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What’s fair to pay for taking my son to school daily?
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causemommysaid




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Nov 08 2020, 10:54 am
Since she declined money, I would get her a really nice gift Chanukah time, Purim time, and end of the year. Sort of like for teachers. Maybe gift cards or a beautiful fancy mishloach manos
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amother




Violet
 

Post  Sun, Nov 08 2020, 11:06 am
I would give a very generous gift card ($200-300) Chanukah time. So this way it’s a gift rather then payment and doesn’t cheapen what she is doing.
Either gift registry. Or just plain old visa gift card.
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amother




Blush
 

Post  Sun, Nov 08 2020, 11:11 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I’m giving up my aid in lieu - that’s the way Jackson works - because I get bussing in the afternoon

Oh I didn't know that. So then it's different.
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amother




Vermilion
 

Post  Sun, Nov 08 2020, 12:32 pm
When I drove to school and took other kids because I was going there anyways, I did not want people to pay me because then I would be obligated to take them everyday. A nice check or gift card once in a wile was very nice.

MAKING SOMEONE FEEL LIKE THEY ARE OBLIGATED OR IT IS NO BIG DEAL BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING THERE ANYWAY IS NOT ONLY MEAN BUT RICHUS
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sweet




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Nov 08 2020, 12:39 pm
I would definitely pay every week.

When I lived in a building and I would wait with my kids outside for the bus I always had a neighbor who would send me down her son every day so I should put him on the bus too, and she doesnt need to wait for the bus and everyday she wanted me to have her son for an hour and a half after school until she got home from work, 4 days a week)
She never offered to pay me and I felt used and abused..
And she always put me on the spot every time I told her its not working out for me.
After 2- 3 months I finally said no way.
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amother




Forestgreen
 

Post  Sun, Nov 08 2020, 1:09 pm
amother [ Wine ] wrote:
I live in Baltimore and the going rate to drive kids for pay to any of the schools is between 60-80 per child per direction per month for 5 days a week.



This.
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amother




Forestgreen
 

Post  Sun, Nov 08 2020, 1:10 pm
Beings to mind this week's Double take in Mishpacha.... Obviously different circumstances.
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Amarante




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Nov 08 2020, 1:13 pm
I agree with others that a really nice gift is appropriate.

I think many people would feel strange taking money in this situation especially since you do drive on Friday.

If I were driving a neighbor/friend's child in this circumstance, I would not accept payment and would decline if I were asked to accept payment but I would feel that a gift of some kind was appropriate. It wouldn't be that I was doing it for the gift but if the situations were reversed I would get the person nice gifts and so I try to treat people the way I would expect to be treated in similar circumstances.

Personally I think generic gift cards are better than gifts to a specific store or establishment. I have a number of specific gift cards that are sitting in my drawers unused.

However, a Visa gift card or an Amazon gift card can be used easily without having to think about it.
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cbg




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Nov 08 2020, 1:22 pm
amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:
I like the idea of a gas card
Or different gift card every 2 months
To restaurant, amazon or just a visa gift card
Even if she declines it’s the right thing to do
And please include a nice thank you card

Visa gift card this way she can decide where to spend it.
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amother




Papaya
 

Post  Sun, Nov 08 2020, 2:26 pm
Where I live OOT the going rate I was told Is $10 a day. For door to door pickup. (Maybe less for you because you are bringing to her)
Anyway, what matters is what the going rate is where you live.
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amother




Coral
 

Post  Sun, Nov 08 2020, 3:51 pm
sweet wrote:
I would definitely pay every week.

When I lived in a building and I would wait with my kids outside for the bus I always had a neighbor who would send me down her son every day so I should put him on the bus too, and she doesnt need to wait for the bus and everyday she wanted me to have her son for an hour and a half after school until she got home from work, 4 days a week)
She never offered to pay me and I felt used and abused..
And she always put me on the spot every time I told her its not working out for me.
After 2- 3 months I finally said no way.

Can't Believe It this is crazy!
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amother




Gold
 

Post  Sun, Nov 08 2020, 4:01 pm
amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:
Beings to mind this week's Double take in Mishpacha.... Obviously different circumstances.


OMG yes was thinknig the same thing!!! Is OP Adina??? I totally agreed with Malky and my husband took Adinas side! What a great one!
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Nov 08 2020, 4:06 pm
amother [ Gold ] wrote:
OMG yes was thinknig the same thing!!! Is OP Adina??? I totally agreed with Malky and my husband took Adinas side! What a great one!


No I’m a normal regular understanding person not looking to take advantage of anyone, and therefore asking what the rate is. I also take Fridays when she doesn’t drive and when she’s off from work (legal holidays, sick days etc)
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amother




Sienna
 

Post  Sun, Nov 08 2020, 4:12 pm
Driving 1x a week still isn't equivalent to 4x. Can you use venmo to send her money weekly or monthly? (Nicer than just handing her cash.)
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shanie5




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Nov 08 2020, 5:07 pm
I think the gas card idea is a good one.

I wouldn't want payment either. It then becomes an obligatin as opposed to a chessed for the driver.

For those saying op should "pay" for 4 days, its 3 days she should pay for. Day 4 is paid in return by her driving day 5.
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amother




Blush
 

Post  Sun, Nov 08 2020, 5:23 pm
shanie5 wrote:
For those saying op should "pay" for 4 days, its 3 days she should pay for. Day 4 is paid in return by her driving day 5.


Lol I'm the one who said she should pay 4/5 days. I realized after that I should've said 3 of 5 because of what you said
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amother




Slategray
 

Post  Sun, Nov 08 2020, 6:16 pm
Have a similar quandary op.
Curious though to poster who mentioned $1000 towards transportation? Is that the moms cheshbon or something related to school/taxes bussing?
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ExtraCredit




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Nov 08 2020, 6:28 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
No I’m a normal regular understanding person not looking to take advantage of anyone, and therefore asking what the rate is. I also take Fridays when she doesn’t drive and when she’s off from work (legal holidays, sick days etc)

You actually sound very menchlich and very obviously not looking to take advantage otherwise you wouldn’t open this thread. I vote for a gift card vs. paying in cash because:
1-she clearly said she doesn’t want you to pay her
2-she’ll feel obligated to do it on days that she doesn’t work. If you pay, how will you calculate every holiday or her sick days?
3- you take Friday so she’ll feel like she owes you change for that.
A gift card on Chanukah, Purim and end of year is very appropriate!
Btw I’m the recipient of a similar type of favor (not transportation but something else that “costs nothing” for the giver but is a huge favor for me). I told her in the beginning that I’d feel so much better if I pay but she adamantly refused money. I bought (exchangeable) expensive gifts equaling the amount I felt fair to pay. She wouldn’t even accept a gift card. Too similar to money. A gift a few times a year was most appropriate in my case.
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