If you’re someone who is naturally REALLY messy...

amother

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 12:55 pm

How did you learn to be cleaner/more organized? I’m naturally really messy, not dirty, just really really messy. Things (clothes, non-perishables, books, shoes, papers, etc) can just sit out not put away for days, if not weeks. Basically if someone randomly came over unannounced and saw our apartment I would be absolutely mortified.

I want to change and don’t know how. I also struggle with adhd and depression/anxiety if that gives any useful context. I get so easily overwhelmed by cleaning/organizing tasks and then basically just shut my brain off to them and stick my head in the sand.

My husband and I are both extremely messy and all over the place and I want to learn how to be better and keep a clean house before we have children. I really don’t want my habits to negatively impact my children the way my mother’s impacted me (she is exactly the same way, if not worse).

I would love to hear any advice you might have. Thank you!

paperflowers

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 1:03 pm

It’s really hard and something neat people just don’t understand. My tricks generally involve cleaning in short bursts. For example, cleaning for 10 minutes or putting away 20 things. Or put away 10 things from five different categories (10 clean dishes that have been sitting out, 10 non-perishables, etc.). Sometimes I’ll set a timer for like 9 minutes, do one cleaning job for that time, reset it at the end and switch to a different cleaning job. I can keep that one up for a while and it works well for my brain that hates doing one thing for a while. It’s also nice to clean with my husband. We get some time to talk.

amother

Oak

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 1:14 pm

Okay, I thought of one thing I did. The problem is, I can see how this would make the problem worse for some people. Anyway, I tried picking certain room(s) that I would keep more organized, while not worrying about the other rooms. The goal being to slowly extend the neat territory.
Like I said, this could go very wrong if you have tons of stuff and just keep squashing the whole mess into a smaller space, which would make it harder to clean up in the end. The idea is to organize the designated area initially, without adding to the mess elsewhere, and then to continuously organize that area to keep it neat.
Good luck! It's definitely smart that you want to do this now.

paperflowers

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 1:15 pm

Also, find the one thing that needs to get done every day. For me that’s laundry. If I do a load every day, then my apartment is so much neater! If I skip a day, it builds up really quickly. No, I don’t really do it every day, but because I have that mindset it remains much more in control.

paperflowers

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 1:18 pm

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

This is a good idea because it takes away from some of the shame. Like OP, I’m sometimes embarrassed to have people over. But if the living room and bathroom look nice, I don’t have to stress about that as much.

amother

Pink

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 1:18 pm

You sound like me. Down to the ADHD. I will be honest-it will always be extremely challenging unless you go on meds. Seriously. I feel this is a serious handicap. I'm not exxagerating. It is completely impossible to have an organized, orderly home if your brain is disorganized and disorderly. People who don't have adhd don't understand what such a brain feels like.
Hatzlacha!

zaq

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 1:20 pm

For the problem of brain shutoff, aka being overwhelmed by the magnitude of the job and not knowing where to start: try using a checklist. Flylady.com has some, or make up your own.

First: list the general job, e.g. tidying living room
Then: break the job down into tasks, e.g.
--collect things that belong in another room and put in a laundry basket or wastebasket, as appropriate
--collect toys and put in toy box
--collect magazines and put in magazine rack, or on coffee table or wherever you designated
--collect books and put in bookcase
--fold afghans or throws and put on couch or easy chair
--straighten couch pillows
--carry wastebasket to trash, empty and replace in LR if it lives there or elsewhere if it lives there
--carry laundry basket to next room and put contents where they belong, or summon family and tell them to retrieve their belongings and put them away where they belong.

Do the same for each room in the house. Set your own schedule: One room a day, or all in one day, whatever works for you. Family members should be participating; exactly how they participate is up to you, according to their ages and abilities.

very important: every stick in your house should have a designated home. you can't have everything in its place if it doesn't have a place to be in.

ETA: check off each task as it's done. That gives you a sense of accomplishment.

NotInNJMommy

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 1:33 pm

Flylady helped me tons....

The thing is, I'm not messy, but I end up not being neat because I get overwhelmed with dispositioning getting rid of stuff or where I should put it away. So, then it just piles up. Add to that working full time, being a single mom, and kids (and yes, my teens seem to make more less than my little one)....meh....and cleaning help is expensive here, I don't have someone I trust to come when I'm not home, and then COVID complications.....

Anyways, when I fall back on Flylady foundational stuff, it helps a lot. When I get into routines to maintain cleanliness/declutter then I can focus on the bigger projects. I'm also calmer and at the same time more energized.

singleagain

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 1:36 pm

One tip I recently saw online it's called the one minute rule or two minute or five minute you know whatever short amount of time and the trick is that if it takes one minute do it now like I can't think of an example right now I'm sorry my brains a little bit shut off and I'm doing this voice to text so I again I apologize if it's a little bit illegible

Also I would consider doing a search for like help me be tidy Tumblr advice because believe it or not there is some really good advice out there on websites like Tumblr or Pinterest or whatever

SuperWify

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 1:59 pm

Me. I was never neat growing up. I just didn’t care. Once I got married I realized I had a choice - I could be a slob or I could pull myself together.

I learned from Instagram how to be organized. Purged a lot.
I got cleaning help (who sadly left me Sad

)
I watched videos on YouTube on how to be clean.
I started taking pleasure in an organized home that was neat and smells clean. (Yes, I vacuum my floors with a scent booster and essential oils.)

Now I’m the person you’ll call if you want to know how to clean your dishwasher or freshen your mattress.

Honestly, I won’t lie. Many times there’s a mess. But it’s ok. As long as I keep to my schedule- Tuesday, Friday and motzei shabbos are cleaning days. Sunday and Monday are laundry days and Wednesday and Thursday are cooking for shabbos days- I’m ok. I’m not drowning. It doesn’t have to be perfect but it should be live-able.

Anyway a clean house gives me great satisfaction because I know I’m doing something that isn't in my nature. I also listen to podcasts while I clean to make it enjoyable.

amother

Bisque

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 2:13 pm

Same exact situation
Pretty sure I have ADHD, my mind has the tendency to run off, I get distracted easily...
My house is usually quite cluttered and I hate it!
Even with a good cleaning lady (I miss you Carmela Sad

), the clutter was still there...
Thing is, I love cleaning and organizing, really enjoy it, but I need to be focused enough to actually think about doing it!
It's a struggle for me ever since...

amother

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 2:20 pm

Thanks so much everyone for your responses! Your tips are great and I'm excited to look into FlyLady.

And for the amothers who wrote just to empathize--thank you! I feel less alone and I hope you do too.

Struggling with all of this can sometimes feel so isolating, because honestly it's not the kind of thing I want to strike up a convo with a friend about (personally I'm embarrassed, though I probably shouldn't be because I should be kinder on myself!!), so hearing from you guys means a lot and really does make me feel less depressed about it all. Heart

amother

Rose

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 3:46 pm

ME!!!!!!!!
Only anon as I talk about this IRL. I picked a project to do and work to keep it up. When that became second nature I added something else. I am still "in the process" of getting better. One other thing is I made patterns- motzei shabbos A, B, and C get done (dishwasher filled, 1 load of laundry, sweep dining room). It helps a little but I still need cleaning help!

I also love a slob comes clean. I felt I could relate to her better. Because how can I do fly lady- she makes it as if we all have done some basics already....

amother

Wine

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 3:52 pm

amother [ Bisque ] wrote:

I have this embarrassing habit of peeking into other people's houses, and trying to find someone messier than me Hiding

So far I win Sad

When I was a f/t working-outside-the-home mom with a passel of little kids and getting depressed that my apt, was never neat and always looked like those pictures of 19th-century immigrant tenement homes with laundry drying in the kitchen and piles of things everywhere , I loved visiting other people and feeling good that their homes were no neater than mine. not necessarily messier, but not materially neater. It didn't make my own abode any better, but at least I didn't have to feel totally inferior.

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Oct 27 2020, 5:14 pm

Sorry to say, but the organization gurus frequently suggested here (like flylady etc) aren't really helpful for people with ADHD. For me, what helps is meds, daily cleaning help, and I hire an organizer once or twice a year.