Tips -A child that doesn't listen

amother

Thu, Oct 22 2020, 8:08 am

Ds 8 just doesn't listen. I could tell him, warn him.... nothing works. I could punish him for something he did wrong but few hours later he could do it again as if nothing happened before....

Tips please???

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Oct 22 2020, 8:58 am

It sounds like he has difficulties with impulse control. Does he? If so, that part of his brain might be on a toddler level of development even if he's smart and mature in other areas.

behappy2

Thu, Oct 22 2020, 9:07 am

It's not about tips, it's about getting to the root of the issue. Can you give background?
Have you always had rules?
Did you enforce them?
Does he have ADHD or other issues?
Is this a new or old issue?
Do you have a good relationship with him?

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Oct 22 2020, 10:19 am

My friend has a son like this... he just doesn't want to pleas people, he doesn't care...

He is probably borderline Asperger's, but she did not really want him diagnosed.

What she did was: be very consistent, strict, predictable. Show him that she is more obstinate than him, that he won't win battles agains ther.

On the other hand: understand that he learns by doing himself, not by preaching, give him choices, provide opportunities to shine, praise a lot, leave him decisions and responsablities for them, when possible (one example was about gloves in winter: he wouldn't wear them, so she just left him the choice, his hands - he will freeze -and a year later,he decided to wear them...)

School was very difficult, because he coud almost not be coaxed into doing things he did not want. He was strong in maths and everything that required logical reasoning, but weak at writing and languages. The turning point was when he could start learning a trade, concentrate on what he liked, stop doing what he did not like - he is every good at his job, gets a lot of praise, and even though he is still a bit socially awkwward, he gets respect for his skills at work...

amother

Thu, Oct 22 2020, 12:54 pm

He struggles in school academically. Bh in class his behavior is ok because bh a bit shy from adults. But on bus or other times between kids hell do anything for tlc.

It does sound impulsive or enjoying the negativity. Not sure which.

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Oct 22 2020, 12:58 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Try to find his strenghts...

If my friend's son had been in the yeshiva system, where it is all about language and learning language, he would have gotten really frustrated...

amother

Thu, Oct 22 2020, 1:13 pm

amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:

Try to find his strenghts...

If my friend's son had been in the yeshiva system, where it is all about language and learning language, he would have gotten really frustrated...

Complimenting/finding his strength would definately be good for him. Just wish would be so easy. Hes in such a negative mode now that Unfortunately hard to find what to compliment him on. Have other kids too bh. Its just this kid that Im having a hard time.

yksraya

Thu, Oct 22 2020, 1:22 pm

Try giving him more one on one time with you. Some kids just need more attention. Give it to him in a positive way, before he demands it negatively.

It can also be he is expressing frusteration due to his academic issues, or the way it's handled etc. Get to the bottom of it by communicating and really listening to what he has to say.

behappy2

Thu, Oct 22 2020, 9:30 pm

everyone has a limited amount of self control and he uses his up way before the school day is over so he is on a big deficit. I would try to really really really lower expectations and tons of compliments (which you said he likes) and lots of outlets for when he is home (biking, treadmill, outdoor play, roughhousing etc..) I would give him lots of physical and emotional touch to help him get center, feel connected and loved.

Lots of Luck!