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DD is overly attached to her blanket
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applesbananas




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 1:10 pm
My DD is turning 4 in a few weeks. She’s a sensory kid and she is super attached to her blanket. She calls in “bwankie” in a babyish voice. She loves to lay on the couch with it. Anytime she gets hurt she says she needs her blankie. Recently it’s been getting lost a lot and bedtime turns into the whole family running up and down searching for it. Additionally she started waking me and my husband up at night if she can’t find it, like it went too far under the blanket or fell to the side of the bed. I had an older daughter who had a blanket past 4, I one time went away and sent her to my moms house and they lost it and it was a blessing that she just learned to sleep without it and when it eventually showed up I just threw it out because she moved on from it. I’m wondering how to address the issue without being too harsh on her but I realllllly want her blanket gone for good. Any advice?
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 1:12 pm
Just tell her it is only allowed in bed so if she needs it in the middle of the day she needs to get dressed into pajamas, go into bed, etc. Like this it will not get lost and I imagine you don't mind it being used in bed?
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 1:15 pm
You have to decide if you think it’s important to address.
If she is mature in other areas it won’t be so hard to work on it.
Many parents don’t make a big deal and eventually the attachment is not that strong.
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applesbananas




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 1:19 pm
amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:
Just tell her it is only allowed in bed so if she needs it in the middle of the day she needs to get dressed into pajamas, go into bed, etc. Like this it will not get lost and I imagine you don't mind it being used in bed?


Once I pick that battle, I want to be consistent and not back down. It’s not gonna be easy. Once I’m torturing her with that I rather it be because we’re getting rid of it. I don’t need another step of blanket drama..
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nchr




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 1:27 pm
I have never taken anything away since I don't give my children comfort objects, but is there an issue with having a blanket in her bed? Does it create sleeping or behavioral issues at night? Seems like setting a limit and saying you can only have it in bed makes sense and allows it to not lead to other behavioral issues, rather just being used to go to sleep.
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crust




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 1:31 pm
I would not take away a comfort item.
It has to come from the child.

She is 4 years old. I think its very cute of her to express her feelings this way. How else is she able to comfort herself?

Will you hold her when she is hurt?
Will you comfort her in middle of the night until she falls asleep again? What are the tools she has to comfort herself?

Like, what's the alternative to that blanket?
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Tries2BGoodMom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 1:37 pm
My four year old son is the same way with his blanket. All my kids were all super attached to their blankets. Yes I know what you mean about losing it at bedtime!! He even told me he loves his blanket more than me LOL. It is so important to them and four is still a young age. My kids at age 5 or 6 outgrew their blankets by themselves. I feel it needs to come from the child to get rid of the blanket.
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 1:50 pm
crust wrote:
I would not take away a comfort item.
It has to come from the child.

She is 4 years old. I think its very cute of her to express her feelings this way. How else is she able to comfort herself?

Will you hold her when she is hurt?
Will you comfort her in middle of the night until she falls asleep again? What are the tools she has to comfort herself?

Like, what's the alternative to that blanket?


I'm going to agree with crust on this one.
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Sunny Days




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 1:50 pm
My son was like that with his blankie & it was only allowed to be that one because the “taggie” size & feel. At 4 he was going strong with it & never left to bubby or anywhere overnight with it. Was the first thing when he came home etc. but eventually as he was getting closer o his fifth birthday it want so imperative anymore & he now only needs it occasionally.

I would personally not take a comfort item from a 4 year old. Maybe just in your situation put some limits- like it must stay in the bedroom. Can’t come downstairs or can’t come into the kitchen because it gets dirty & uchy. And definitely set limits for night- like we set limits for the kids on how many times they get tucked in each night...

G’luck!
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BadTichelDay




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 1:59 pm
My 5 year old ds is very attached to his garish pink-orange fluffy blanket, but mostly for sleeping. Sometimes during the day for comfort if he got hurt or is tired. Never thought that was a problem at that age and never did anything about it.
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 2:00 pm
All my kids had blankies.
By 3/4 I made a rule that it must stay in their bed.
If they got insulted or upset, they would go to their bed and stroke it until they felt better.
One child, at 9 asked me to make his blankie into 3 throw pillows. It was more socially acceptable, he felt. He would hug the pillow if he upset.
They're still on his bed. I never asked him if he falls asleep with them, but he does go away to friends and family without it.

I'm just not a fan of taking away a "cozy" from a sensory preschool kid.
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Sunny Days




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 2:03 pm
nchr wrote:
I have never taken anything away since I don't give my children comfort objects, but is there an issue with having a blanket in her bed? Does it create sleeping or behavioral issues at night? Seems like setting a limit and saying you can only have it in bed makes sense and allows it to not lead to other behavioral issues, rather just being used to go to sleep.

I had to LOL on this because it just *happened* with several of my kids. And why would it bother me that a kid has a self soothe item?
I only have one who did the pacifier thing, actually the blankie boy & those 2 items went together. At the same time I think he was my calmest baby/toddler. Easiest fall a-sleeper.
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 2:07 pm
gamzehyaavor wrote:
I had to LOL on this because it just *happened* with several of my kids. And why would it bother me that a kid has a self soothe item?
I only have one who did the pacifier thing, actually the blankie boy & those 2 items went together. At the same time I think he was my calmest baby/toddler. Easiest fall a-sleeper.


Agree.
One of my kids was a huge spitter, and his "cozy" was the cloth diaper that was always there, under his chin by eating, playing, etc.
My niece got attached to the swaddle blanket.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 3:31 pm
I recommend the book "Owen" by Kevin Henkes.

If she likes her blanket, let her enjoy it. No one walks down the aisle holding a blankie.
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 3:33 pm
For all of you saying not to take it away, I beg to differ.

Signed, a mother who still can’t go to sleep without her blankie.
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 3:37 pm
My friend's son had shreds of his blankie in his pocket when he leyned at his bar mitzvah. He's a college graduate doing quite well. I don't think blankie goes on job interviews.

Let it go. She'll be fine.
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 3:39 pm
SixOfWands wrote:
My friend's son had shreds of his blankie in his pocket when he leyned at his bar mitzvah. He's a college graduate doing quite well. I don't think blankie goes on job interviews.

Let it go. She'll be fine.


That is sooo cute.
My son hugged and kissed his blanket-turned-pillow before he went to shul for his bar mitzvah.
He was nervous.
I wished I had something for myself sometimes.
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Elfrida




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 3:47 pm
My sister had a stuffed animal she was very attached to. She managed to leave it at home when she went to seminary, but took it with her when she got married (though it wasn't present at the wedding!)

She was quite clear that her children weren't going to have any attachments that were hard to break and could become embarrassing. The night after she came home from the hospital with her first daughter, the baby refused to do anything but cry. In desperation she handed this stuffed animal to the baby - who miraculously calmed down. Fourteen years later, that baby is still attached to the rather frail stuffed animal, and my sister has given in about the need for comfort objects. The other children got them new. This animal has been declared an heirloom.
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 3:52 pm
amother [ Aqua ] wrote:
For all of you saying not to take it away, I beg to differ.

Signed, a mother who still can’t go to sleep without her blankie.


Who cares???
Is anyone suffering because of this?
Does it bother you?

Op you’re lucky she has a self soothing method. Do not take it away. Ever. My mom took mine away at five and it was not a good idea to say the least. I suffer to this day because of that. I recently got myself an expensive adult size cozy throw and it’s helped fill the void a bit.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 29 2020, 4:14 pm
amother [ Apricot ] wrote:
Who cares???
Is anyone suffering because of this?
Does it bother you?

Op you’re lucky she has a self soothing method. Do not take it away. Ever. My mom took mine away at five and it was not a good idea to say the least. I suffer to this day because of that. I recently got myself an expensive adult size cozy throw and it’s helped fill the void a bit.


THIS, every word of it! It is a VERY bad idea to take away a child's transitional object. Self soothing is a crucial life skill and very important for healthy development. Your child will eventually be using it less and less. There is nothing to gain by taking it away in one dramatic move, so let things happen naturally.

If you want, you can make rules like "no blankie at the dinner table, or at school, or in the back yard." Wherever it tends to get lost or dirty. Eventually you can say that blankie needs to stay in the bed, and it's for sleeping.

My mom was smart. She told me she was going to make "lots of blankies", and by that she meant cutting mine into smaller pieces, about a foot square each. I didn't care how big it was, I just wanted the texture. Each piece was just as good to me as any other one.

After that, there were no more meltdowns because one was in the wash, one was behind the sofa, and one was in the bed. I'm sure they got tangled in the covers every now and then, but IYH that should be the worst of your child raising problems.
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