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My 4 yo is SUPER wild - PLEASE HELP
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amother




OP
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 12:57 am
My four-year-old oldest DS is so smart and so charming.

BUT

he's so, so wild. He pushes and shoves his 3 yo brother seemingly for no reason, or when he's hungry/tired (even though we try to catch him before). He's so mean to his brother who's the sweetest little boy and just wants to play together with him.

After he finishes playing with his toys, he'll just pick everything up and throw all his toys around the living room.

If his brother is playing with legos or magnatiles, he will push a truck or a toy carriage right through those toys - and not because he wants to play...probably more because he's bored.

He cackles when he does something bad - he knows he's bad.

If I leave him alone in his room while I'm changing the baby, he'll strip his linen, spill out his laundry basket and pour large amounts of lotion on his hand (even when I hide it).

Time out don't work. Hitting doesn't work (and I really don't want to hit). Prizes don't work.

I try to keep him stimulated as much as possible but how much do I have to try? He has tons of outdoor time and bouncy toys and we walk around the block a lot....What am I supposed to do?

TIA
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amother




Papaya
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 1:46 am
Please get him evaluated by a psychologist! Maybe he's just wild, but maybe there are other issues here where he would need professional help! The sooner the better, good luck!
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amother




Burgundy
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 2:12 am
I struggled with this behavior with my 4 year old a while ago. We found out later he has ADHD. I was so against medication and absolutely refused giving my son meds even the lowest dose.
I struggled with this behavior for another year and tried every alternative option out there.
When nothing worked and I couldn't handle his wild behavior anymore, I gave in to try med.
He and I are a different person.
He is a calm happy behaving kid and I am a calm good mother now.
Is 4 young for (a low dose) meds, maybe.
Is it worth your sanity to have calm happy child?
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dankbar




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 2:50 am
Check his hearing as well.
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SuperWify




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 6:54 am
Sounds like an emotional regulation issue. Definitely get him evaluated.
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amother




Indigo
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 7:04 am
Sounds just like my precious kid,
We are waiting a bit and will medicate him in a year or so.
Hang in there. Some days I feel like throwing in the towel.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 7:11 am
I'm going to suggest OT and sensory integration therapy. It sounds like he's sensory seeking, and needs deep stimulation. This does not make him a wild kid, this just means that he needs to have the right outlets.

Pushing, dumping, and other gross motor behaviors mean that he's feeling under stimulated in those areas. Put him between two sofa cushions, and then squish him in a "sandwich". If he squeals in delight, you'll know for sure that he needs deep pressure.

Give him heavy work, like carrying groceries, or pushing a heavy laundry basket for you. Praise him for being such a good helper. He needs to know that using his muscles does not make him a "bad kid", he just needs to have productive channels.

He'll probably benefit greatly from a weighted blanket at night, and a weighted vest during the day. The weight helps calm and center all of the nerves, and will help him focus as well. (I can't fall asleep without my weighted blanket, even in the middle of summer.)

Buy him a heavy beanbag chair (not the ones with light Styrofoam in it.) Let him haul it around, jump on it, hide under it, pretend to be a turtle, etc.

If you have a spare crib mattress, or can find one for free from a friend, put it on the ground and let him use it as a trampoline. I did that with DD when she was 4, and it made a huge difference in her development. She could not count to 100 when sitting at her desk at school, but if I let her jump she could easily count that high. She needed both parts of her brain to work in order to access that information. Then I taught her to tap her foot while counting, so she could do the same in class.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 7:14 am
HE IS NOT BAD
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 7:21 am
BTW, my sister had two boys like this. They both ended up having ADD and sensory issues.

She never thought they were bad, she just adapted her home. She got rid of the coffee table, and bolted all of the furniture to the walls. She took everything breakable like figurines and vases, and put them in storage until the kids were older.

The boys thought that every vertical surface was a rock climbing wall, and that the sofas and chairs were landing pads when they'd jump off from the top of the bookshelves. Surprised In the summer, an outdoor swing set and large trampoline were her sanity savers.

B'H she's a child psychiatrist, and knew how to cope with them! Proof that Hashem sent those kids to the right parent. I'd go crazy if the boys were mine. At wits end

(Instead, I got a girl who was full of drama, LOL!)
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cozyblanket




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 7:24 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
I'm going to suggest OT and sensory integration therapy. It sounds like he's sensory seeking, and needs deep stimulation. This does not make him a wild kid, this just means that he needs to have the right outlets.

Pushing, dumping, and other gross motor behaviors mean that he's feeling under stimulated in those areas. Put him between two sofa cushions, and then squish him in a "sandwich". If he squeals in delight, you'll know for sure that he needs deep pressure.

Give him heavy work, like carrying groceries, or pushing a heavy laundry basket for you. Praise him for being such a good helper. He needs to know that using his muscles does not make him a "bad kid", he just needs to have productive channels.

He'll probably benefit greatly from a weighted blanket at night, and a weighted vest during the day. The weight helps calm and center all of the nerves, and will help him focus as well. (I can't fall asleep without my weighted blanket, even in the middle of summer.)

Buy him a heavy beanbag chair (not the ones with light Styrofoam in it.) Let him haul it around, jump on it, hide under it, pretend to be a turtle, etc.

If you have a spare crib mattress, or can find one for free from a friend, put it on the ground and let him use it as a trampoline. I did that with DD when she was 4, and it made a huge difference in her development. She could not count to 100 when sitting at her desk at school, but if I let her jump she could easily count that high. She needed both parts of her brain to work in order to access that information. Then I taught her to tap her foot while counting, so she could do the same in class.


Just a safety note: don't let him sleep with the weighted blanket all night. Just use it for 20 minutes and the remove it. There are times it can be dangerous. From a sensory point of view, weighted items are anyway to be used for short periods of time. Please consult an OT for further instructions.
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Geulanow




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 7:40 am
Sounds like he's jealous of his brother and wants more attention. Do you or others respond differently to his brother than to him? Does he ever play nicely with his brother? Catch him when he is doing something good and praise him. Ask him before he starrs to play what he thinks should be done with the toys afterwards. He needs to learn more empathy for others.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 8:25 am
cozyblanket wrote:
Just a safety note: don't let him sleep with the weighted blanket all night. Just use it for 20 minutes and the remove it. There are times it can be dangerous. From a sensory point of view, weighted items are anyway to be used for short periods of time. Please consult an OT for further instructions.


Love your screen name! Do you make weighted blankets?

I've been sleeping all night with mine for years. When I kick it off I don't wake up and need to put it back on, though.

I can't imagine how a blanket can be dangerous for anyone who is strong enough to lift it. A 4 year old is not at risk for SIDS.

BTW, any tips for how to wash one at home, instead of having to take it to the dry cleaner's? My washing machine is not strong enough to handle it.
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amother




Black
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 8:28 am
A workup by a doctor who's well versed in emotional issues is the first step. It also seems like he's not getting enough physical activity. It's hard during covid, but try to find outlets for him.
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amother




Forestgreen
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 9:51 am
If you want to know advice that few would ever take but works?

Cut all refined sugar and fake sugar & only have to make your own snacks and stick to non sugared snacks & foods. His behavior will be heavily impacted.

I know almost no one would consider this but it works. Just saying.
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Stars




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 10:03 am
cozyblanket wrote:
Just a safety note: don't let him sleep with the weighted blanket all night. Just use it for 20 minutes and the remove it. There are times it can be dangerous. From a sensory point of view, weighted items are anyway to be used for short periods of time. Please consult an OT for further instructions.


Another thing is: no more than 5% of body weight for a child.
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cozyblanket




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 10:18 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
Love your screen name! Do you make weighted blankets?

I've been sleeping all night with mine for years. When I kick it off I don't wake up and need to put it back on, though.

I can't imagine how a blanket can be dangerous for anyone who is strong enough to lift it. A 4 year old is not at risk for SIDS.

BTW, any tips for how to wash one at home, instead of having to take it to the dry cleaner's? My washing machine is not strong enough to handle it.


Thanks for the compliment! I just happened to have a laundry basket next to me when I was picking my screen name and it just popped in my head! Regarding your questions, she really should be using it under the direction of a therapist who knows her and her child so they can discuss all of these questions directly with the therapist.

Regarding washing it, it's hard. I would use a top sheet as a layer between so it stays pretty clean. Or a duvet cover. So you don't have to wash the actual blanket much.
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amother




Brown
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 10:52 am
Medication for ADHD ASAP.
No reason you should all suffer
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 11:30 am
amother [ Brown ] wrote:
Medication for ADHD ASAP.
No reason you should all suffer


Will a pediatrician prescribe ADD meds for a 4 year old? I thought that taking them too early can slow down growth.
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amother




Slategray
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 11:42 am
How is he at school?
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amother




Magenta
 

Post  Tue, Nov 03 2020, 9:06 pm
amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:
If you want to know advice that few would ever take but works?

Cut all refined sugar and fake sugar & only have to make your own snacks and stick to non sugared snacks & foods. His behavior will be heavily impacted.

I know almost no one would consider this but it works. Just saying.
this. Cut out gluten, dairy, food dyes and sugar. Chances are you will see major improvements.

Also check for strep, acute and chronic, yeast overgrowth, and parasites.

Give methylated b vitamins and magnesium.
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