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What mistakes had you done?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sat, Oct 24 2020, 11:52 pm
We all make mistakes at one point with how we parent. What did you do that made you feel as a failure and needed to work on it so it doesn't become ongoing ??
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amother




Babypink
 

Post  Sun, Oct 25 2020, 12:06 am
Not being strict with my babysitter about my baby’s schedule. It messed up my nights.
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amother




Silver
 

Post  Sun, Oct 25 2020, 12:10 am
Yelling at my kids. Thankfully I realized right away that it doesn’t do any good and that kids react directly to the way they are spoken to. I made a conscious decision to never yell and BH I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve yelled at them. I find that people think yelling is inevitable, but it is really not.
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amother




Forestgreen
 

Post  Sun, Oct 25 2020, 12:12 am
Never went on vacation because felt bad to leave my kids. They didn’t turn out any better than my friend’s kids whose parents took a vacation once or twice a year.
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amother




Lemon
 

Post  Sun, Oct 25 2020, 12:27 am
amother [ Silver ] wrote:
Yelling at my kids. Thankfully I realized right away that it doesn’t do any good and that kids react directly to the way they are spoken to. I made a conscious decision to never yell and BH I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve yelled at them. I find that people think yelling is inevitable, but it is really not.


Can I ask you how you stopped? It's the biggest thing I struggle with, and as much as I try to stop yelling, I have not been successful (I.e. older child hurting younger one, I tell him to stop and he continues, I tell him again and eventually I yell). I hate it that I do it because I see my kids copying me but I don't know how to stop.
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HakarasHatov




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Oct 25 2020, 12:32 am
Yelling at my kids was also my biggest regret. “Spare the child” and Blimie Heller helped me.

Last edited by HakarasHatov on Sun, Oct 25 2020, 12:46 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Silver
 

Post  Sun, Oct 25 2020, 12:39 am
amother [ Lemon ] wrote:
Can I ask you how you stopped? It's the biggest thing I struggle with, and as much as I try to stop yelling, I have not been successful (I.e. older child hurting younger one, I tell him to stop and he continues, I tell him again and eventually I yell). I hate it that I do it because I see my kids copying me but I don't know how to stop.

I guess I just realized it doesn’t help at all and it just makes everyone unhappy. I switched my tone to speaking respectfully and then showing appreciation when listened to. I always try to put myself in my kids’ shoes and think how I’d want to be spoken to. It’s also important to me to have a positive environment in the home, which yelling is not conducive to.
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amother




Seagreen
 

Post  Sun, Oct 25 2020, 3:07 am
Being unwilling to leave my kids with a babysitter to go out alone with dh when they were infants. It didn’t do the kids any harm but didn’t do our marriage any favors, either.
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amother




Turquoise
 

Post  Sun, Oct 25 2020, 3:22 am
My oldest is 3 so FWIW, my biggest mistake so far was going back to work 6 weeks after birth and working a full-time job until I lost it due to Corona (I gave my career my all and still lost everything bc of a virus). I should have worked part-time. I can't afford to be a SAHM forever, but I can afford part-time, and I believe that is the right thing to do in my situation.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Oct 25 2020, 4:51 am
Being too strict with DD after bas mitzvah. I should have eased up, and let her find herself.
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behappy2




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Oct 25 2020, 8:32 am
Listening to ppl who told me I needed to be more strict with my kid

Going head to head with my kid

Being inflexible, following one parenting course

Mostly, not having the patience to put in the work of reaching, teaching
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Oct 25 2020, 8:37 am
I struggle with yelling too but so far dc acts out even more when I scream. One thing I just cant handle is when they fight physically that's when I loose it very much! When the yelling comes up I loose it that I get impulsive with how I talk .ds acts out sooo much more after he sees me loosing . Something I so must work on myself immediately.

The other day I got upset on dh , I came home from shopping in a terrible yelling mood , and all my kids started acting out and catches that mood from me .

Help me stay calm .
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amother




Babypink
 

Post  Sun, Oct 25 2020, 8:39 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I struggle with yelling too but so far dc acts out even more when I scream. One thing I just cant handle is when they fight physically that's when I loose it very much! When the yelling comes up I loose it that I get impulsive with how I talk .ds acts out sooo much more after he sees me loosing . Something I so must work on myself immediately.

The other day I got upset on dh , I came home from shopping in a terrible yelling mood , and all my kids started acting out and catches that mood from me .

Help me stay calm .


Have you decided on a parenting technique that works for you? Have you read any books on it?
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amother




Pink
 

Post  Sun, Oct 25 2020, 8:43 am
I thought that being a “good mother” meant that my kids obeyed me; and when they didn’t, I got so scared and overwhelmed and terrified about maintaining control and authority that I kept escalating the situation until I used to hit regularly.

One kid was barely 4, and one morning I “came to” out of a rage to the icy realization that I was scared to send him to nursery school with an angry red handprint on his face.

I got help after that.

Hating myself or dwelling on the past is unproductive, but there’s a part of me that believes I’ve permanently broken my kids, and any problems we have now (and there are lots) are what I deserve.
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silverlining3




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Oct 25 2020, 8:44 am
Missing the boat of introducing proper food to my then under a yr old child. She's 7 now and my most picky eater. My other kids, I knew to start early enough.

Though lemme not be so harsh on myself, maybe it's genetic. Both, my husband and I aren't the best eaters ha
As long as there's what to blame it on, hu?
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tweety1




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Oct 25 2020, 8:48 am
Putting dd into the wrong school. Bh we were able to rectify it by putting her into a school where she belongs. Ka"h she's the best of the best. Has great friends, she's doing exceptionally well socially and academically.
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ladysupremacy




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Oct 25 2020, 9:11 am
silverlining3 wrote:
Missing the boat of introducing proper food to my then under a yr old child. She's 7 now and my most picky eater. My other kids, I knew to start early enough.

Though lemme not be so harsh on myself, maybe it's genetic. Both, my husband and I aren't the best eaters ha
As long as there's what to blame it on, hu?


I introduced my daughter to all the foods and she ate really nicely until she was 4 or 5. Then one day, she decided she doesn’t eat almost anything! kids do that sometimes and it’s not always because of something we did/didn’t do!
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amother




Silver
 

Post  Sun, Oct 25 2020, 11:41 pm
ladysupremacy wrote:
I introduced my daughter to all the foods and she ate really nicely until she was 4 or 5. Then one day, she decided she doesn’t eat almost anything! kids do that sometimes and it’s not always because of something we did/didn’t do!

This exactly. My kids ate everything until around that age. Then they became very picky, just like I was as a kid.
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silverlining3




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 26 2020, 12:06 am
Okay, now I'm feeling better. Thank you.
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amother




Silver
 

Post  Mon, Oct 26 2020, 12:08 am
silverlining3 wrote:
Okay, now I'm feeling better. Thank you.

Oh and now that they’re becoming teenagers they’re slowly opening up to new foods. Try not to worry about it too much.
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