Home

S/o school memories as an adult
1, 2, 3  Next  Last >>
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Interesting Discussions


View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 9:36 am
This is inspired by the spin off of the camp thread.

I am a teacher and also involved in other aspects of school administration. I have a pretty good sense of humor and have played along with cute shtick (like the sheitels with invisible strings...) and been a good sport about regular mishaps that happen in a classroom.

I also understand that kids will be kids and that they sometimes see their teachers as less than human.

But I can't help but wonder if as an adult looking back, those that caused distress to a teacher see it differently. I'm always surprised when adults talk about teachers and principals with the same tone and attitude as students do.
Back to top

Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 9:47 am
Lemme turn that around for a second dear teacher, since you brought it up. Do you ever look back at any of the encounters you had with students and regret hurting them?
You see, you chose this job. You can quit at any time. You also have the benefit of being the adult in the room, the one with the most developed brain, and the most freedom. You’re also not sitting there the entire day. In hs you’re teaching a 45 min period and in elementary a half day. When your students “cause you distress” you have the options of hurting them back, and the principal will back you up.
Children have none of this. The did not choose to go to school. Their brains are not fully developed yet, and their emotions are unregulated. They sit in that desk for most of their waking hours. When you send them out of class or to the principal there is no one there to be on their side. If they cause you distress is because they are in even more distress themselves.
So what was that question again?
Back to top

amother




Wheat
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 9:47 am
I feel terrible for them. I don’t know how they get up every day and face the class if the class is intent on thinking up new things every day...I’ve had some teachers that could not control our class. It must’ve been so hard for them to come to work every day.
Back to top

Chaya123




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 9:57 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
This is inspired by the spin off of the camp thread.

I am a teacher and also involved in other aspects of school administration. I have a pretty good sense of humor and have played along with cute shtick (like the sheitels with invisible strings...) and been a good sport about regular mishaps that happen in a classroom.

I also understand that kids will be kids and that they sometimes see their teachers as less than human.

But I can't help but wonder if as an adult looking back, those that caused distress to a teacher see it differently. I'm always surprised when adults talk about teachers and principals with the same tone and attitude as students do.


I'm not a teacher but was quite surprised at that thread. Like as an adult, I would cringe at those pranks, similar to when my kids come home from school and relate any out of line or chutzpahdik misbehavior, I make sure they understand this isn't ok.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:00 am
Zehava wrote:
Lemme turn that around for a second dear teacher, since you brought it up. Do you ever look back at any of the encounters you had with students and regret hurting them?
You see, you chose this job. You can quit at any time. You also have the benefit of being the adult in the room, the one with the most developed brain, and the most freedom. You’re also not sitting there the entire day. In hs you’re teaching a 45 min period and in elementary a half day. When your students “cause you distress” you have the options of hurting them back, and the principal will back you up.
Children have none of this. The did not choose to go to school. Their brains are not fully developed yet, and their emotions are unregulated. They sit in that desk for most of their waking hours. When you send them out of class or to the principal there is no one there to be on their side. If they cause you distress is because they are in even more distress themselves.
So what was that question again?


All the time. In fact, every night I go through my day and my interactions with my students. If there is something that needs to be repaired, I try to repair it and learn to do betterthe next time. And if there is something that needs to be taken care of, I try to take care of it.

I have been teaching for many years kah, and there are 2 students I can think of that I honestly regret my interactions with. I did try to apologize and correct things, but it didn't go the way I had hoped. In those incidents I daven that whatever issues are involved in the sticky situation (my and their issues) get resolved through Hashem because I have tried mine. I also keep them in mind so that I do differently in the next similar situation. It is a humbling experience to mess up and I think also an important one for a teacher so that they can remember that they are human.

I understand the difference in position of a teacher and student (the fact that I chose this job), and I understand why children think the way they do as children, I am just wondering if it changes as an adult.

ETA: I'm sure there are more than 2 that I inadvertently hurt or did not deal with correctly. I am not trying to say that I was perfect otherwise. There are 2 that I was fully aware of and tried to correct but was unsuccessful.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:09 am
Zehava wrote:
Lemme turn that around for a second dear teacher, since you brought it up. Do you ever look back at any of the encounters you had with students and regret hurting them?
You see, you chose this job. You can quit at any time. You also have the benefit of being the adult in the room, the one with the most developed brain, and the most freedom. You’re also not sitting there the entire day. In hs you’re teaching a 45 min period and in elementary a half day. When your students “cause you distress” you have the options of hurting them back, and the principal will back you up.
Children have none of this. The did not choose to go to school. Their brains are not fully developed yet, and their emotions are unregulated. They sit in that desk for most of their waking hours. When you send them out of class or to the principal there is no one there to be on their side. If they cause you distress is because they are in even more distress themselves.

So what was that question again?


My question did not address the fact that they did what they did as children. I fully understand it. If a teacher takes things personally they ought to find another job!

I have no ill will towards any of my students. Even those that have done or said things to me that could be interpreted as hurtful or disrespectful were clearly a result of those students distress or inability to deal with the school atmosphere and pressures.

My question was if as an adult they see things differently. Like I wrote, there is a certain tone that some adults use to talk about a teacher or principal that surprises me. I always assume that they must have been terribly hurt by someone in authority and I feel terrible about that.

When I have questioned further, I find that it is not always the case (although many times it is). When it isn't, I wonder at the lack of understanding.
Back to top

amother




Pink
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:10 am
Ty op!
I really wonder. I am also a teacher for many years and find myself scratching my head many times at such threads! Yes I have had many a cute/fun shtick played on me in school. I actually love a smart sHtick especially when it is appropriate, like Purim time. I get a real kick out of it and appreciate the chochma that goes into the smart shtick But I absolutely detest the silly stuff that gets played- just like putting a mouse on the teachers desk or whatever. Honestly I haven’t had that much of it in my own class because I have a great relationship with my students and great control BH. But when students just act silly it comes from a place of immaturity and insecurity. To see if that behavior repeated in those that are supposed to be adults who still get a kick out of it is definitely mine boggling. And in the instances where there was an embarrassment for a teacher, as an adult I’m sure many of us have had our share of different sorts of embarrassment and to imagine what a teacher must feel like in front of her students and for the student as an adult not to feel any remorse about it or shame for the teacher is Mind boggling .. And in the instances where there was an embarrassment for a teacher, as an adult I’m sure many of us have had our share of different sorts of embarrassment and to imagine what a teacher must feel like in front of her students and for the student as an adult not to feel any remorse about it or shame for the teacher is definitely a lack of midos and maturity. I’m sure many of these posters have their own school-age children and I wonder if this attitude gets passed on to them. It’s these parents that walk into PTA by me wearing crocs or chewing gum or texting on their cell phones while I speak to them. It is no wonder that this is the generation they are now raising is acting like that

Zahava, your post seems to talk about more of the pain that children face in the classroom. I’m sorry you seem to have gone through many difficult time . Of course it is a mature teacher‘s responsibility to help children in that sense. We’re talking about when the children were insensitive and played rude and mean tricks on the teacher. Different story
Back to top

amother




Burgundy
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:12 am
Zehava wrote:
Lemme turn that around for a second dear teacher, since you brought it up. Do you ever look back at any of the encounters you had with students and regret hurting them?
You see, you chose this job. You can quit at any time. You also have the benefit of being the adult in the room, the one with the most developed brain, and the most freedom. You’re also not sitting there the entire day. In hs you’re teaching a 45 min period and in elementary a half day. When your students “cause you distress” you have the options of hurting them back, and the principal will back you up.
Children have none of this. The did not choose to go to school. Their brains are not fully developed yet, and their emotions are unregulated. They sit in that desk for most of their waking hours. When you send them out of class or to the principal there is no one there to be on their side. If they cause you distress is because they are in even more distress themselves.
So what was that question again?

THIS! My high school classmates are forever busy before Yom Kippur to beg forgiveness from former teachers. I don't say anything but always think that the teachers have a lot more to apologize for. The way they treat a child has an effect on them for their entire lives, and they are the ones that were adults. I carry a lot of resentment for some teachers. Not the ones that embarrassed me by mistake, but those that would always pick on the underdogs, humiliate them and favorite the ones that came from rich or yichusdige homes. I've had some great teachers, and I had teachers that are rotten human beings. I see it even clearer as an adult.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:14 am
Exactly amother pink. Like I wonder about people who have had children themselves still finding it funny that a teacher went into labor during class, or that her water broken or she was nice and played a ball game with her students and her sheitel flew off....

I don't even remember if that is what was written here, but I've sat in circles of adults laughing their heads off at such stories. It's as if it never clicked that we are human beings. Like some part of their brain stays in elementary school.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:16 am
Also, can we please NOT turn this into a thread where everyone shares their teacher horror stories. Please start another thread for that.

I am genuinely curious to learn about adult mindset towards teachers and principals.
Back to top

thunderstorm




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:20 am
I have great regret for the trouble I caused my fifth grade teacher . It’s the only year that I made trouble. My parents were going through a divorce (and I didn’t even know it) my mother was very preoccupied and always crying and I guess out of fear and in desperate need of attention I turned into a monster and possibly destroyed that teacher’s first year of teaching. She hurt me on the first day of school. She accused me of talking because I turned my head. She made me close my book and shamed me in front of the entire class. She never gave me a chance. I reacted. Badly.
I regret my behavior. But what hurts even more is that years later I would meet her and say hello with a big smile and she’d turn her head and ignore me as if she did not know me. I think a teacher has to know that they are the adult in a classroom. Some students are in pain and act out because of that. To ignore a student who grew up and matured makes me think the teacher thinks she is on the same level as the student .
Back to top

Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:27 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My question did not address the fact that they did what they did as children. I fully understand it. If a teacher takes things personally they ought to find another job!

I have no ill will towards any of my students. Even those that have done or said things to me that could be interpreted as hurtful or disrespectful were clearly a result of those students distress or inability to deal with the school atmosphere and pressures.

My question was if as an adult they see things differently. Like I wrote, there is a certain tone that some adults use to talk about a teacher or principal that surprises me. I always assume that they must have been terribly hurt by someone in authority and I feel terrible about that.

When I have questioned further, I find that it is not always the case (although many times it is). When it isn't, I wonder at the lack of understanding.

I can only speak for myself. It’s great that you have this awareness. I find that most teachers don’t.
As a student I had a knack for knowing which teachers were the “good ones” and I wouldn’t deliberately hurt them.
But those who were out to assert their power never changed. And so yes I still think about incidents this way.
Matter of fact as an adult I am even more outraged at how I was treated.
Back to top

Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:30 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Also, can we please NOT turn this into a thread where everyone shares their teacher horror stories. Please start another thread for that.

I am genuinely curious to learn about adult mindset towards teachers and principals.

See but those are intertwined. Our horror stories are what shapes our mindset.
Back to top

Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:33 am
I think alot depends on the teacher's relationship with the class. If the teacher hurt the student individually, or the class as a whole, then even as adults the students may feel little sympathy for the teacher.

Over the years, my 3 DD's have had some truly exceptional teachers here and there. I can tell you that those teachers, no one will laugh at. My DD's class, in 6th grade, would stop by their 5th grade teacher's classroom each Friday to wish her a Good Shabbos, and she would smile and wave to them thru the glass. They really, genuinely love her. I was telling a friend of mine about this unique young woman, and she said OMG. She has a neighbor who is in a very tough and challenging home situation. The child is now in this teacher's class. The child runs onto the school bus every morning. This is a kid who announced that she is not going to school this year. That was before she met the teacher.

My DD had to call her once for a project, but before getting down to business, she shmoozed with DD. Where are you in your family. What do you like. Who are your friends, or not. She formed relationships with the kids, let them know she was championing them.

None of these girls are going to say funny or unkind stories about this teacher.

I had a teacher who once came into class with a hairpin sticking up from her sheitel. I didn't post about it, but I thought of it. I could totally see someone from my class telling of the giggling and smirking that went on. She probably meant well, but this teacher was really not in touch with her class. She really did not get us. Age gap and all that. But yeah, I'm not laughing. She probably noticed during recess, because after recess the pin was removed.

I had another teacher whom I totally dislike, for reasons I won't post here. And I have the good fortune (not) of seeing her from time to time, as she has since moved to town, a bit close for comfort. I would totally cross the street if I saw her (I have done so). I can't recall anything particularly funny about her, but I can recall some hurtful encounters. I always felt like less of a person in her presence, so I have no wish to put myself back there.
Back to top

amother




Coffee
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:39 am
Zehava wrote:
Lemme turn that around for a second dear teacher, since you brought it up. Do you ever look back at any of the encounters you had with students and regret hurting them?
You see, you chose this job. You can quit at any time. You also have the benefit of being the adult in the room, the one with the most developed brain, and the most freedom. You’re also not sitting there the entire day. In hs you’re teaching a 45 min period and in elementary a half day. When your students “cause you distress” you have the options of hurting them back, and the principal will back you up.
Children have none of this. The did not choose to go to school. Their brains are not fully developed yet, and their emotions are unregulated. They sit in that desk for most of their waking hours. When you send them out of class or to the principal there is no one there to be on their side. If they cause you distress is because they are in even more distress themselves.
So what was that question again?


The students are 20, 25, 35 to one... It's easy to gang up on a teacher...

Yes, it can happen to teachers that they inadvertendly hurt students...

I suppose they can avoid it only if they are exceptionally good at multi-tasking (keeping in mind what each of 20, 25, 35 students is feeling at each second of their lesson) and empathy...
Back to top

yo'ma




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:41 am
Zehava wrote:
Lemme turn that around for a second dear teacher, since you brought it up. Do you ever look back at any of the encounters you had with students and regret hurting them?
You see, you chose this job. You can quit at any time. You also have the benefit of being the adult in the room, the one with the most developed brain, and the most freedom. You’re also not sitting there the entire day. In hs you’re teaching a 45 min period and in elementary a half day. When your students “cause you distress” you have the options of hurting them back, and the principal will back you up.
Children have none of this. The did not choose to go to school. Their brains are not fully developed yet, and their emotions are unregulated. They sit in that desk for most of their waking hours. When you send them out of class or to the principal there is no one there to be on their side. If they cause you distress is because they are in even more distress themselves.
So what was that question again?

I really don’t understand what this has to do with what op asked. A teacher might have chosen the job and can maybe quit and a child did not, but she’s asking as an adult now, do you regret the way you might have behaved. I’m reading what you’re saying is that it’s the teachers fault and she shouldn’t complain. Does that mean we shouldn’t have regretted our own actions? Not sure if I explained myself correctly.
Back to top

ChanieMommy




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:42 am
I was always open with my teachers... I challenged them openly in class, but I did not misbehave, nor play pranks, nor gang up against them with other students...

So I don't really think that I have to regret things I did to my teachers...
Back to top

Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:45 am
yo'ma wrote:
I really don’t understand what this has to do with what op asked. A teacher might have chosen the job and can maybe quit and a child did not, but she’s asking as an adult now, do you regret the way you might have behaved. I’m reading what you’re saying is that it’s the teachers fault and she shouldn’t complain. Does that mean we shouldn’t have regretted our own actions? Not sure if I explained myself correctly.

She is asking why she sees grown women still viewing their teachers as they did in school. And that is because their teachers hurt them and treated them as less than human. Thinking about or seeing that teacher triggers that back into that space of being a small helpless child. And so no, they do not have the space to feel bad for the teacher.
Back to top

yo'ma




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:50 am
Zehava wrote:
She is asking why she sees grown women still viewing their teachers as they did in school. And that is because their teachers hurt them and treated them as less than human. Thinking about or seeing that teacher triggers that back into that space of being a small helpless child. And so no, they do not have the space to feel bad for the teacher.

Forget about feeling bad for the teacher for a bit. How about feeling bad for themselves? I don’t mean the way you’re saying, which maybe that too, but more so that people have to take responsibility for themselves especially as an adult. I’m not talking about anything traumatic, but if I did something wrong as a child even though I was only a child, I feel bad about it. Someone punches someone and the second person punches them back, does their hand not still hurt? Does that metaphor work?
Back to top

yksraya




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:53 am
I do respect my dd's teachers, especially those who do a great job. Sometimes there are teachers that shouldn't be teaching, but that I won't go into.

However, when recalling memmories, I do sometimes say it the way it was for us then. It doesn't mean I don't pity the teacher for what she went through, especially if the teacher was a good person trying her best. It's just that walking down memmory lane with nostalgia, brings out the joyful kid in me.
Back to top
1, 2, 3  Next  Last >> Recent Topics

Page 1 of 3 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Interesting Discussions

Related Topics Replies Last Post
What do your kids do from after school until bedtime?
by amother
27 Today at 4:08 pm View last post
Boys school tuition
by amother
18 Today at 11:56 am View last post
S/O camp memories
by lilies
317 Tue, Nov 24 2020, 2:25 pm View last post
Winter wardrobe girls school age
by amother
0 Tue, Nov 24 2020, 10:32 am View last post
New Lakewood cheder school?
by amother
14 Sun, Nov 22 2020, 6:04 pm View last post