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Indoctrination, Control and its Aftermath
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Fri, Oct 30 2020, 12:19 am
crust wrote:
I have a cousin that doesn't let her kids eat the pekelech they get from upsherins.

It's put away for shabbos.

I wonder if they allow wining a goral.

Hey, I just about reminded myself of a whole division of people that I hadn't thought about before.

Ah... such relief to know its not a brand new sect.

Pretty condescending post.
Your way must be the best and only way.
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crust




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 30 2020, 12:31 am
amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:
Pretty condescending post.
Your way must be the best and only way.


Not sure where I mentioned my way or any way being better or worse.

You think its a good idea to take away the pekelech from the children? Say it.
Lets start a conversation.

But start a spinoff because this thread has been taken in too many directions. It is confusing to start another conversation here.

Ps your post is not only condescending. It's cowardly too.
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Mama Bear




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 30 2020, 1:29 am
nchr wrote:
What about things like putting feet on a couch?


I put my feet in the couch. with or without socks. as does my husband.
that's what the couch is for! To stretch out and relax.
And I let my 7 yr old jump on the couch, within reason. Not often, and not hard. but he will occasionally jump from the window ledge onto the couch (while I hold my breath) for a few rounds til I tell him to stop it bc it's dangerous.
It's okay to breathe a little.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Fri, Oct 30 2020, 1:36 am
nchr wrote:
That depends what you want out of your relationship with your kids. If you want something more formal, then you emphasize no questions. I cannot imagine a reality where I would be okay with my child questioning me, no matter how valid, but I don't want my child to be my friend. I want my child to be exactly that - my child.


I just browsed the thread.

But this jumped out at me. As I had an extreme disturbing conversation with my son's math teacher. (It's possible you might have a family member who can be a shidduch for him. Your philosophy matches.)

Anyway. I understand the need to assert your authority. And maintain obedience and respect.

At the same time though. Your child needs to be able to process their experiences and even their relationship to you. And if they can't push back or even respectfully ask. ... Then how will they learn to process their emotions? Also how will you develop a lifelong bond that will help them build their own life in a thoughtful way.

I suppose this goes back to the original question.

You can be an authoritarian parent. And you've raised an adult that can go through the motions.... But then where is the relationship with HKBH and where is the nitzchiyut?
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 30 2020, 7:15 am
nchr wrote:
No, it's not shameful. It's private. Do you read your children books in public? Cry in public? Do you get down on your child's physical level to have a conversation with him in public? It's just private. And obviously since it would be my neighbors boy I wouldn't be disciplining him anyways in the eyes of the store clerk.


Yes. I do all those things in public. I also....
skip in public, sit down on the floor in public, laugh in public, kiss and hug in public, run down the block holding hands with my children in public, and do ever so much more things in public. I’m a human, not a robot. My kids are human too. We love to live. And we live for ourselves, for nobody else.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 30 2020, 8:23 am
NCHR what do you mean by "no questions"? No asking "Why did you even have me if you won't admit I'm your child in public?", no asking "why do you put scallions in the potato salad?" or no asking "where do babies come from?"
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silverlining3




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 30 2020, 8:28 am
This thread is making me jump outta my skin.
Why did I even bother reading it? Hmmm l'toeles??
Maybe I learnt some parenting tips, what yes and not to do, along the way.
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 30 2020, 8:32 am
zaq wrote:
NCHR what do you mean by "no questions"? No asking "Why did you even have me if you won't admit I'm your child in public?", no asking "why do you put scallions in the potato salad?" or no asking "where do babies come from?"

I once asked my mother, right by checkout at the shoe store, I must’ve been around six? “Where do babies come from it makes no sense. Do they just drop down from the sky?” Oh god she took my hand and dragged me out of there. Never denied my existence though. She took too much clomid to have me.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Fri, Oct 30 2020, 8:53 am
Mama Bear wrote:
I put my feet in the couch. with or without socks. as does my husband.
that's what the couch is for! To stretch out and relax.
And I let my 7 yr old jump on the couch, within reason. Not often, and not hard. but he will occasionally jump from the window ledge onto the couch (while I hold my breath) for a few rounds til I tell him to stop it bc it's dangerous.
It's okay to breathe a little.


Couches are also for making forts. Not a week goes buy that all the cushions are pulled off and turned into a game. Floor is lava. Tents. Etc.

Making sure they put it all back when done is my chinuch.
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 30 2020, 8:55 am
amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:
Couches are also for making forts. Not a week goes buy that all the cushions are pulled off and turned into a game. Floor is lava. Tents. Etc.

Making sure they put it all back when done is my chinuch.

My chinuch is buying couches with nonremovable cushions. I grew up with these games and it’s hella annoying when you want to sit down and all the cushions are off.
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honeymoon




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 30 2020, 10:14 am
Zehava wrote:
My chinuch is buying couches with nonremovable cushions. I grew up with these games and it’s hella annoying when you want to sit down and all the cushions are off.


And no fabric! Leather only. I have no intention of making my kids stand ten feet away from the couch when they only think of food or markers, like my mom did/still does. My leather couch sports pen marks on a constant basis and a good ol' rag does the trick. If I want to see a museum, I'll go visit one. I prefer to live in a home without any wax figures.
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amother
Pearl


 

Post Fri, Oct 30 2020, 10:15 am
mommy3b2c wrote:
Yes. I do all those things in public. I also....
skip in public, sit down on the floor in public, laugh in public, kiss and hug in public, run down the block holding hands with my children in public, and do ever so much more things in public. I’m a human, not a robot. My kids are human too. We love to live. And we live for ourselves, for nobody else.

Yes!!!
My child is my child in public just the same! If he needs me to get down to eye level in public or to speak nonsensical humorous blabber why wouldn’t I?? Why should they think that I’m only there for them when no ones around to see? I think they would feel that there’s shame in our relationship that way.
I’m their mom, not a friend, but I’m their rock.
And I always have their back- no matter who’s around to see.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 30 2020, 10:36 am
This thread.... I can’t.......
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amother
Amber


 

Post Fri, Oct 30 2020, 10:46 am
delete

Last edited by amother on Fri, Oct 30 2020, 3:01 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Pearl


 

Post Fri, Oct 30 2020, 10:51 am
I’ve brought along books to a doctors appointment to read to my child when I knew it would be a long wait.
Best thing ever: win win. And interesting to note- the other little ones in the waiting room gathered around to listen too. No shame from either party.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Fri, Oct 30 2020, 10:55 am
amother [ Pearl ] wrote:
I’ve brought along books to a doctors appointment to read to my child when I knew it would be a long wait.
Best thing ever: win win. And interesting to note- the other little ones in the waiting room gathered around to listen too. No shame from either party.


And to shul too. A nice parsha book. I even let other people's children come and listen in.

I'm trying to figure out why reading a book and bending to childs height would be a private thing .... Is this a tznius issue? Like your voice should not be heard in public? And you shouldn't bend in public? Is that why these things are considered private to nchr?
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Fri, Oct 30 2020, 10:59 am
Maybe it's considered undignified in certain circles?
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 30 2020, 11:11 am
Doctors waiting rooms and Shuls are loaded with children’s books where I live. And thankfully my kids catch on to reading at a young age. I don’t really have much patience for reading books aloud though my kids still miss the bedtime stories I’d read them once upon a time when I wanted to be a movie mom.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 30 2020, 11:14 am
amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:
Maybe it's considered undignified in certain circles?


May Heaven preserve us from societies in which it is considered undignified to read a book to a child.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Fri, Oct 30 2020, 11:16 am
zaq wrote:
May Heaven preserve us from societies in which it is considered undignified to read a book to a child.


Amen!
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