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High risk and emotionally broken



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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 9:24 am
I am very high risk for covid. All of my doctors are telling me to be extremely cautious, stay home, social distance, and not rely on antibodies.
My dd is expecting and I am heartbroken at not being able to be there for her. All I want is to be able to host the couple, pamper dd, and help out after birth - even host them. The couple (who has travelled recently and are not quarantined, so they are exposed to other people) is asking me to host them and my heart just wants to say yes but do I potentially throw my life away for this? But what kind of life am I living now?
Dd doesn't understand, her new husband doesn't understand. Her in laws are younger and less high risk so they have been hosting them but they still are hurt at the choices I've been making. I have sent them food from restaurants as well as home cooked meals and tried to be supportive as much as possible without endangering my life but it still feels as though they think I am abandoning them. My heart is broken. Hashem, when will this tortuous pandemic be over???
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 9:32 am
So sorry for your struggles.. but you are doing the right thing. I’m pregnant and I’m honestly wondering if my parents will even come to the bris. They won’t take my kids when I go to the hospital even though we already had covid this season... they’re being very strict about isolating. And I don’t blame them. Unfortunately they’ve seen too many peers pass away from this. Maybe because your children are newlywed they don’t have the maturity to understand this. I’m a lot past that stage. Continue sending them food and when the baby is born, buy whatever you can for them. Of course it won’t replace you being there, but hopefully one day they will grow up and respect the difficult choices you’re making.
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amother
Brown


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 9:36 am
Does your daughter have an older sister who can explain this to her?
You are 100% doing the right thing.
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 9:36 am
It sounds like you're a great mom who really cares about your kids and are there for them even though you can't physically be there for them now.You obviously have to put your health first so that you'll be there for them for many many many years! I'm just not sure why your kids don't understand that. I would love to see my dad but he lives in another country and there is no way that I would put him at risk to see him or expect him to come see me. It is so hard for him living like this especially since my mom passed away just a few months ago.
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amother
Coffee


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 9:36 am
I'm so sorry Sad. I'm not so nervous about this pandemic for myself because I'm not high risk but I 100 percent understand you. I'm sorry your dd doesn't. My hear breaks for you. I was just talking to an older woman. she told me how her great grandson- who I know- said to her daughter ( his grandmother) " remember when I was able to come in to your house?". so hard but her husband is on dialysis... they really aren't going anywhere....
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twizzlers1




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 9:37 am
It sounds like you're a great mom who really cares about your kids and are there for them even though you can't physically be there for them now.You obviously have to put your health first so that you'll be there for them for many many many years! I'm just not sure why your kids don't understand that. I would love to see my dad but he lives in another country and there is no way that I would put him at risk to see him or expect him to come see me. It is so hard for him living like this especially since my mom passed away just a few months ago.
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amother
Blush


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 9:54 am
I’m sorry but how can your daughter (who I assume knows your high risk status) expect you to host her when she hasn’t been particularly safe or careful? Keep in mind in the hospital she will come in contact with dozens of people so if you’re worried please do keep your distance after
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ssspectacular




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 9:57 am
Can you blame it on your doctor? We find that asking our dr. and then telling people we are following our dr's orders makes everything easier.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 9:58 am
amother [ Blush ] wrote:
I’m sorry but how can your daughter (who I assume knows your high risk status) expect you to host her when she hasn’t been particularly safe or careful? Keep in mind in the hospital she will come in contact with dozens of people so if you’re worried please do keep your distance after


She does know my status. They have anitibodies and assume that means it's ok, but my doctors are telling me not to rely on antibodies.
I feel so broken, so dispirited, and so, so sad.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 9:58 am
ssspectacular wrote:
Can you blame it on your doctor? We find that asking our dr. and then telling people we are following our dr's orders makes everything easier.


We are but I feel so cruel. They keep asking.
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amother
Lilac


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 9:58 am
Covid sucks Sad

There are only 2 choices - live for today, or live in a way that offers all the tomorrows. There are no guarantees, but to give yourself the BEST chance of IYH being there for your grandchild's future (not just the present) you HAVE to be super-careful.

You are giving practical help from a distance, which is all you can do right now (plus emotional support of course). Please don't take risks. Sadly, we have all seen how that can end...
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 10:00 am
Hate to state the obvious but you will abandon them forever if you die. Your daughter is young and to her you’re still the strong invincible mom. Hopefully one day she’ll understand. For now it’s your job to make sure you get to see her other children too.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 10:14 am
I wish there was some sort of support group (by phone or zoom) for people like me.
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 10:23 am
Your daughter is young & not mature enough to understand your choices, if she did this would be easier on you. You are older, wiser and need to comfort yourself that you are doing the right thing. But you love your family and never feel any doubt that you are doing right by them (and yourself) even if they dont know it. When mothers tell kids eat your vegetables, they aren't being mean even if the child thinks so.
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causemommysaid




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 10:34 am
Would they be willing to quarantine for two weeks in order for you to host them?

If they agree, then there won't be much of a risk.
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 10:53 am
I'm sorry that sounds really hard. My MIL is high risk as well and we get to see her since we are as careful as she is. My Mom is high risk as well but my family is not being careful so we aren't seeing them without SD and masks. It's really difficult.

I wish I could make your daughter understand. She really doesn't get you could get sick and die? Or is she so sure her antibodies won't pass on anything to you. Just because she has antibodies doesn't mean her body can't carry the virus and spread it.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 11:01 am
causemommysaid wrote:
Would they be willing to quarantine for two weeks in order for you to host them?

If they agree, then there won't be much of a risk.


No. And after the baby it won't be ideal- she will have been in the hospital. The time period that she most needs me is those two weeks right after birth Sad
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amother
Natural


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 12:18 pm
I know someone who had a different situation.
The young couple is at higher risk and was VERY careful about covid exposure.
They would only go to mom if mom agreed to quarantine for two weeks in advance, etc.

Mom had to decide if that made sense for her. At time of dd due date, it didn't.

But when baby was about 6 weeks old, it did, so the dd kimpeturined at mom for two weeks 6 weeks pp! Smile
But she also went to her in-laws who are super super careful.

I am surprised your daughter is guilting you.
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 12:22 pm
OP I'm in the exact reverse situation as you- I'm due soon with my first baby and my parents are making a (illegal) wedding the week before my due date- we are not comfortable going to them afterwards but my mother refuses to accept that Sad
Bad enough that we have to go to the wedding but I don't think I can handle the fallout of not going and at least we can be careful there.... I can't ask that of her
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