believe me if I told you that we tried that- and his reaction was- "I like when she gets treats!" Banging head

QueensMama

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 1:50 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Will you believe me if I told you that we tried that- and his reaction was- "I like when she gets treats!" Banging head

He’s a smart cookie. He knows how to get peoples goats that’s for sure! He said that because he knew you wanted the opposite reaction.

How long did you keep it up? Keep going at it consistently. Up the treats. Have a chart and treat her to ice cream etc

amother

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 2:14 pm

QueensMama wrote:

I did it for maybe a few days at most. I will happily keep it going- but is it mean?

amother

Khaki

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 2:46 pm

Op,

I didn’t have a younger sibling growing up, but I annoyed most people around me, family, friends, etc. I did it because it was entertaining for me. I was always advanced for my age too. I don’t have a solution for you, but I’m following because my dc is just the same!!!

amother

Blue

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 2:55 pm

I wish I knew what to do Sad

My son is 14 and still enjoys bothering everyone around him. He laughs when they cry. Scares then every time he passes by them. I'm not sure what kind of crazy enjoyment he gets out of being mean. So frustrating Banging head

He covers his ears when I talk to him and makes noise when we ask for quiet. I have never seen such chutzpa in my life.

Anyways, OP, hatzlacha!!

QueensMama

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 3:11 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I did it for maybe a few days at most. I will happily keep it going- but is it mean?

Mean to who?

amother

Copper

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 3:15 pm

Read smart but scattered

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