My 4 year old wakes me up

amother

Rose

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 12:34 pm

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

No you don’t.
Show her how to do it herself, and put everything in her reach.

Not if I want it done properly. Not if I want her teeth properly brushed and the remnants of toothpaste washed off her face. Not if I want her shirt tucked in and her hair pulled back. Plus I’d never consider sleeping in while my young child is left to get herself ready alone. I have a newborn following a c. I’m exhausted and I’m pain. That’s not my young child’s problem. I can try to rest once she’s in school but when she’s home she needs me present.

Blessing1

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 12:34 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

I don't see why everyone here is so concerned. I know many people who have had kids who wake up at 5 or 6 am. A 4 year can learn to entertain themselves and how to get a yogurt and not burn down the house. There's also a 9 year old OP said.

Do you honestly think ANYONE who has kids who get up at 5 or 6am also do?

Most kids that wake up at 5 or 6, don't get themselves ready for school while mom sleeps. Mom gets up on time to get them ready for school.
The issue here is that the child gets ready for school all by herself while mom & dad are sleeping and mom gets up just in time to see her out. This is not fair to the child. A 4 year old shouldn't be getting ready for school all alone. OP also needs to nap during the day. If the child is waking up mom, she obviously needs her mom.

LovesHashem

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 12:54 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

When do children leave for school nowadays? Maybe OP can wake up 20 minutes before she has to leave to help her out.

amother

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 12:56 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

When do children leave for school nowadays? Maybe OP can wake up 20 minutes before she has to leave to help her out.

I wake up about 45 minutes before I send her out. The dressing thing is only thay jf she WANTS to dress herself she can.

Blessing1

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 1:07 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I wake up about 45 minutes before I send her out. The dressing thing is only thay jf she WANTS to dress herself she can.

And till then she's left to do as she pleases? Young kids shouldn't be up alone while both parents are asleep. She needs to know that she has someone to go to. She obviously needs a parent up with her, so you need to come up with a solution. Would she be happy reading or playing in your room?

amother

Amber

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 1:15 pm

amother [ Rose ] wrote:

I’m not advocating for letting a child babysit another child. Or themselves.
What I am saying is that your 4 year old can do all of these things perfectly. Teach her how to do it. It’ll take a few days to get it perfect, but it’s way better for both of you in the end.
My 4 year old has been serving himself breakfast and snack since before he turned 2. And he cleans up after himself perfectly.
He brushes his teeth and puts everything away.
He dresses himself and puts his pajamas in the hamper. He even neatly tucks in his tzitzis.

amother

Rose

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 1:27 pm

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

What I’m saying is that I don’t think this is admirable. Or ideal. Or something to strive for. But as they say, you do you. I’m glad you created a system that works for you.

going-up

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 1:45 pm

I don't see the problem with a 4 year old child playing themselves for a short while. If she is getting her mothers full attention for a fair amount of time before and after school. Reward her positively when she is patient and doesn't wake you up until a certain time. But, also don't expect too much from her. 45 mins of solo playing at that age is alot, keep your expectations realistic.

amother

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 2:03 pm

going-up wrote:

Thanks for the practical advice. Exactly what I've been looking for. Can you give more detail?

amother

Amber

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 2:06 pm

amother [ Rose ] wrote:

What I’m saying is that I don’t think this is admirable. Or ideal. Or something to strive for. But as they say, you do you. I’m glad you created a system that works for you.

Right back atcha.
But also you don’t have to be so quick to say that she CANT. Because she actually can.

LovesHashem

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 2:08 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I wake up about 45 minutes before I send her out. The dressing thing is only thay jf she WANTS to dress herself she can.

That sounds amazing to me! People what if your child woke u at 4.50 am? You honestly would get up every day then?

Or 6am even? Of course she can play alone be yes you need to be realistic she is four and will wake you up. And unfortunately that is just part of life until she grows older.

Maybe speak to your child's doctor why she wakes up so early and what you can do about it.

Does she nap during the day?

avrahamama

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 2:13 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I wake up about 45 minutes before I send her out. The dressing thing is only thay jf she WANTS to dress herself she can.

This sounds reasonable. And also sounds like she has some great skills in place.

It's not like you're still in bed as she leaves for school. You're just not up at the same time as her. It's fine. Seriously.

My 3 yr old wakes up and dresses and washes netillat on his own. Because he can. He would try to pour himself cereal and milk if I let ...

I'm there if he needs me. But he doesn't.

going-up

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 2:14 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thanks for the practical advice. Exactly what I've been looking for. Can you give more detail?

Does she know how to read numbers? If yes, you can tell her until you see a 7, 3 and a 0 (or earlier time, depending on when she wakes up, it should be reasonable and not too much time that she won't succeed.) She should not wake you up. If she manages she gets to play a quick 10 min game with you afterwards/you read her a story or some other mommy time activity. If she does wake you up before that, don't give her any negative attention, still be welcoming and talkative but she doesn't get said activity. If she can't read numbers, you can set an alarm clock for her. Remember keep expectations low so that she doesn't fail. Make sure the minutes just before she leaves for school and right after she comes home you are smiling, making eye contact and give her the feeling you are happy to see her.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 2:15 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Why am I not surprised at the responses? Sad

What did you expect people were going to respond with, that you should just let her be unsupervised? If another child is there or a spouse or a babysitter, lock your bedroom door and nap. If there is nobody else there able to be with your child, you cant just fall asleep, 4 is too young to be left alone. I am sorry you are not well. Please, get a sitter or make a plan with another adult or another older child so that you can recover.

avrahamama

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 2:15 pm

amother [ Rose ] wrote:

What I’m saying is that I don’t think this is admirable. Or ideal. Or something to strive for. But as they say, you do you. I’m glad you created a system that works for you.

Since when is basic life skills not something to strive for. You can still be a present parent while letting children assert their independence.

tymama

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 2:18 pm

I had CMV before I had kids and can’t imagine having to look after a 4 yo while completely exhausted. I don’t think people responding know what tired from CMV feels like. It’s unlike anything else. I don’t have any advice but I feel for you

Blessing1

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 2:22 pm

tymama wrote:

I had mono when I was home all day alone with 2 babies. I didn't just shrug my shoulders and say "too bad I'm sick" and leave my kids unsupervised. I reached out for help and made sure they're taken care of.
OP also mentioned that her DH sleeps in the morning while her DD has to fend for herself. I find that unacceptable.

Last edited by Blessing1 on Mon, Nov 09 2020, 2:32 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 2:24 pm

going-up wrote:

Spending time with me is not a reward for her...can try but doubt it will work. Any time ive tried it hasnt worked. And I cant really ignore her once I am up...Yes, I have taught her to tell time. She also has an alarm clock that lights up when she can get out of bed but since I have no energy to enforce it she doesn't listen to it...I have made her a chart in the past but it didn't stick.

amother

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 2:26 pm

tymama wrote:

Thank you for your kind words. Not really taking the hurtful comments to heart. I know that they don't know...

going-up

Mon, Nov 09 2020, 2:29 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm not talking about an alarm clock for when she can get out of bed. She can get out of bed whenever she feels like, just not wake you up until the alarm lights up. I am not telling you to c'v ignore her if she does wake you up, she just doesn't get the reward. The reward is not just spending time with mommy, it should be doing an activity she enjoys together with mommy. Does she enjoy play dough? Playing memory with you? Puzzles? When you read her a story? And you don't choose a different activity every day, you decide before hand what the set activity will be. When she seems bored of that activity, switch it in advance. Keep your word and don't bargain with her. Keep it simple.