Life is not fair ir equal

small bean

Sun, Nov 08 2020, 9:18 am

I was wondering how important it is to uou to teach your kids that life is not fair or equal? Do you live your life acceptong your lot or looking over your shoulder?

I was giving 3 of my sons a pack of circle cards this morning. 2 out of the 3 packages had a red ruby card, which is supposedly the best card. My son who did not get one, was really upset and told me his friends motgers make sure that their kids get the goid cards evenly. I thought that was terrible parenting. Why are they trying to create a sense of fairness?

I hope when my kids are adults they will not be looking over their shoulder. They will not think life has to be fair.

Genius

Sun, Nov 08 2020, 9:24 am

I always used to tell my students. Life is fair. Fair is not equal.
Mothers like to make sure that their children have no grief, that only awesome things happen to them. What happens in the process is that they rob their children of the little things (because how does it really matter?) that could’ve been learning experiences, and then when the big disappointments inevitably show up these people fall apart.

allthingsblue

Sun, Nov 08 2020, 9:27 am

Can I hijack your thread to ask where I can buy Circle cards? Do I need to buy the Circle magazine or is there a way to purchase them separately?

Genius

Sun, Nov 08 2020, 9:29 am

allthingsblue wrote:

Can I hijack your thread to ask where I can buy Circle cards? Do I need to buy the Circle magazine or is there a way to purchase them separately?

small bean

Sun, Nov 08 2020, 9:29 am

allthingsblue wrote:

Can I hijack your thread to ask where I can buy Circle cards? Do I need to buy the Circle magazine or is there a way to purchase them separately?

Sure. You don't need the circle. Yiu can get them in grocery stores, toy stores, seforim stores. They are usually at the register. 4 cards in a pack for $1.50.

small bean

Sun, Nov 08 2020, 9:30 am

Genius wrote:

That's what I wonder. How will kids be happy successful adults if they need everything to be equal? How will they not fall apart when they realize life isn't equal.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Nov 08 2020, 9:30 am

When you are always fixing everything for your kids they have no opportunity to develop resilience. Absolutely empathize with his disappointment, but in this case it's healthy for him to experience it, as hard as it is for both of you.

leah233

Sun, Nov 08 2020, 9:32 am

I'm a strong believer that everyone has to understand that life is not fair or equal but parents have to be fair and equal.

If parents are giving something out to young children either they should make sure to be equal or in the case of a closed item where they can't control it the children should be warned in advance that everyone will get what they get and it may not be equal

Genius

Sun, Nov 08 2020, 9:32 am

small bean wrote:

That's what I wonder. How will kids be happy successful adults if they need everything to be equal? How will they not fall apart when they realize life isn't equal.

In the mothers defense it’s so much easier to just change it than having to deal with a tantrum

happy chick

Sun, Nov 08 2020, 9:33 am

Yes, we def should be teaching out children that life is not always fair. Obviously, when things are up to us, such as giving out candy, each one gets the same. But it doesn't always apply.
However, we can teach all we want but its a personality type. Some children will lalywas be jealous of the next one and some will naturally he happy for someone else.
Other than setting a good example and using teachable moments, there's really not much else we can do to change the nature of a person.

Genius

Sun, Nov 08 2020, 9:34 am

leah233 wrote:

Sometimes one child needs more than their siblings. Giving them the same as their siblings only because they were born to the same parents wouldn’t be fair either. Life isn’t black and white.

small bean

Sun, Nov 08 2020, 9:35 am

amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:

That's what I want to discuss people preventing that growth.

small bean

Sun, Nov 08 2020, 9:41 am

leah233 wrote:

Why do parents have to be fair and equal? Does this only apply to young kids? What about to their married kids?

I'm not fair or equal with my kids. Everyone gets what they get. Everyone gets different things. Even my time is not distributed equally.

small bean

Sun, Nov 08 2020, 9:48 am

DrMom wrote:

What are Circle Cards?

There's a kids magazine called the circle. They have these cards that the kids collect. Each card features a diffent topic that was written about and some facts about the topic. The kids collect them like baseball cards. They all have different values. Honeslty, I don't really get it.

amother

Beige

Sun, Nov 08 2020, 9:48 am

Some children are definitely more sensitive to “fair” than others. I have one who is always counting and comparing what she gets against others. So while I try to keep things even when possible, there are just too many times that she’s upset because it’s not “fair.” I tell her that life’s not always fair, and that sometimes she gets things that others don’t.

I hope this personality trait doesn’t carry on through adulthood, because it could make her miserable.

Twinster

Sun, Nov 08 2020, 9:51 am

Genius wrote:

Giving them the same as their siblings only because they were born to the same parents wouldn’t be fair either.

Agree. Being equal often results in unfairness.

allthingsblue

Sun, Nov 08 2020, 9:52 am

small bean wrote:

Sure. You don't need the circle. Yiu can get them in grocery stores, toy stores, seforim stores. They are usually at the register. 4 cards in a pack for $1.50.

Thank you! You made my child's day.
In answer to your question: I never had this conversation outright with my kids but they do see that each of them get different things in different amounts depending on their needs. I'm not the type of person who buys two of everything so each kid can have. I'd rather they learn to share.

small bean

Sun, Nov 08 2020, 9:52 am

I agree that there are kids who are more sensitive, but it's out jobs as their parents not to cushion that trait, but let them face it before they become adults.