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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Nov 10 2020, 6:12 am
My ds 15 started to work out every day. He goes to gym after yeshiva, he loves working out. (He is bh well and energized kind of boy)
His yeshiva did discuss with us that sending him to a gym would be beneficial for him. Problem is that there is only mixed gyms where I live. His chuvrusa claims that he is a trusted, capable, mature , kid and I dont need to worry and I know it. Just I still feel uncomfortable knowing that he goes to a mix gym . He is there every day for 3/4 hour and me or my husband picks him up straight when he finishes. He is the type to just work out and do what he needs to and leave . My question is if it's very wrong to send a 15 year old to a mix gym? I know its important to my son to work out , I just feel confused with this mhalach of sending him if its mixed . My husband is not the deepest type of person, and he usually goes with the flow . If yeshiva reached out that it was something good to child, my husband would just go with what is told, and I in the other hand am feeling uncomfortable.

I would love to hear inputs please. Thanks!
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flmommy




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 10 2020, 6:14 am
Wouldn’t be my first choice but based on the school saying he needs it and his chavrusa approving it, it sounds like the best option. Is there space for a home gym? Anyone live in an apartment complex with a small gym you could let him use?
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 10 2020, 6:21 am
While it may no be your ideal situation, I remember growing up, I wanted to go to a gym and the only one in our area was mixed. I got there and who was the first person I saw? None other than a big rabbi in the community. He had lost a LOT of weight and was literally just there for the exercise.
My point? If it is beneficial for him, why not see how it goes?
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amother




Purple
 

Post  Tue, Nov 10 2020, 6:31 am
So I have a 15 year old too and as much as we couldn't afford expensive equipment, we slowly buy stuff for him. He started out with a kickboxing stand and gloves. DH gave him weights from when he was a teen. We recently bought an elliptical that is a bike too. Now we found a treadmill for a good price. Nothing major, a very cute small one that folds. Also some dvd's on mixed martial arts. I had actually contacted the producer of the dvds to make sure I'm buying ones that feature men only or worst case modestly dressed women (fully covered in a t-shirt and pants, no tanks and shorts).
He also wanted to go to a gym and we told him we would make a gym at home. It's a very healthy outlet.

ETA: he took over my laundry room/guest room. He wanted his own room and I was ok with it as long as I have access to the washer and dryer and he knows when we have guest he will reorganize the room with his equipment to accommodate two beds.
It's taking some getting used to. That room was my escape room I was able to use anytime day or night when I needed some peace and quiet.
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aimhabanim




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 10 2020, 8:07 am
I personally would not be comfortable with my teenage DS in such a place. If you can figure out a way for him to get what he needs someplace else I think that would be better. I also think it is a question to ask a rav preferably one who knows you and your son. Wishing you tons of nachas andHatzlacha!!!
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 10 2020, 8:12 am
amother [ Purple ] wrote:
So I have a 15 year old too and as much as we couldn't afford expensive equipment, we slowly buy stuff for him. He started out with a kickboxing stand and gloves. DH gave him weights from when he was a teen. We recently bought an elliptical that is a bike too. Now we found a treadmill for a good price. Nothing major, a very cute small one that folds. Also some dvd's on mixed martial arts. I had actually contacted the producer of the dvds to make sure I'm buying ones that feature men only or worst case modestly dressed women (fully covered in a t-shirt and pants, no tanks and shorts).
He also wanted to go to a gym and we told him we would make a gym at home. It's a very healthy outlet.

ETA: he took over my laundry room/guest room. He wanted his own room and I was ok with it as long as I have access to the washer and dryer and he knows when we have guest he will reorganize the room with his equipment to accommodate two beds.
It's taking some getting used to. That room was my escape room I was able to use anytime day or night when I needed some peace and quiet.


Purple, I am so impressed! You really go above and beyond to give your son a kosher outlet (and his much needed personal space) at the expense of your own. What an amazing mother! Applause Salut Thumbs Up
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salt




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Nov 11 2020, 6:24 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My ds 15 started to work out every day. He goes to gym after yeshiva, he loves working out. (He is bh well and energized kind of boy)
His yeshiva did discuss with us that sending him to a gym would be beneficial for him. Problem is that there is only mixed gyms where I live. His chuvrusa claims that he is a trusted, capable, mature , kid and I dont need to worry and I know it. Just I still feel uncomfortable knowing that he goes to a mix gym . He is there every day for 3/4 hour and me or my husband picks him up straight when he finishes. He is the type to just work out and do what he needs to and leave . My question is if it's very wrong to send a 15 year old to a mix gym? I know its important to my son to work out , I just feel confused with this mhalach of sending him if its mixed . My husband is not the deepest type of person, and he usually goes with the flow . If yeshiva reached out that it was something good to child, my husband would just go with what is told, and I in the other hand am feeling uncomfortable.

I would love to hear inputs please. Thanks!


I wouldn't. Not that I'd be worried that he'd walk off with one of the girls there, but he is being exposed to women in tank tops and shorts every day. Right under his nose. It is not allowed, according to halacha.
(it's not the same as going to the supermarket, where he might happend to pass by a scantily dressed woman - this is all in the same room together. It's almost like mixed swimming, depending on how little the women are wearing).

He is a teenager. He'll could well be thinking about them the next day when he's trying to learn gemara.

ETA - just adding, as I didn't want to just add a 'no' opinion, without a positive alternative.
Excercise bikes /equipment at home, is a good alternative.
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amother




Yellow
 

Post  Wed, Nov 11 2020, 8:04 am
This age boys have raging hormones and the images of what he sees will stay in his head forever! Images he will dream And fantasize of each night! the sight of a women’s boobs bouncing while she’s in a treadmill, her tight body, etc Then he’ll start dating and Want a girl that looks like that! What if he becomes friendly with somebody there, male or female? Really dangerous stuff here! This can definitely lead to other stuff.
Buy him some equipment in your house
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amother




Amethyst
 

Post  Wed, Nov 11 2020, 8:42 am
Wearing a sports bra And yoga pants at the gym is pretty common. So, for a boy that age- HELL No!
Speak to his yeshiva again about this, they may have had something else in mind.
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amother




Chartreuse
 

Post  Wed, Nov 11 2020, 8:53 am
amother [ Yellow ] wrote:
This age boys have raging hormones and the images of what he sees will stay in his head forever! Images he will dream And fantasize of each night! the sight of a women’s boobs bouncing while she’s in a treadmill, her tight body, etc Then he’ll start dating and Want a girl that looks like that! What if he becomes friendly with somebody there, male or female? Really dangerous stuff here! This can definitely lead to other stuff.
Buy him some equipment in your house


Wow, you have a really vivid imagination there.

Please, has anyone here actually been to a real-life mixed gym? Its nothing like you imagine. Full of very out of shape, middle aged people trying to mind their own business. He is more likely to get a view of scantily clad women at the grocery store.

Let him go if he needs to. For heaven's sake!!!
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Nov 11 2020, 9:00 am
amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:
Wow, you have a really vivid imagination there.

Please, has anyone here actually been to a real-life mixed gym? Its nothing like you imagine. Full of very out of shape, middle aged people trying to mind their own business. He is more likely to get a view of scantily clad women at the grocery store.

Let him go if he needs to. For heaven's sake!!!


Seriously, I'm starting to wonder who exactly has the raging hormones around here, the boy or the posters who are chiming in with dire warnings!

Do any of you allow your male offspring to leave the house? Are they blindfolded between home and yeshiva, and back again? Kept in the basement with blackout curtains?

Teach your boys to guard their eyes, to not objectify women, and to treat women with the same respect and dignity that they would give their rebbe. Then maybe society will improve for everyone.

If anyone says that boys are animals and can't help it and G-d made them that way... I am going to SCREAM. Mad
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amother




Lavender
 

Post  Wed, Nov 11 2020, 9:35 am
Mom's intuition is the best judge. Your title reads that you feel unsure. Obviously you’re not very comfortable with your 15 YO DS doing exercise together with ladies in gym clothes. I wouldn’t either. I’d make it a priority to invest in exercise equipment to use at home. Or pool some money together with 2-3 friends and have them do it together either in your house or theirs. Like others said, it’s not the same as sending him to the supermarket it’s more like sending him to a mixed beach.
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queen esther




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Nov 11 2020, 9:39 am
Wow, I'm surprised this turned so passionate....I tend to side with those that say not a good idea. I don't think it's alarmist or sign of too vivid of an imagination to be concerned about the women working out. IMO, it's not the same as grocery store at all! There is definitely more of a chance of being right near women in tight minimal clothing, and yes, running and bouncing and sweating etc. Of course some will be frumpy lumpy 30-40-50 yr old tired mommies and grandmas, but some can be otherwise and I don't think it's in same category as walking down street at all. And I don't think it's about boys "not being able to control themselves"... It's putting a vulnerable teenager in a situation that can be challenging and possibly detrimental. HOWEVER, to OP, I don't know what I'd do in your situation, I'm assuming there is no separate gender workout facility available, and if I felt my son needed it maybe I would allow him to go, maybe depends how crowded it is that time of day, how big a space, can he usually find his own corner, etc. It's easy for me and others to preach opinions, and I think I would feel uncomfortable like you say you are, but practically I don't know what I'd decide! Home equipment can help somewhat but expensive and not always practical or as motivating.
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amother




Periwinkle
 

Post  Wed, Nov 11 2020, 9:40 am
aimhabanim wrote:
I personally would not be comfortable with my teenage DS in such a place. If you can figure out a way for him to get what he needs someplace else I think that would be better. I also think it is a question to ask a rav preferably one who knows you and your son. Wishing you tons of nachas andHatzlacha!!!


Same. My wonderful dh, who was once upon a time a 15 year old boy, would not go for it either. I doubt this is what the yeshiva had in mind when they said he should work out. There's a hug difference between a mature adult working out in a mixed setting, and a teenage boy doing so. Anyone who doesn't see the difference can enjoy the warm sand covering their head 😜
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amother




Blonde
 

Post  Wed, Nov 11 2020, 9:40 am
amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:
Wow, you have a really vivid imagination there.

Please, has anyone here actually been to a real-life mixed gym? Its nothing like you imagine. Full of very out of shape, middle aged people trying to mind their own business. He is more likely to get a view of scantily clad women at the grocery store.

Let him go if he needs to. For heaven's sake!!!


This really depends on where you live. In an older community yes, you are right. But if you live in a college town the gym would look very different.

My husband would never let my son go to a mixed gym around here and would call me naive if I thought it was ok!
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behappy2




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Nov 11 2020, 10:29 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
Seriously, I'm starting to wonder who exactly has the raging hormones around here, the boy or the posters who are chiming in with dire warnings!

Do any of you allow your male offspring to leave the house? Are they blindfolded between home and yeshiva, and back again? Kept in the basement with blackout curtains?

Teach your boys to guard their eyes, to not objectify women, and to treat women with the same respect and dignity that they would give their rebbe. Then maybe society will improve for everyone.

If anyone says that boys are animals and can't help it and G-d made them that way... I am going to SCREAM. Mad


You can't compare men and boys. And just bec they arent animsls doesn't mean they don't get affected.
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amother




Lime
 

Post  Wed, Nov 11 2020, 10:36 am
amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:
Wow, you have a really vivid imagination there.

Please, has anyone here actually been to a real-life mixed gym? Its nothing like you imagine. Full of very out of shape, middle aged people trying to mind their own business. He is more likely to get a view of scantily clad women at the grocery store.

Let him go if he needs to. For heaven's sake!!!


The gym in my town is full of gorgeous well dressed happy and horny people.

I can't go near it.

OP do you have space for things? My Chinese neighbors made a tent in their yard with weight etc for their teen boys.

A pull up bar on his doorframe. The local public school track for running.

Now there are some smaller more bare bones gyms for the very serious people.

Also might be nice to hire a crossfit trainer for your son and a group of friends.
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ladYdI




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Nov 11 2020, 11:40 am
I live in Brooklyn and attend an all women’s gym. For many women it’s a part of their Daily/weekly routine and a place to socialize. The women look really s-xy and it’s competition who looks and dresses best!
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amother




Aqua
 

Post  Wed, Nov 11 2020, 12:04 pm
Maybe you can work out some precautions that will mitigate your concerns. There may be certain times of day when the gym is less crowded or more used by men than women. Or he may choose to use only the machines and equipment that face a window or wall. Headphones might reduce distraction.

Also, even if your community only has mixed gyms, some "mixed" gyms are overwhelmingly male in practice due to various factors.
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amother




Amethyst
 

Post  Wed, Nov 11 2020, 12:29 pm
amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:
Wow, you have a really vivid imagination there.

Please, has anyone here actually been to a real-life mixed gym? Its nothing like you imagine. Full of very out of shape, middle aged people trying to mind their own business. He is more likely to get a view of scantily clad women at the grocery store.

Let him go if he needs to. For heaven's sake!!!
I’m a seasoned gym goer. One of the things I always find interesting is how most of the people there are very in shape! I’m always wondering- where are the people who REALLY need it? It’s unusual to see someone as you described above. Also, I love watching the cheerleaders work out from the corner of my eye - Man they are STRONG! - and I’m as straight as it gets. (We live near a college)
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