Private Forum for the super wealthy?

causemommysaid

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 6:56 pm

amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:

Your wrong coming from someone who is super wealthy no matter how much money we have loosing a child to an illness is not easier because we have money. Said child being in the hospital for months at a time is not easier. Just cause we have all the money in the world doesn’t mean we can heal our sick child and the death of a child is no different no matter how much money you have.

I'm very sorry for your loss. Losing a child is the saddest thing ever no matter how wealthy you are.

amother

Wheat

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 7:04 pm

causemommysaid wrote:

I'm very sorry for your loss. Losing a child is the saddest thing ever no matter how wealthy you are.

Except what about my friend who lost her child because she couldn't afford the necessary treatment. She spent weeks scrounging and begging for the money, while watching her child get sicker and sicker and die.
She blames herself every single day. Because she failed her child.

Or the relative who wasn't with her husband while he died. She went to work because she needed to pay the bills. She thought she had extra time.
She was so depressed- bad enough my husband had to die, I couldn't say goodbye because I was busy feeding my kids.

Of course someone who suffered loss, suffers tremendously. But it's possible to suffer even more than that.

mirror

Mon, Oct 19 2020, 10:27 pm

Growing wrote:

How often do you redo your interior design and do you use the same designer again?

Every 3 years we knock down one of our 7 palatial mansions and rebuild it from scratch. Today we just bulldozed our 8-bedroom, 12-bathroom home in the Hamptons because it was such an eyesore. It's quite the challenge to find interior designers who understand that you can't use your remote on Shabbos to open and close the blinds, so we have few options at our disposal. Crying

amother

Chocolate

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 12:20 am

Sometimes I fantasize about the tzedakah I could give anonymously if I had a ton of money and of the discipline I would have to spend only a certain amount on my family's needs and then give so much of the excess away. But, I see how I am with more money at certain times in my life and I see I just spent more. I spent on nonessentials way more. More on decor and eating out. I'm not that disciplined to keep it simple and I have come to realize that I don't want the challenge of too much money for my own needs. I daven to have enough to not feel stressed and stretched and enough to give maaser and tzedakah but I never daven anymore to be super wealthy. I like reading these kinds of threads though to get an idea about what it may be like. I have richer relatives and I don't envy their lives. They must find the right shidduchim based on young men that are looking for richer inlaws and agree to support for a long time and buy apartments/houses (they have daughters only). They have a home in Israel as well as in NY and they aren't even allowed to come to Israel during the lockdown. The irony that money can't buy a ticket to Israel now unless they want to give up their regular life and make aliyah. I love EY so much, I would never be able to live with that. No amount of money is worth it to be kept away from EY.

amother

Amethyst

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 12:49 am

bananas4bananas wrote:

Ehhh... When I was young and idealistic I believed this, but truth is that having lots of money really smooths things out

Really? How much money compensates for losing a child? And how much will make it okay for your spouse to die and leave you with ten children to raise on your own?

Both things that have happened to super-wealthy relatives of mine.

Rappel

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 12:57 am

amother [ Amethyst ] wrote:

None, obviously. That's not a question. But neither was it in the mother/wife's control.

For things that are in our control - yes, resources make things easier, and money helps a lot.

Example: I have a cousin who is severely autistic. His parents have given him everything in life , and thanks to their efforts, he has a future as a promising drummer. That's not an accident. When your parents can pay for any therapy, when they can set up a full recording studio in their basement, when they can put you in a special needs program which specializes in performance, when they can buy you any device to help you with communication - it makes a difference. Jack is very lucky to have those resources available to him.

amother

Amethyst

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 1:43 am

Indeed he is. And my relative with ten orphans to raise alone has it easier with her multiple millions than the pauper on the other side of town. But the post I responded to said or implied that if you have plenty of money, you don't really have insurmountable problems. Having $100 million in the bank will never bring back a lost child or spouse. And the grief is the same, no matter how rich you are.

amother

Oak

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 2:49 am

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

Newsflash - there are people in Israel who live regular lives.

Isn't it just possible that these people live where they do because there actually IS an amount of money that makes it worth it for them to be kept away from Israel?

As to the other poster: bad things can happen to everyone, but money certainly greases the rails. Everything that's hard in life is made harder if you also have to worry about money.

amother

Seafoam

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 3:14 am

This is a fun thread and I am thinking what problems I might have. Such as

my house is too big, we keep missing each other in it and I haven't seen my husband for 3 days.
I love lentils and rice and think it is unenviromentally friendly to eat lots of meat but my husband insists on eating steak or lambchops every night.
I love my green sweater its so comfy but if I wear it too much my friends will laugh at me.

But seriously, as someone who suffers from depression, yes, its easier with money. Our financial situation eased a bit recently (and may possibly get much much better in the future) and being able to go to therapy guilt free is really liberating.

imasinger

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 4:06 am

I'm of two minds about this.

If we agree that having money makes life easier than not having it, then we can probably also agree that there shouldn't be a private forum for the super rich or the super poor.

The first because any silliness would not be likely to be posted, and everything else medium or serious would probably be posted in a different forum.

The second, if for no other reason than maybe there's a rich person on the board who might offer a hand.

This thread seems to be more like "Silliest things you can imagine the wealthy worrying about"

But the whole exercise feels a bit like sour grapes, and, while mildly amusing, it may either lead to envy or to disdain, and therefore might not be healthy for the neshama.

Envy because whenever you read about someone having something you need or want, it can be triggering. Ask those with IF how they feel about threads where people complain about their large families. Ask those with SN kids how it feels to read about those who want to avoid schools with kids like theirs. Ask those who are struggling with unemployment how it feels when someone posts in Working Women that they can't decide which exciting job offer to take. The list goes on...

Disdain because wealth doesn't guarantee wisdom, nor are even smart or wise people without blind spots.

I have heard first-hand a super rich person complain about the noise and mess of the workers installing the fountain in their front garden. They wanted a fountain because all their wealthy acquaintances had one.

My first reaction was to shake my head, thinking about what I would do with the sum of money they were burning on something relatively silly. Then, I realized I was guilty of both envy and looking down at them. Neither was healthy. That's my point here.

For those that find this thread positive, would you talk more about what good you see it doing for you inside? What am I missing?

amother

Beige

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 5:52 am

Please understand. If a person was blessed with wealth that does not automatically turn them into someone who is interested in frivolous nonsense. It does not mean they have 24/7 nannies and maids. They dont always have the latest custom wigs or live in mansions. Their kids don't have to be spoiled brats. Sometimes they are just regular people living regular lives. Maybe they dont have to worry about paying their grocery bill , but they're not necessarily traveling the world. There are middle class people who have more "wealthy" lifestyles and spend more on brand names.

Rena K

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 5:56 am

I know lots of people who are super wealthy and they have lots of issues they worry about.

(1) Many very wealthy people are very frugal in many areas, and many are worried about money too. Many live above their means and still find it hard to stay afloat financially, because their bills are higher. Plus they get upset when tax increases target them, etc.

(2) Many wealthy people have emotional and/or self-esteem issues, believe it or not. They can be lonely. Many have children off the derech. They wonder what they did wrong. One that I know well has a rather strained relationship with some children. They want children in the family business but the children want their own lives.

(3) Bottom line is really that Hashem decides what challenges we should all have. We are all wealthy. Having a functioning human body is great wealth!! Living in a beautifully decorated world, with majestic, tall trees, stunning blue sky (high ceilings!), etc. We are all wealthy, but we don't always appreciate what we have... Same can be said of the wealthy... so they have more than us, but then they don't appreciate it, just like we don't appreciate the great wealth we have in this world.

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 6:01 am

amother [ Amethyst ] wrote:

So sad.
Not compensates, but helps.
It’s for sure much much much harder to be a poor orphan than a financially comfortable one.

I agree with you Rena K poster above. After a fast I always appreciate food so much But day to day not half as much.

Rena K

Tue, Oct 20 2020, 6:22 am

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

As to the other poster: bad things can happen to everyone, but money certainly greases the rails. Everything that's hard in life is made harder if you also have to worry about money.

But Hashem evens it out in the end. We all get challenged up to the point where we can still handle the challenge and grow from it.