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Hashem_n_Farfel




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 19 2020, 4:57 pm
People treating you funny, like borderline racist or disrespectful?

3 years ago I was working for Someone. I was babysitting and cleaning her house for parnosa. I was not married yet.
One day Someone told me to get 5 singles from the grocery and handed me a credit card to shop for the house.
I go to the store and ask for the 5 singles after I paid.
The cashier gave me 5 5$ bills.

I went back and I was my friendly self and continued doing whatever I was supposed to do that day. Then Someone asked me if I got the 5 singles and I said “sure! I’ll get it for you.”

I gave her the money and then went on to finish the thing I was doing and she calls me over.

“*my name* Are you FROM here? I asked for 5 singles. Do you know WHAT that IS? Were you BORN here?”

By now I’m a nervous wreck.
“I guess I didn’t understand...you told me to get 5 singles and I got 5 5 dollar bills I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what you meant.”

“Five singles is 5 ONE DOLLAR BILLS. Did you go to school?”

Long story short I went back home with red puffy eyes. I was let go shortly after and my self esteem shattered.

I still feel horrible about it. Especially after how she spoke to me. I didn’t go to college but at least I had a high school diploma.

I literally thought that 5 singles meant 5 5 dollar bills.


-

Another time SomeoneElse told me to my face I’m not REALLY jewish because I didn’t go through the Rabanut. I told SomeoneElse that hashem cares about the way someone converts more than who does their conversion. If they’re a frum beis din they’re a frum beis din.

-

SomeoneElseInAnotherPlace gave me a bunch of unasked advice about how to be tznius when I was already tznius enough for myself and my husband.
(She told me I MUST get laser all around, I MUST get a bigger hair covering, I MUST wear a robe outside my bedroom in my home, ((what even.....)) I MUST not wash my hands before the men do, I MUST serve my husband because he’s my king and I’m his queen and a queen serves her husband, I MUST, I MUST, I MUST.)

At home my husband basically is the type who would literally tell me to go wash my hands or tell me to sit down, I worked too hard to prepare for shabbos and now I get to relax.
When we are out and theres a crowd I usually sit with the hostess until she gets up and we’re anyway talking when the men wash lol.
I do wear a robe at home over my pjs or nightgown

Not in contact with her anymore. Because I struggled for a good long while that I was not perfect enough for hashem, that every tznius thing I did isnt good enough or will never be...
Maybe she meant well, but the way she said it made me think “omg I am doing everything wrong everything!”


Boruch hashem I moved past that mentality and I do what my husband says it’s okay for me to do, and he constantly reminds me to not push myself to do what other people do if I’m not comfy.

Sadly though I can’t seem to find myself to forgive them. It’s years later and I know we’re not supposed to hold a grudge...
It’s hard.

Sorry needed to let it out so I’m venting.
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Stars




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 19 2020, 4:59 pm
You need thicker skin
That First lady shouldn’t have yelled at you
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sequoia




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 19 2020, 5:00 pm
So, they sound racist.
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Iymnok




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 19 2020, 5:01 pm
It probably depends on location. I’d say 5 one-dollar bills. It’s ego-centric to assume that everyone understands your slang. Singles is slang.
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yksraya




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 19 2020, 5:03 pm
Sounds like they just have bad middos.
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penguin




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 19 2020, 5:04 pm
A lady sittin next to me at a chuppah (years ago) asked me why I don't wear my wedding ring, you are supposed to! (Well, I lost it... I got another one but it wasn't comfortable). If my DH has no problem, who is this random stranger to go around giving me mussar?

Does it help you to tell yourself that most critical or nasty people are the ones with the problem, not you?
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Hashem_n_Farfel




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 19 2020, 5:04 pm
I’ve been told this. So far if I get a weird comment I don’t overthink as much as I used to but when it comes to something I’m working very hard on and someone makes a comment like that I take a deep breath and don’t answer or avoid it or change the subject. It helps Smile

Back then I didn’t know how to deal with it and everything used to get to me.

I get it from my mother.
She’s more sensitive than I am 🙈

Also NYC is RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDEEEEEEEEEEEE
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Success10




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 19 2020, 5:05 pm
I wish there was a hug button. You do need to put in a good amount of work into your self-esteem. When you carry yourself a certain way, no one thinks to talk to you like that. And if they do talk to you like that anyway, it slides right off, like a raindrop on an umbrella. You are among the most exalted of our great nation. Embrace that belief and embody it, until it becomes you.
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Hashem_n_Farfel




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 19 2020, 5:06 pm
penguin wrote:
A lady sittin next to me at a chuppah (years ago) asked me why I don't wear my wedding ring, you are supposed to! (Well, I lost it... I got another one but it wasn't comfortable). If my DH has no problem, who is this random stranger to go around giving me mussar?

Does it help you to tell yourself that most critical or nasty people are the ones with the problem, not you?


Oy:(

Lol yes!! If I catch myself doubting whatever I’m doing I think “wait. It’s THEIR problem they don’t like me not mine” and I slowly but surely move on.
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yksraya




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 19 2020, 5:07 pm
Hashem_n_Farfel wrote:
I’ve been told this. So far if I get a weird comment I don’t overthink as much as I used to but when it comes to something I’m working very hard on and someone makes a comment like that I take a deep breath and don’t answer or avoid it or change the subject. It helps Smile

Back then I didn’t know how to deal with it and everything used to get to me.

I get it from my mother.
She’s more sensitive than I am 🙈

Also NYC is RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDEEEEEEEEEEEE

It's tough that when you work on something and in stead of appreciation, you get a nasty comment.

Agree that some new Yorkers are rude. Many are nice, but some are rude. I think they are very spoiled.
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Hashem_n_Farfel




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 19 2020, 5:11 pm
yksraya wrote:
It's tough that when you work on something and in stead of appreciation, you get a nasty comment.

Agree that some new Yorkers are rude. Many are nice, but some are rude. I think they are very spoiled.


Yup I stay away from those types not worth the headache (or heartache!)

hehe yes once one of my first days here in nyc I was admiring a lady’s hairdo and she saw me staring and she said “what you lookin at *****?!!!!”

I learnt quickly never ever ever look at strangers on public transportation
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naomi2




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 19 2020, 5:43 pm
Those people are incredibly mean none of those comments are ok. At all. I would cry too. I have to say though that I am surprised that you didn't know that singles meant one dollar bills but hey, everyone has small gaps in their knowledge. I hear all the time about people who learn a basic detail as an adult. Anyway, there is never an excuse to be rude or demeaning to people. There are so many nice people out there if you meet one that disrespects you just say "Bye Felicia"!
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kenz




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 19 2020, 5:55 pm
Iymnok wrote:
It probably depends on location. I’d say 5 one-dollar bills. It’s ego-centric to assume that everyone understands your slang. Singles is slang.


I personally know that 5 singles is five $1 bills, and I’m pretty sure it’s universal, but I would never shame anyone for not knowing that- or for anything else, I hope. People make mistakes and the lady is the one with the problem, not OP.
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tigerwife




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 19 2020, 6:00 pm
sequoia wrote:
So, they sound racist.


Do you think so? I think they sound incredibly rude and obnoxious but racist?
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