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S/o school memories as an adult
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 3:05 pm
amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:
Please. The women who are stuck in the past were not those who had a hard time in school, or at home. Those that did, grew up, and grew beyond.
These are also the women who feel the need to live vicariously thru their teen daughters now. It is like this was the highlight of their life and everything was downhill from there. It is a certain immaturity. Just because it rubs you the wrong way doesn't make it untrue. (When these women become teachers, they turn into those teachers who run after the cool girls. It's pathetic, really.)

Yeah okay I know the type. Some of the queens of my hs class are having it really hard now that the world doesn’t bow to them. It’s kind of sad to see it but also kind of gratifying.
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amother




Gray
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 3:06 pm
amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:
Please. The women who are stuck in the past were not those who had a hard time in school, or at home. Those that did, grew up, and grew beyond.
These are also the women who feel the need to live vicariously thru their teen daughters now. It is like this was the highlight of their life and everything was downhill from there. It is a certain immaturity. Just because it rubs you the wrong way doesn't make it untrue. (When these women become teachers, they turn into those teachers who run after the cool girls. It's pathetic, really.)


Reinforcing my point. I'm getting the impression that you're the one who never got past that dynamic in high school. If you really didn't care, it wouldn't bother you enough to comment so snarkily.
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princessleah




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 5:16 pm
We were really bad to our 9th grade English teacher. She was a hippie-dippie artist type, who probably should not have been teaching HS. It was throwing her into the lion's den. 9th graders are hard. Our hormones were out of control. And she just wanted to read and write poetry, and have us appreciate literature, and not have to give us grades.
She was, in retrospect a real gift, that we absolutely did not appreciate. Would have been much better suited for seniors. We played so many horrible pranks on her. I do look back very horrified at our behavior. And back then I justified it all by talking about how "weird" she was etc. I'm very embarrassed by it now.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 5:19 pm
thunderstorm wrote:
I don’t find those things funny , when I think as an adult. But when you have the memory , you are going back down memory lane as a child, so some people may find it funny still, because their child self found it funny back then and still do. They are viewing it with a child’s lens when reminiscing. That’s my opinion.


Vey interesting perspective!
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thunderstorm




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 5:21 pm
princessleah wrote:
We were really bad to our 9th grade English teacher. She was a hippie-dippie artist type, who probably should not have been teaching HS. It was throwing her into the lion's den. 9th graders are hard. Our hormones were out of control. And she just wanted to read and write poetry, and have us appreciate literature, and not have to give us grades.
She was, in retrospect a real gift, that we absolutely did not appreciate. Would have been much better suited for seniors. We played so many horrible pranks on her. I do look back very horrified at our behavior. And back then I justified it all by talking about how "weird" she was etc. I'm very embarrassed by it now.
hmmm. We had a similar 9th grade high school writing teacher. She was never given a chance and deep down I liked her as a writing teacher but nobody let her even talk. They would just giggle and whisper to each other and make fun of the way she dressed to the way she spoke. So sad. She was a sweet lady. I do feel bad that I giggled behind her back and I used to imitate her a lot when I’d get home.
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lilies




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 6:02 pm
Zehava wrote:
Yeah okay I know the type. Some of the queens of my hs class are having it really hard now that the world doesn’t bow to them. It’s kind of sad to see it but also kind of gratifying.


Were the queens of you high school class really mean and nasty, that you find it gratifying? Or did you assume their life was beautiful from your perspective at that point?

Chances are; if they were mean and nasty there was a sad reason for it. If they weren't and their life just looked like everything's fine, you may not know what it is that went on in their life either.
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amother




Pink
 

Post  Wed, Oct 21 2020, 6:52 pm
Going back to the original question, many times I am amazed how as students we are so absorbed selfishly in ourselves and never realize that behind that teacher lies a real person with real struggles that never get her “excused”
Or give her a day off.

I am teaching for close to twenty years. I have a great relationship with my students. I know that when I walk into a classroom there a a raging tempest of hormones that propel each student to act as she does. I know too well how many a student is trying to put in a good face when she struggles with so much- dysfunction at home, siblings at risk, eating disorders, bad relationship etc
I know that I don’t know how much any specific girl can be going through ( side note- I was that star of the grade who looked like she had it all who suffered terrible abuse at home) And I respect each of my students and although I demand from them I also care and try to be extra patient and understanding of each of them

THAT BEING SAID-
I have had days when I came to school after pregnancy losses and fertility disappointments, parenting woes, dealing with personal anxiety, stress over familial issues, colicky baby, etc and regardless of what I’m going through, I need to don that teacher mask and do whatever I can do best. I don’t expect anything of my students, I just marvel at the irony of how much I’ve personally and I’m sure many of my colleagues and teachers need to go out of their way to be understanding of girls and I wonder if students ever think of teachers as being human. The students ever realize the teachers go through personal things as well because let’s face it every person does. As I write this I going through a very difficult beginning of the pregnancy and based on my history I have no idea if it’s going to be viable or not and I walk in feeling Sick to my gills and terrible anxious and I know I’m gonna put my best foot forward and push it aside and try to be the best teacher I can be. But I just wonder if looking back any of you realize that your teachers are also human with lives at home dealing with so many things. We cut so much slack for students but we ever cut slack for teachers?

I know we chose this job and I know I love what I do and will get my reward in much more ways than monetarily. It’s just a thought that I have so many times and I wonder if anyone thinks the same at any point?

Just a thought....
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Oct 22 2020, 7:23 am
lilies wrote:
Were the queens of you high school class really mean and nasty, that you find it gratifying? Or did you assume their life was beautiful from your perspective at that point?

Chances are; if they were mean and nasty there was a sad reason for it. If they weren't and their life just looked like everything's fine, you may not know what it is that went on in their life either.

More cliquish, exclusionary, exploitative, and snarky than outright mean and nasty.
Was there a sad reason for it? I’ll never know. Maybe the power just got to them. Yknow the way it gets to adults. I have no idea.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Oct 22 2020, 7:30 am
amother [ Pink ] wrote:
Going back to the original question, many times I am amazed how as students we are so absorbed selfishly in ourselves and never realize that behind that teacher lies a real person with real struggles that never get her “excused”
Or give her a day off.

I am teaching for close to twenty years. I have a great relationship with my students. I know that when I walk into a classroom there a a raging tempest of hormones that propel each student to act as she does. I know too well how many a student is trying to put in a good face when she struggles with so much- dysfunction at home, siblings at risk, eating disorders, bad relationship etc
I know that I don’t know how much any specific girl can be going through ( side note- I was that star of the grade who looked like she had it all who suffered terrible abuse at home) And I respect each of my students and although I demand from them I also care and try to be extra patient and understanding of each of them

THAT BEING SAID-
I have had days when I came to school after pregnancy losses and fertility disappointments, parenting woes, dealing with personal anxiety, stress over familial issues, colicky baby, etc and regardless of what I’m going through, I need to don that teacher mask and do whatever I can do best. I don’t expect anything of my students, I just marvel at the irony of how much I’ve personally and I’m sure many of my colleagues and teachers need to go out of their way to be understanding of girls and I wonder if students ever think of teachers as being human. The students ever realize the teachers go through personal things as well because let’s face it every person does. As I write this I going through a very difficult beginning of the pregnancy and based on my history I have no idea if it’s going to be viable or not and I walk in feeling Sick to my gills and terrible anxious and I know I’m gonna put my best foot forward and push it aside and try to be the best teacher I can be. But I just wonder if looking back any of you realize that your teachers are also human with lives at home dealing with so many things. We cut so much slack for students but we ever cut slack for teachers?

I know we chose this job and I know I love what I do and will get my reward in much more ways than monetarily. It’s just a thought that I have so many times and I wonder if anyone thinks the same at any point?

Just a thought....

Yeah it’s kind of the thing about being an adult. About being in a position of power. Of CHOOSING this position. Yes it’s great you think about what your students may be going through. No they will never think about what you may be going through. They’re kids. You’re the authority figure. No chances are most people don’t think this at any point. When they’re kids they mostly don’t. When they’re adults they move on.
It’s kind of like parenting. We have to be there 100% for our kids and cannot and should not expect them to be there for us. Only in teaching we can walk out when it’s too much for us.
Good luck in your pregnancy I hope it all turns out okay!
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amother




Coffee
 

Post  Thu, Oct 22 2020, 7:44 am
I don't think it is ok when teachers meddle in their students' private lives and pry about what they are doing outside of school... Of coruse, they should try and be helpful when students have a difficult time for some reason... But as a matter of principle, school should be school, and outside of school should be outside of school. A school should not punish or sanction students for things they do outside of school.

However, there are a few schools out there that believe it IS their business what students or even their parents do in their private life, and this puts the teachers in a difficult position.

When I talk to highschool or middle school students, the teachers they most dislike are the ones who try to meddle in their life outside school...

This said, I am also shocked at how badly girls treat substitute teachers or teachers who are qualified, but different from them. There seems to be a clear system in place about who does not deserve respect from the outset (chol teachers? teachers who are "not one of us"?) and the way whole classes behave in some situations clearly goes against the middos those schools purport to teach...
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amother




Coffee
 

Post  Thu, Oct 22 2020, 7:47 am
Zehava wrote:
Yeah it’s kind of the thing about being an adult. About being in a position of power. Of CHOOSING this position. Yes it’s great you think about what your students may be going through. No they will never think about what you may be going through. They’re kids. You’re the authority figure. No chances are most people don’t think this at any point. When they’re kids they mostly don’t. When they’re adults they move on.
It’s kind of like parenting. We have to be there 100% for our kids and cannot and should not expect them to be there for us. Only in teaching we can walk out when it’s too much for us.
Good luck in your pregnancy I hope it all turns out okay!


What you write sounds so cruel!

Wheren't you the one complaining about lack of empathy on the teacher's part?
And now you defend cruelty on the student's end?
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amother




Lime
 

Post  Thu, Oct 22 2020, 7:56 am
Amother pink, what you describe very much reminds me of my experience as a mother. No matter what is going on, we go on. Amd the average kid in our families is not going to think about mom's bad back when she refuses to sit and do her homework or go to bed. In fact, kids who grow up overly worried about their parents' needs can have issues later on- see the average children of Holocaust survivors who spent their lives making sure never to upset their parents because of their pain.

Looking back, sure. But I don't think there should be too much guilt.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Oct 22 2020, 8:00 am
amother [ Coffee ] wrote:
What you write sounds so cruel!

Wheren't you the one complaining about lack of empathy on the teacher's part?
And now you defend cruelty on the student's end?

I keep saying this on parenting threads. I’ll keep saying this on this one. Parents and children aren’t equal. Teachers and students aren’t equal. It’s not 50/50. It’s not meeting halfway.
If you are the adult in the room, if you are the authority figure, if you made a choice to be here, you have 100% of the responsibility. Don’t expect empathy from your children or students. Don’t expect them to think about what you may be going through. If you think this is unfair or too hard then step. Out. They can’t do that. You can.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Oct 22 2020, 8:36 am
I agree with both of the last two points. It is not the job of students or children to worry about the adults in charge of them. It would be nice if they could learn to think of others and for sure be respectful, but it is not their job to worry about what else might be going on in their lives.

That is why my question was very nuanced and specific. It was about the lack of sympathy in adults as they look back and how they still perceive teachers and principals as the "other team".
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amother




Pink
 

Post  Thu, Oct 22 2020, 8:51 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I agree with both of the last two points. It is not the job of students or children to worry about the adults in charge of them. It would be nice if they could learn to think of others and for sure be respectful, but it is not their job to worry about what else might be going on in their lives.

That is why my question was very nuanced and specific. It was about the lack of sympathy in adults as they look back and how they still perceive teachers and principals as the "other team".


Totally agree my post was never about the students worrying about the adults, only about if adults now ever add that dimension to their childhood memories...
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