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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Toddlers
crust
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 Tue, Oct 20 2020, 1:28 pm
First I thought that thread about leaving for 15 minutes was a joke in bad taste.
Then I saw delete.
Trolls don't delete.
People that can't defend themselves do.
I'm sorry to that OP that she was taken to task.
Here goes my PSA to anyone that is getting engaged- recently got married or already has children;
Children need babysitters. A monitor is not safe. Leaving your child home alone is irresponsible.
I will repeat something that I have posted here already;
There was a child that was niftar after she fell out an open window many many years ago in Williamsburg.
There was a big gadol at that time that said that the parents will give din vcheshbon on this negligence because its parents responsibility to keep children safe.
More recently two children were burnt ל"ע after being left with a monitor.
Yes, things are bashert.
No, you don't have to watch your child like a hawk.
Yes, you have to be responsible.
No, a monitor does not count as being responsible.
Yes, you should take your child along to the shietel macher or to the mikvah or your husband should take along the child to shul.
Yes, your child is more important than minyan and mikvah.
No, its not funny to take a child along anywhere rather than leaving it home alone.
Yes, you need some maturity, education or both to have children.
Yes, its hard to hear this and digest it.
Yes, give yourself time to grieve your childhood and your childishness.
I think that if you feel you won't be able to handle finding safe babysitters or taking along your child will be too stressful for you then perhaps be on Birth Control until you find the patience to do so.
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dancingqueen
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 1:30 pm
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NotLazySusan
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 1:37 pm
| crust wrote: | First I thought that thread about leaving for 15 minutes was a joke in bad taste.
Then I saw delete.
Trolls don't delete.
People that can't defend themselves do.
I'm sorry to that OP that she was taken to task.
Here goes my PSA to anyone that is getting engaged- recently got married or already has children;
Children need babysitters. A monitor is not safe. Leaving your child home alone is irresponsible.
I will repeat something that I have posted here already;
There was a child that was niftar after she fell out an open window many many years ago in Williamsburg.
There was a big gadol at that time that said that the parents will give din vcheshbon on this negligence because its parents responsibility to keep children safe.
More recently two children were burnt ל"ע after being left with a monitor.
Yes, things are bashert.
No, you don't have to watch your child like a hawk.
Yes, you have to be responsible.
No, a monitor does not count as being responsible.
Yes, you should take your child along to the shietel macher or to the mikvah or your husband should take along the child to shul.
Yes, your child is more important than minyan and mikvah.
No, its not funny to take a child along anywhere rather than leaving it home alone.
Yes, you need some maturity, education or both to have children.
Yes, its hard to hear this and digest it.
Yes, give yourself time to grieve your childhood and your childishness.
I think that if you feel you won't be able to handle finding safe babysitters or taking along your child will be too stressful for you then perhaps be on Birth Control until you find the patience to do so. |
Yes, thank you!!
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essie14
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 3:18 pm
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Yes, yes, yes. Thank you!
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ddmom
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 3:20 pm
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I hope your PSA helps someone!
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Chayalle
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 3:21 pm
Agreed.
And I remember R' Avigdor Miller saying that.
He said if you leave a cup of hot water at the edge of a table and a child knocks it over and gets hurt, it's your fault. And if a child wasn't watched and fell out the window, or if you placed furniture near the window so the child could climb up there, or if you didn't put safety bars where you should have, then you are at fault.
MONITORS ARE NOT BABYSITTERS.
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amother
Slategray
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 3:22 pm
Well said
As an OOT Mikvah lady
I’ve had a few times that women bring babies to the Mikvah
It’s not ideal but ....
I once had someone bring her 5 yr old son.
Again not ideal but safety comes first
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amother
Periwinkle
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 3:46 pm
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How about todays monitors that have a digital screen? Are they not safe either?
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Elfrida
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 3:47 pm
| amother [ Slategray ] wrote: | Well said
As an OOT Mikvah lady
I’ve had a few times that women bring babies to the Mikvah
It’s not ideal but ....
I once had someone bring her 5 yr old son.
Again not ideal but safety comes first |
I agree with the principle, but I'm curious about the practicalities of this. I'm assuming that she did most of the preparation at home, and came to the mikva just to dip (corona style), but what happened while she was actually in the mikva and dressing afterwards? Did the child sit in the corner with a book or toy? Or did one of the other women watch him while they were waiting? It's not an easy situation to keep a child distracted.
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watergirl
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 3:48 pm
| amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote: | | How about todays monitors that have a digital screen? Are they not safe either? |
Why would it be safe? What can you do if your kid needs you and you are not there?
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ExtraCredit
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 3:50 pm
So yes I’m guilty of bringing a 5 yr old to the Mikva when not in my hometown (I’ll skip the location) and bringing her in to use the bathroom in my room (she waited in car with DH the rest of the time). Oh, the astonished stares we got! 
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crust
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 3:51 pm
| amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote: | | How about todays monitors that have a digital screen? Are they not safe either? |
So if there's a fire chas vesholom and you have to make split second decisions and take action at the same time, who is going to do that?
And how does that screen help?
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mha3484
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 3:51 pm
| Elfrida wrote: | | I agree with the principle, but I'm curious about the practicalities of this. I'm assuming that she did most of the preparation at home, and came to the mikva just to dip (corona style), but what happened while she was actually in the mikva and dressing afterwards? Did the child sit in the corner with a book or toy? Or did one of the other women watch him while they were waiting? It's not an easy situation to keep a child distracted. |
I have a 5 year old boy. If I let him watch a video on my phone for 15 minutes he would be totally fine to sit quietly thats what makes youtube so addictive. Its a blessing at times and a curse at others.
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amother
Slategray
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 3:54 pm
| Elfrida wrote: | | I agree with the principle, but I'm curious about the practicalities of this. I'm assuming that she did most of the preparation at home, and came to the mikva just to dip (corona style), but what happened while she was actually in the mikva and dressing afterwards? Did the child sit in the corner with a book or toy? Or did one of the other women watch him while they were waiting? It's not an easy situation to keep a child distracted. |
It’s an OOT Mikvah
Baby stayed in the stroller
The boy just sat in the waiting room
No other ppl were there
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amother
Gray
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 3:56 pm
Send this to Mishpacha or something, let's see if they'll publish it.
But I agree, the negligence on that thread was astonishing. Like people who left hot irons unsupervised, hot water with cords that can be reached. I'm really not judging them at all, I know mistakes can happen.
(I keep my hot water in a very high place, but what if God forbid 4 year old pulls a chair and climbs up or something. I think I'd hear her but I know things do happen.)
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NotLazySusan
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 4:00 pm
| Chayalle wrote: | Agreed.
And I remember R' Avigdor Miller saying that.
He said if you leave a cup of hot water at the edge of a table and a child knocks it over and gets hurt, it's your fault. And if a child wasn't watched and fell out the window, or if you placed furniture near the window so the child could climb up there, or if you didn't put safety bars where you should have, then you are at fault.
MONITORS ARE NOT BABYSITTERS. |
He also encouraged corporal punishment
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crust
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 4:13 pm
| amother [ Gray ] wrote: | Send this to Mishpacha or something, let's see if they'll publish it.
But I agree, the negligence on that thread was astonishing. Like people who left hot irons unsupervised, hot water with cords that can be reached. I'm really not judging them at all, I know mistakes can happen.
(I keep my hot water in a very high place, but what if God forbid 4 year old pulls a chair and climbs up or something. I think I'd hear her but I know things do happen.) |
Their editors on this site can take it. I won't bill them. 
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Chayalle
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 4:19 pm
| NotLazySusan wrote: | | He also encouraged corporal punishment |
And so?
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FranticFrummie
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 4:26 pm
| amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote: | | How about todays monitors that have a digital screen? Are they not safe either? |
Can your arms reach through the monitor to catch your baby? Can your legs reach through to chase your toddler who is running out of the house?
Will your neighbor keep her eyes on the monitor the entire time you're gone, or will she be chasing after her own kids, cooking dinner, and scrolling through her phone?
The fact that you would even ASK this question, is proof enough of why Crust posted what she did.
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flowerpower
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Tue, Oct 20 2020, 4:33 pm
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I was shocked the first time( still am) When I heard that people leave kids home alone with a “monitor”.
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