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Wwyd? Force kids to share snacks from school with siblings?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Nov 12 2020, 8:19 am
I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old who often come back from playgroup with wafers, cookies, challahs that they made.....I want my kids to learn to share with each other, but I don’t like the idea of forcing them to share. When one of them comes home with something I encourage them to give their sibling and tell them what a big mitzva it is and how happy it’ll make their sibling. Often they’ll share a bit and the other one will be satisfied, but sometimes one will refuse to share, taunt their sibling and the sibling will have a tantrum..... Sometimes I’ll guilt myself into giving the other one some sort of other treat, but I don’t like that idea at all. Life isn’t fair and I can’t always even things out. How would you deal with situations like these?
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abound




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Nov 12 2020, 8:21 am
They are each individuals and trying to get them to always have to give some of their own things to others is not healthy. If your other child saids that A did not give him/her a wafer just say, A got it in school and it is his to do with as he pleases. Dont force them to share.
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silverlining3




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Nov 12 2020, 8:30 am
One time it's child A who brings home a goodie or prize and the other time it's child B, and it's up to them if they want to share or not.
It's okay to say sharing is a nice thing and encouraging it, but no, forcing and sometimes giving a treat to the other child isn't the right way.
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amother




Puce
 

Post  Thu, Nov 12 2020, 8:32 am
I wouldn’t force my kids to share. They are their own individual people who get to decide what to do with their own individual belongings.
This ain’t communism.
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Nov 12 2020, 8:33 am
They should not have to share what is theirs. Taunting is a different story - this is not ok. The kids have to learn to enjoy what they have and do it in a nice way. Sit at the table and eat your snack like a mentch. A mentch does not tease or taunt siblings.
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amother




Goldenrod
 

Post  Thu, Nov 12 2020, 8:46 am
A mom once posted on here that what she does is if the kid doesn’t want to share they have to go eat it somewhere private where others can’t see. I liked her idea.
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amother




Bronze
 

Post  Thu, Nov 12 2020, 9:19 am
amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:
A mom once posted on here that what she does is if the kid doesn’t want to share they have to go eat it somewhere private where others can’t see. I liked her idea.


I wouldn't do this. I want my kids to be happy for each other's & fargin each other's and know that they can enjoy their things without hiding or sharing.
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amother




Goldenrod
 

Post  Thu, Nov 12 2020, 9:32 am
amother [ Bronze ] wrote:
I wouldn't do this. I want my kids to be happy for each other's & fargin each other's and know that they can enjoy their things without hiding or sharing.
ideally I would want this too. But reality is slightly different. I felt it was a very pragmatic approach.
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amother




Slateblue
 

Post  Thu, Nov 12 2020, 9:38 am
Happens all the time in my house. I dont force them to share but if they do then they get to pick a second snack to share as well. So instead of child A eating a whole wafer he gets half a wafer and half a cookie or wtvr.
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pause




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Nov 12 2020, 9:39 am
I tell them that if they don't want to share, that's fine, but that they can't eat it in front of the other siblings. So either eat it when they're not home or go in to a private place. It teaches sensitivity that you don't flaunt something you know others don't have and want.

Very often the other kids see anyway. I mean they're kids and don't do the best job at hiding. Or even if they eat in private, they'll then say, "You know what I had..." And that's when I take the opportunity to tell the other kids, "Sometimes she gets, sometimes you get. It's not exactly even. This was her snack, and she chose not to share. When you get a snack, you can choose to do the same thing."

Sharing is something that must come from within. When I have something that's mine, and I want to give from me to you. You can only share something if you have ownership of it, but if you are being forced to share, there's no acknowledgment of ownership in the first place. And I think that's very important to establish that what you got is yours, and no one else has any rights to it. And you get a choice to be nice and giving or not.
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tichellady




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Nov 12 2020, 9:39 am
I’m not a parenting expert but I wouldn’t eat a treat in front of a friend without offering some to her. So I would expect my kids to do the same. Either share or have it not in front of your siblings
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amother




Papaya
 

Post  Thu, Nov 12 2020, 9:41 am
I would not make them share. I do tell the child with the snack quietly. Give him a piece, and he'll be so happy. and you'll have a mitzvah. sometimes they do it. sometimes they shrug. (depends how good the snack is). sometimes they say no, and they change their mind when they're up to the last of it (had their fill)
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Twinster




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Nov 12 2020, 9:42 am
You can’t teach a good trait by force...

No I don’t make them share. We practice saying “I’m so happy for you” instead. Modeling sharing, as well as applauding when they do share, help more.

ETA: by practice, I mean that I say it often. Over time, the kids pick up on it. But of course they won’t always be happy for their sibling; they’re kids.


Last edited by Twinster on Thu, Nov 12 2020, 9:49 am; edited 1 time in total
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tichellady




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Nov 12 2020, 9:42 am
amother [ Bronze ] wrote:
I wouldn't do this. I want my kids to be happy for each other's & fargin each other's and know that they can enjoy their things without hiding or sharing.


That can be a goal but is not realistic for toddlers and young children
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Stars




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Nov 12 2020, 9:47 am
amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:
A mom once posted on here that what she does is if the kid doesn’t want to share they have to go eat it somewhere private where others can’t see. I liked her idea.


omg no! what does this teach the children?
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Stars




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Nov 12 2020, 9:48 am
tichellady wrote:
I’m not a parenting expert but I wouldn’t eat a treat in front of a friend without offering some to her. So I would expect my kids to do the same. Either share or have it not in front of your siblings


Really? Every time you eat something you offer some to everyone around you?
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Nov 12 2020, 9:55 am
I think the core issue here is that you can’t handle the tantruming in the other kid. And I get that. It’s hard to see our kids get upset.
That said, the child who has the snack should learn that sharing is their choice and theirs alone. The child who doesn’t should be allowed to express their feelings without the parent feeling like they have to fix the problem. It’s okay to be upset. You don’t always have to jump in to make sure everyone is happy. Anger, frustration, and disappointment are totally normal emotions. Be there for them as they express it.
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pause




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Nov 12 2020, 9:55 am
Stars wrote:
omg no! what does this teach the children?

See my post above:
Quote:
It teaches sensitivity that you don't flaunt something you know others don't have and want.
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cbg




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Nov 12 2020, 9:59 am
They don’t have to go into a different room but don’t taunt the other with it
I think in this situation it should be eaten during snack time.
Offer a healthy snack to everyone and at that time they can eat their treat as well
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silverlining3




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Nov 12 2020, 10:04 am
For my kids, they're older than 5 but younger than 10, I often say, it's a nice thing to share, but if you don't want, remember, the next time your picking brings home something and won't wanna share, you won't be able to be upset then. USUALLY helps.

Regarding teasing, if you don't wanna share, its not fair to tease. If you don't wanna share, eat quietly to yourself.

Her child is a toddler though. What does a toddler understand? But a 5 year old does understand more and you can teach.
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