Social anxiety | Imamother

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

Social anxiety

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amother

Fri, Nov 06 2020, 12:44 pm

My daughter just started high school where she's the only new one, with most of the girls knowing each other/having been together from before. She's having a hard time breaking into the crowd and feels lonely. I try to encourage her to reach out to girls after school but she doesn't want and feels anxoius. How can I give her tools to feel comf reaching out to her new classmates during/after school? She came home sad today saying she had no one to speak with at recess... Sad

oneofakind

Fri, Nov 06 2020, 12:53 pm

She needs to find other unattached girls and reach out to them. You can role play with her. Are there activities/chesed programs in school she can join?

amother

Bisque

Fri, Nov 06 2020, 12:57 pm

It’s great she opened up to you about it at this age, I would caution you to be generous in your empathy and not be too quick to jump to problem solving, or she will sense your anxiety, feed off it and clam up.

OOTforlife

Fri, Nov 06 2020, 1:09 pm

Are there any activities that she can join to meet girls in smaller groups or a less formal setting?

amother

Turquoise

Fri, Nov 06 2020, 1:17 pm

My OOT daughter had this issue when she joined a neighboring city's high school. They all grew up together and she and another boarder girl were the new kids. I explained to her that until they had shared experiences together, it was going to be hard to totally fit in. They were like sisters who lived together for so many years, and so many memories and fun times together that they would always talk about. They were inherently nice girls, and she already knew many of them from camp, etc. It just took time. Some times were easier than others, but as the months and years progressed she slowly felt a part of it. I'd say midway through 10th grade was when she totally felt comfortable.

amother

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 12:46 pm

So she mentioned to me over weekend that her grade is doing something and she has a position. She was just very unsure about the whole thing. I really encouraged her to take active part and will get to know more girls this way. Let's see what happens...

amother

Royalblue

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 2:44 pm

Is there a mecheneches that’s involved in the 9 th grade that you can reach out to? They often know a lot more than you’d think

With my dd when there were some social issues going on in her grade, I had a long talk wiTh the mechaneches of her grade. She was super helpful and the school really got involved to make the social atmosphere better for everyone.

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