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Do you show affection in front of your kids?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 7:02 am
I grew up in a right wing frum family (my fathers a rebbi in Lakewood) and I clearly remember my parents kissing/hugging each other. In my own home, my husband and I have no problem kissing/hugging in front of our children. (My daughter actually comments “aww, so sweet”)
I was talking to my daughters therapist who told me that it gives the children a sense of security, they see their parents love for each other. But she said many won’t do it cuz they believe it’s not tznius. What’s your feeling? Curious to see what other people do.
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amother




Scarlet
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 7:04 am
Yes we do, minus the kissing.
My parents do not. At all. Never ever ever ever. They are so extreme about it that they’ll make fun if I just tap my husband to get his attention.
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amother




Mistyrose
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 7:06 am
My kallah teacher told me to be sure to do show affection as a couple in front of the kids. She was hosting a chasan in her house who had a nervous breakdown on the wedding night. And it wasn't the first of his kind.

I took a chasidish kallah teacher for a few classes just to get a diverse hashkafa.
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clowny




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 7:15 am
In chasiddish circles hugging and kissing is not really done in front of the kids. And Imo I really don’t think that that’s what gives kids a sense of security. It’s the atmosphere in the home and behavior among the parents where kids can tell if parents love each other, And that’s what gives them a sense of security. Not hugging and kissing.
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amother




Hotpink
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 7:17 am
agree clowny 100%
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amother




Puce
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 7:18 am
We do.
My parents don't- because they don't actually like each other.
My in laws do.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 7:27 am
My parents did, and even though sometimes I thought it was silly, it made me feel good to know that they truly cared for each other. They made each other laugh a lot, and said "I love you" to each other a lot.

On the other hand, I never thought to compare it to parents who didn't touch, so I guess that doesn't matter much.

I was always affectionate in front of DD, but in appropriate ways. Nothing zexual for sure, just a hug or light kiss. Anything more than that will make a kid feel awkward, IMHO. Children have an natural sense of what is private, if you raise them with the right boundaries.

I never thought it was funny to make your kid go "ewwwww!" on purpose. That's just mean, and sends mixed messages to someone who is too young to understand, especially a preteen.
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lovingmommy3417




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 7:40 am
Not really but I want to. (Our kids are toddlers) I think its healthy. Like hugs and holding hands type things. My dh would never kiss in front of the kids. We both come from more modern homes and are close to families who dont believe in showing physical affection.
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amother




Orchid
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 7:40 am
I did grow up with showing physical affection - but the type of physical affection you show to your children, hugs, cuddles, kiss on the cheek, massages....
I do think overtly s-xual touch is inappropriate and not tznuis- like a FF said nothinh that would make your preteen go "eeeww". I have seen couples who have very s-xual PDA's in public and I think that is a complete lack of tznuis, and damaging to kids. I have a friend who spent years in therapy because she was so traumatized by her parents having s-x while she was in the room. Obviously "f0replay" or very s-xual PDA isn't as bad but it is a lack of tznuis and kids don't want to see thier parents like that...
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amother




Mistyrose
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 7:52 am
When my husband and I hug, the kids all pile in for a hug too. They even shout family hug as they do it.
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little neshamala




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 7:54 am
Yeshivish.
Our Rav told us its healthy for the kids to see a normal ammount of physical affection between us, such as hugs and regular, non-intimate kisses. Just like we hug and kiss our children out of love, we do to each other as well.
Any real romantic kissing and upwards is obviously reserved for privacy.
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amother




Brunette
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 9:02 am
amother [ Puce ] wrote:
We do.
My parents don't- because they don't actually like each other.
My in laws do.


Same here, all of the above. Dh and I show one another affection the same way we show our children affection, though occasionally there is also a quick kiss on the lips.
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amother




White
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 9:12 am
Definitely hug and light kiss, silly dances and not so silly dances, sit with feet in the others lap, snuggle in bed and kids come in in the morn. After we bentch the kids Friday night we'll hold hands and 'bentch' each other. My kids seem to be comfortable with this. But honestly we don't do it for them we don't for us.
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amother




Chartreuse
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 9:47 am
I agree with you. I dont go for the non tznius idea. You are being loving and affectionate not s x u a l.
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amother




Periwinkle
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 10:04 am
WE do not.
M parents do not. I know they love each other because of how they relate to each other. I know my in laws love and respect each other bec of how the behave to each other
I hope DH and I model that behavior. That that we love and respect in speech and action so that physical expressions of love aren’t required to show them that.

(Our rav strongly holds any signs of expression of love in public is not allowed)

If kids require physical affection to know parents live each other then during niddah do they think you do not?
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amother




Brunette
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 10:22 am
amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:
WE do not.
M parents do not. I know they love each other because of how they relate to each other. I know my in laws love and respect each other bec of how the behave to each other
I hope DH and I model that behavior. That that we love and respect in speech and action so that physical expressions of love aren’t required to show them that.

(Our rav strongly holds any signs of expression of love in public is not allowed)

If kids require physical affection to know parents live each other then during niddah do they think you do not?


We are very makpid about not showing affection in public; however, inside our home in front of our children is not public.

Children don't need to see constant affection between parents. Obviously. The same way if I happen to have a conversation with my dh and we're not smiling they don't think we don't like each other. If it's something they see on a regular enough basis, it becomes the norm for them- that their parents love each other the way they love them.
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amother




Linen
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 10:39 am
We don't. I'd love to and sometimes do, but DH is very uncomfortable with it and I feel like kids seeing DH's discomfort is worse than not seeing any affection at all.
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little neshamala




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 11:46 am
amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:
WE do not.
M parents do not. I know they love each other because of how they relate to each other. I know my in laws love and respect each other bec of how the behave to each other
I hope DH and I model that behavior. That that we love and respect in speech and action so that physical expressions of love aren’t required to show them that.

(Our rav strongly holds any signs of expression of love in public is not allowed)

If kids require physical affection to know parents live each other then during niddah do they think you do not?


Our Rav also holds any physical affection in public is not allowed, and we are careful never to do so. But inside our home, with our children, is not public.

Regarding your nida question, the same can be answered about your children. If you happened not to give your child a hug or a kiss for 12 days, but continued being affectionate in other ways, do you think they all of a sudden would think you dont love them? Of course not. So then why bother giving them any physical affection at all?

Im bothered by the suggestion that physical affection between husband and wife must equal romance/s-xuality. If it is permissable and natural to give your child a hug, why would that same type of hug not be permissable to give your husband? There is nothing untzniusdik with behaving towards your husband the way you behave towards your kids


Last edited by little neshamala on Mon, Nov 02 2020, 11:52 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Bronze
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 11:50 am
When my husband gives me a kiss in front of my children, doesn't happen so often, he makes sure to kiss whichever(or all) child(ren) happens to be nearby!!
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little neshamala




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 02 2020, 11:52 am
amother [ Bronze ] wrote:
When my husband gives me a kiss in front of my children, doesn't happen so often, he makes sure to kiss whichever(or all) child(ren) happens to be nearby!!


Thats so cute!
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