Indoctrination, Control and its Aftermath

amother

Pearl

Fri, Oct 30 2020, 11:16 am

Zehava wrote:

Doctors waiting rooms and Shuls are loaded with children’s books where I live. And thankfully my kids catch on to reading at a young age. I don’t really have much patience for reading books aloud though my kids still miss the bedtime stories I’d read them once upon a time when I wanted to be a movie mom.

It’s a bit different though to what we were discussing.

Every mom has their own strengths and their own likes and dislikes. Every child does as well. So it’s up to each individual to decide how to spend time with their child. We each do it differently and that’s ok.

Since my children love to be read to: even after they can do it alone, and I love reading to them it works well for when we go out and there isn’t much else to keep them busy.
However: the question is- is this considered private? Undignified? I’m not sure why that would be.

zaq

Fri, Oct 30 2020, 12:12 pm

Ah, let's be DLKZ. Maybe our anti-reading-in-public poster is dyslexic and is embarrassed to reveal her difficulty in public; maybe she has orthopedic problems so severe that crouching down to speak face-to-face with a child would involve movements and postures so awkward that she would indeed appear undignified.

ChassidishMommy

Fri, Oct 30 2020, 12:15 pm

nchr wrote:

Probably. I mean, who else do you witness on this type of intimate level?

If this is called intimate, then I sorta understand why reading books is private Confused

nchr, do you have any friends besides your family members? Because I keep on hearing about stuff you thought were the norm which I haven't even heard of, and I know many very Chassidish (shpitzel type) families on an "intimate" level.

Zehava

Fri, Oct 30 2020, 1:49 pm

Today and yesterday I hugged my kids a little tighter. Told them I loved them a little more often. And laughed at their antics.
I am so grateful that they get to grow up in my home, I am so grateful I get to be their mom.

OOTforlife

Fri, Oct 30 2020, 1:57 pm

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

This is totally irrelevant to the theme of this thread, but I personally would not read aloud to my kids in a quiet space like a doctor's waiting room that is being shared by multiple people. For the same reason that I wouldn't have an unnecessary phone conversation in such a place or watch a movie on a device without headphones. For many of the other people present, it would be impossible to avoid listening and somewhat irritating. Nothing to do with privacy or chinuch.

Cheshire cat

Fri, Oct 30 2020, 1:59 pm

Ladies,

Please extend the compassion and dignity you reserve for your children to the women involved in this thread.

For some of you this is entertainment, socializing, a moment to pat yourself on the back for your superior parenting skills. For others, this thread is probably humiliating, and your comments, condescending.

Ugh. I hate doing this. But I can't bear it!

Zehava

Fri, Oct 30 2020, 2:01 pm

Cheshire cat wrote:

You’re 100% right
Though for me it got so ridiculous at some point that I had to lighten things up a bit. But we definitely should keep this in mind.

SuperWify

Fri, Oct 30 2020, 2:04 pm

I rasa the whole thread and there’s one thing really bothering me.

NCHR you said it’s not ok to embarrass your family- ie. Excuse your teenager acting out in a store as your niece isn’t ok because it’s embarrassing to your sister but saying it’s a neighbor is.

But it’s ok to hurt the child and embarrass her by publicly disowning her???

What am I missing?

amother

Pearl

Fri, Oct 30 2020, 2:07 pm

OOTforlife wrote:

Perhaps. But my kids being whiny is even more irritating

Zehava

Fri, Oct 30 2020, 2:09 pm

SuperWify wrote:

You’re missing the attitude of viewing children as less than humans whose feelings don’t matter.

Mama Bear

Fri, Oct 30 2020, 3:35 pm

Zehava wrote:

I once asked my mother, right by checkout at the shoe store, I must’ve been around six? “Where do babies come from it makes no sense. Do they just drop down from the sky?” Oh god she took my hand and dragged me out of there. Never denied my existence though. She took too much clomid to have me.

LOL! you remind me now, how exciting it was when you were born, I remember it was a big simcha Very Happy

Mama Bear

Fri, Oct 30 2020, 3:36 pm

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

Couches are also for making forts. Not a week goes buy that all the cushions are pulled off and turned into a game. Floor is lava. Tents. Etc.

Making sure they put it all back when done is my chinuch.

haha. like zehava, I only have a leather couch with no cushions.

Mama Bear

Fri, Oct 30 2020, 3:36 pm

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

I’ve brought along books to a doctors appointment to read to my child when I knew it would be a long wait.
Best thing ever: win win. And interesting to note- the other little ones in the waiting room gathered around to listen too. No shame from either party.

Oh you bet. My son is terrified of the dentist so I would bring along the book "Malky & Yossele go to the dentist" and read it out loud. other kids also listened! it was awesome!

amother

Blue

Sat, Oct 31 2020, 12:53 pm

nchr wrote:

No, it's not shameful. It's private. Do you read your children books in public? Cry in public? Do you get down on your child's physical level to have a conversation with him in public? It's just private. And obviously since it would be my neighbors boy I wouldn't be disciplining him anyways in the eyes of the store clerk.

I do all of those things in public. Crying I try not to but it happens - as long as I'm in a safe setting where people know me - family, friends, coworkers I'm chill with that. On a bus or in middle of a park of strangers - less so.