Is it ever okay to ask someone

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amother

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 4:48 pm

If they’re pregnant?
I have a close friend who thinks it’s ok to ask. She has no problem sharing her news the day she takes the EPT test. I prefer waiting till the second trimester. I do have this belief that it’s wrong to answer NO if the answer is yes so she puts me in a spot.
PSA it’s always wrong to ask!!!
#1- if the answer is no, then you just made her feel like 2 cents and self conscious that she’s fat.
#2- if the answer is yes, she obviously wasn’t ready to share with you yet, so kindly wait till she’s ready to share before forcing her news out of her.
Banging head

amother

Gold

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 4:51 pm

NO! Never ok!

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 4:52 pm

If she is showing clear signs of being in labor...

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 4:55 pm

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 4:55 pm

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

If she is showing clear signs of being in labor...

Then just ask if she needs any help.

No it's not ok. I'll never forget the pain I felt when someone asked me if I'm pregnant and it was right after a miscarriage (that's why I looked pregnant).
I'll also never forget the pain of the people I know who were told "bshaa tova" when they're not pregnant, just overweight.

No one should ever say anything until they are told.

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 5:11 pm

I can’t scream this loud enough. NEVER OKAY!

zaq

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 5:12 pm

Not unless you're a medical or dental imaging technician or anesthetist and she's your patient.

liveandlove.ima

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 5:13 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I needed this badly!!!! LOL

amother

Blonde

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 5:14 pm

No.

amother

Violet

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 5:15 pm

The only way it’s ok is AFTER you’ve given birth, and someone asks “what??? You were pregnant?”

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 5:17 pm

zaq wrote:

Not unless you're a medical or dental imaging technician or anesthetist and she's your patient.

Maybe also if you're working in a nail salon or something.

amother

Amethyst

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 5:19 pm

Yes, but only for medical reasons. Like if she's with a kid who needs x rays, or if she needs x rays, or if there'sa medication issue. Or, as I learned, if she wants to swim with dolphins.

liveandlove.ima

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 5:21 pm

On a serious note the answer is obviously NO
and Op you should tell her that straight in the face, it is not okay to ask this question.

You can also always answer something like, "oh I would love to be!!' or "I wish I was!" - its not a yes and certainly not a no

ExtraCredit

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 5:25 pm

Oh people always get up for me on the bus or train. They rush to hold doors open. The perks of looking like I’m carrying triplets.

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 5:37 pm

In a safety context, care should be taken to ensure that the question is presented as a standard question, not a personal one.

amother

Violet

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 5:52 pm

amother [ Amethyst ] wrote:

Yes, but only for medical reasons. Like if she's with a kid who needs x rays, or if she needs x rays, or if there'sa medication issue. Or, as I learned, if she wants to swim with dolphins.

Or go through the metal detector by the shul in Florence.
Or go segwaying.

amother

Forestgreen

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 6:00 pm

I am super-makpid on not asking. But once it was SO obvious that she was, I felt comfortable commenting on it.

She wasn't Can't Believe It

amother

Vermilion

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 6:00 pm

absolutely not.
I made a post about it a few weeks ago and I was shocked that so many women thought it was ok to ask.
I was on a walk over shabbos and a girl I say hi and bye to said are you pregnant? when are you due?
I was so uncomfortable.

never ok to ask.

behappy2

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 6:03 pm

It's my understanding that you dont need to say the truth when ppl ask nosy yes or no questions.

flowerpower

Sun, Oct 25 2020, 6:05 pm

Never ever ask. Especially after yom tov when barbie becomes carbie

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