Child’s Savings account

amother

Wed, Nov 04 2020, 12:19 pm

No idea where to post this.
So I feel like this can be a parenting Q or a halachic Q

I’m curious, for those who open savings accounts for their children and save money for them.
What is it being saved for?

I had no intention of where it should go.
It’s just there. Birthday money has gone into it gifted from others, etc...

Do children really own this money?
Stupid Q, but actually, do they?

What can I use it for?
What’s acceptable?

If we’re struggling and it helps keep a roof over our head can I use it?
If we’re struggling and need clothing can I use it?
Need help paying a cc bill can I use it?

My father had these accounts for us.
Because it was his intention that once we married we were cut off financially.

I on the other hand don’t want that.

I don’t want a savings account for them.

Sure I could invest in a college investment funds would be smart.

But I want to continue helping my children always. Even when they’re adults.

Can anyone understand my inner thoughts and battle with this?

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Nov 04 2020, 12:30 pm

We have savings accounts for our kids where we deposit their cash gifts. If they want to spend these funds while they are minors, we would probably only allow it subject to our approval. When they turn 18, any money will be theirs free and clear to do whatever they want.

BH we are not strained financially, so the question of needing their money has never come up. I would be very uncomfortable with that.

You can both keep the accounts intact and continue to help children in adulthood. It's not like you have to choose between the two.

amother

Khaki

Wed, Nov 04 2020, 12:31 pm

If you want to continue helping your children always, the best way to start is with keeping these accounts reserved just for them, and engraining that mindset for yourself, here and now.
Don't dip into it.

amother

Wed, Nov 04 2020, 12:38 pm

amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:

I’m a little confused, but if it’s their money, why would you use it? Isn’t that stealing?

I could be wrong
But no money is theirs halachicly or legally until theyre bas/ bar mitzvah, or 18

ETA or put into a fund account that you can’t touch and is theirs when they’re 18

amother

Wed, Nov 04 2020, 12:39 pm

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

I see it pointless.

I’d rather put it into an investment fund then.
Sitting money is pointless to us unless it’s there for emergencies or for use of bills and needs

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Nov 04 2020, 12:45 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I could be wrong
But no money is theirs halachicly or legally until theyre bas/ bar mitzvah, or 18

ETA or put into a fund account that you can’t touch and is theirs when they’re 18

Yeah, but morally...

amother

Wed, Nov 04 2020, 12:47 pm

I wanted to add, I do not come from a well rounded family who has their actions line well with what a parents love should look like.

My Q is surface level finances, but also much deeper.
I am asking for both answers as I genuinely don’t know at all what’s correct.

Thank you

amother

Khaki

Wed, Nov 04 2020, 12:48 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I see it pointless.

I’d rather put it into an investment fund then.
Sitting money is pointless to us unless it’s there for emergencies or for use of bills and needs

So do that in their name, if they're young, or if you check if that's ok with them.
Don't use it for emergencies, bills or needs.

amother

Wed, Nov 04 2020, 12:51 pm

amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:

Yeah, but morally...

I think it’s relative. It depends how you value money, how needed it is, and so many other circumstances.

amother

Wed, Nov 04 2020, 12:55 pm

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

So do that in their name, if they're young, or if you check if that's ok with them.
Don't use it for emergencies, bills or needs.

I am curious.

If someone can’t pay their mortgage, they’d first reach out to a Rav to gather money for help? Or use money they put in an account for their children that sits there? To put back later.

Does this money not count as an income?
Even to a Rav?

amother

White

Wed, Nov 04 2020, 1:09 pm

I opened a mutual fund account for all my kids when they were born. I put in money once a year. My oldest is 7 so all this money is my money not money that my kid made. I would love to Give it to my kids when they are adults but if I need it to make their wedding I would have no problem using it.

I think I would make a separate account with my kids own personal money from work bar mitzvas etc so if I do need to tap into the money I won’t feel bad about taking my kids money.

amother

Vermilion

Wed, Nov 04 2020, 1:14 pm

My parents made me and my siblings accounts and so far we have all used the money for down payments or college or other big expenses. My parents would NEVER take money out from our accounts. And my parents were not wealthy or comfortable by any standards.

I have friends whose parents "borrowed" money when they were tight and my friends were very resentful of this. I felt very bad for them.

asmileaday

Wed, Nov 04 2020, 1:16 pm

Quote:

My father had these accounts for us.
Because it was his intention that once we married we were cut off financially.

I on the other hand don’t want that.
...snip
I want to continue helping my children always. Even when they’re adults.

If you're so tight that you need to use their money to pay bills and clothing how do you think you'll be able to help them when they're adults?

amother

Lemon

Wed, Nov 04 2020, 1:27 pm

The accounts I open for my kids is my gift to them when they become adults, no questions asked. Some of it is monetary gifts we got when they were born that B"H we were able to manage without, some is Chanuka, bar mitzvah, birthday etc. gifts, and quite a lot is money we add when we have some extra now and then. Once it's theirs it's theirs--for grad school, a down payment on a house, their own retirement, a fancy car if that's their wish though I hope not, whatever.

amother

Cobalt

Wed, Nov 04 2020, 1:27 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I could be wrong
But no money is theirs halachicly or legally until theyre bas/ bar mitzvah, or 18

ETA or put into a fund account that you can’t touch and is theirs when they’re 18

Halachically, children own things, but it might be that they can't really give things away--this is why a child can't use an esrog before an adult--the ownership would transfer to the child, and the child can't give it back. Legally, children own what is in their name, but parents are allowed to make certain decisions on their behalf.

amother

Lilac

Wed, Nov 04 2020, 1:31 pm

We have 2 accounts for kids:

Their money - baby presents, bar mitzvah, birthday, Chanukah, earnings. I would never touch that money.

My savings for them: I put away a set amount of money monthly for each kid. That money is mine. Maybe I’ll use for yeshiva,college, weddings, support. Or whatever. That money I feel comfortable touching at any time

amother

Plum

Wed, Nov 04 2020, 1:37 pm

I earned a bit over 10 thousand as a girl and my father took it all.
I still can’t forgive him.
I do of course but whenever I think about it I get sad, I would never do that to my kids I don’t care if it’s legal or not.
I think his rational was that I’m living in their home and spending their money.
Still.
Op, keep your kids money in their own account and pretend it’s nonexistent.