Chizzuk for deciding not to nurse

amother

Gold

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 6:46 pm

lamplighter wrote:

I formula feed my babies. I thought Id get some support for a very hard choice I needed to make.
And now Im in tears. Newly postpartum. Hormonal. And all my feelings of guilt and shame reawakened. Thanks for that guys.
Why can't you just stay in your lane. Keep the patronizing posts on a thread about chizuk for breastfeeding.

I wish I’d formula fed. I had too much guilt to do it to my babies and I killed myself instead. Ignore those that don’t get it. Much better than running yourself into the ground the way I did.

thunderstorm

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 6:52 pm

My biggest mistake was bowing to outside pressure and for attempting to nurse my last child.
It was a disaster from day one, yet I felt too guilty to stop.
I cried throughout each feeding. I spent money on La Leche League people to come help me. My baby kept losing weight. And my nipples were torn to shreds and caused permanent nerve damage.
At 4 weeks my DH , sister and mother intervened and had me quit. They knew that I was not myself. I quit nursing and I no longer cried. I felt like myself again. I was able to sleep at night because baby was finally full and content. Baby gained weight nicely ever since. She ka”h was always advanced in development and I regret that I spent four weeks of torture just because I was pressured by people that enjoy breastfeeding and think breast is best.....fake news!
(I breastfed my other kids, so it’s not like I’ve never tried it).

avrahamama

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 6:59 pm

I can't remember if I mentioned this. But my mom was young and alone in a new country. She didn't produce milk and didn't know about formula.

Soooo guess what I grew up on from day 1??? Whole cow's milk!

And you know what? From what you all know of me on this site... I'm a decent speller and can construct a decent sentence. I also know how to use emojis 🤪

And BAH I can eat anything.

southernbubby

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 9:14 pm

Most of my generation was bottle fed and have BH reached old age. I have known breastfed babies who nearly starved to death so even though that's usually not the case, it isn't always the best solution. Breastfeeding is great for those who can do it but the decision is up to the mother and sometimes both parents because I have known where a husband needed his wife not to be constantly either pregnant or breastfeeding. Nobody should feel guilty if they choose formula because it's not always a simple thing.

amother

Beige

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 9:18 pm

avrahamama wrote:

(I know this was not your point, but this is why anecdotes do not prove the safety of something. I think it's pretty much universally agreed to be risky to feed an infant cow's milk. Of course not everyone who does so will suffer, case in point being you, but that doesn't make it a good choice. Formula is miles ahead of cow's milk, but even though many thrive on it, it is still not as beneficial as a mother's own milk, which is made especially for infants by Hashem.)

Mommyg8

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 9:34 pm

southernbubby wrote:

I was waiting for this comment. Practically all babies in the 1950's were formula fed, and the formula was not as spectacularly engineered as it is today either. And I think they all turned out fine Very Happy

. Right SouthernBubby?

amother

Denim

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 9:49 pm

When my first child was born (over three decades ago), I had a strong aversion to nursing, and my pediatrician said, “I could convince you to do it - but if you really don’t want to - it’s not worth it.” B”H all of my (mostly grown) children are smart, healthy, and metzuyanim in every sense of the word, and they do not appear to have suffered from any harm due to being bottle-fed (as I was myself).

We are fortunate that these days we have excellent formula that is nourishing for infants. Nursing is great - if it works for you, but formula feeding is a valid choice - if not.

southernbubby

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 10:16 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

. Right SouthernBubby?

Exactly! As we said as kids, "we are great, great are we, we're the class of '73".

amother

Orchid

Tue, Nov 10 2020, 10:35 pm

Here I am, had a baby a few days ago and was so nervous about the nursing. Once I had her I couldn't see myself not nurse . I feel such a special bond and live towards me and baby . BUT I'm definitely doing both , formula and breastfeeding. I dont know how long though the breastfeeding will take since I'm terribly weak , and it does take a lot of strength out of me . I'm happy that I started getting my baby used to bottles in case in the long term it doesn't work out . I would first go for alternative but whatever works for you you do! GL

amother

Olive

Wed, Nov 11 2020, 12:33 am

amother [ Linen ] wrote:

Regret is a strong word. I doubt any sane mom would regret the method of feeding her baby.

I just read through all 6 pages of this post and sincerely hope you have changed your mind about that. Why in the world can't a sane mom regret the method of feeding her baby? A mother who never tried nursing may regret not trying and a mother who pushed herself too hard to nurse may regret not changing over to bottles sooner, if at all. People have regrets all the time and it's normal! I chose to nurse my son even though he had a hard time latching and needed a shield at every feeding until 5 months... I regret not switching for formula to make it easier for myself, even though after 5 months he gave me no more issues and we nursed successfully for 11 months. I am allowed to have regrets for choosing to continue. I was scared to wean so early and not lose my baby weight, scared of my period coming back so soon, scared I'd feel guilty if I stopped because what if it gets better... And it did get better. And I still regret not stopping sooner. Sue me. I did nurse my 2nd who gave me a hard time too but I was more prepared for the issues that came up again and still... I regret not bottle feeding. What does that tell me? Next baby, bottle feed! But to tell a mother she can't regret how she chose to feed her baby? So many people wrote about regretting their choice so it's not only me.

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Nov 11 2020, 2:24 am

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

Make sure you give your baby a bottle every day so she stays used to it! I learned this the hard way.

amother

Slateblue

Sat, Nov 14 2020, 11:26 am

GLUE wrote:

Did you know that there were a few studies to see if Brest fed Baby's had a higher IQ then Formula,the only study that found a difference was in Bulgaria? There they found that Brest fed baby's had a ground total of 6 points more then formula fed baby's.

It is a myth that nursing is free look at all cost related to nursing, such as reduced wages and you will see that it is not free

Those six points, unless your IQ is over 130, represent a difference in earning class and are a detrrmining factor in a child's future.

I can't believe I even have to explain this.

(Also, other studies have found the difference to be a full standard deviation.)

Raisin

Sat, Nov 14 2020, 2:18 pm

If nursing is hard for you and makes you miserable, then don't do it. But if you are a first time mother who has not tried nursing yet and is scared off by this thread, I just want you know that nursing my babies was one of the most wonderful, positive experiences ever. It was way easier then bottles for me and I just really enojoyed it. I probably could have made my life easier by giving an occasional bottle of formula (I expressed milk instead) and I think that is an excellent option for those who find EBF too difficult.

I am aware that I am bh extremely lucky that I had milk, my babies were able to nurse and I had no major difficulties. It hurt a bit for about 3 weeks each time and then my nipples toughned up and it was bliss.

obviously everyones circumstances are different but I think nursing is definitely something people should try.

My feelings reading this thread are sadness that all women don't get to experience this. And if it is because they didn't even try because they are convinced that nursing is difficult or makes you miserable, I want to assure that this is not always the case.

southernbubby

Sat, Nov 14 2020, 6:54 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

As was said before, my generation was bottle fed and the Ivy league colleges didn't close. Yale University was established when the US was still under British rule as were several other colleges and they were not affected by the advent of formula.
Maybe I would have been smarter if I had been fed breast but DH never had any trouble with intelligence and he was also formula fed. Breastfeeding is wonderful and great but we can also be grateful that alternatives exist because life isn't black and white.

amother

Brunette

Sat, Nov 14 2020, 8:32 pm

Quote:

Recent studies show that this actually has much more to do with socioeconomic conditions of my mothers that choose to nurse rather than the nursing itself. It studies between siblings growing up in the same home where one was bottlefed and one nursed, there is no evidence of this IQ difference