Dd wants a second ear piercing

amother

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 12:06 am

My dd is a sweet, quiet girl. Bh, aside from some teen moodiness she is a pretty great girl. She attend a bais yaakov in bklyn until hs and then switched her to an mo yeshiva..I lean a little bit more to the right but weve always been more of an oot type..my daughter never went to typical BY camps and socially an MO school was more her type, she remains tznius even though its not a trend in her school. Yesterday, she asked me if she can get a 2nd hole in her ear..but if I didnt want her to, she wouldnt..my insides were cringing at the thought, but are my reasons for saying no valid?? I dont like the look at all!! Secondly, I would be embarrassed for my parents and in laws to see it..that means she would have to hide it..next year she will have yearbook photos..what if she regrets the look and it will be in her yearbook forever..she plans on going to seminary after hs..I just dont want her to do it yet..can I say no and not ruin our relationship?

going-up

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 12:10 am

What about discussing it with her. Let her know how uncomfortable it may make you feel and all the concerns you have, but leave the final decision for her.

(Also, if she changes her mind about it and just doesn't put the second earring in, wouldn't the hole close up? Just in regards to have if she changes her mind.)

Plonis

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 1:25 am

There are actually some really pretty looks with 2 holes, think a pearl with a drop on the lower hole, and a pearl stud on the upper hole, or the same with a diamond.

Maybe ask her which looks she has in mind, and then encourage her to sit on the decision for a few months before committing, since it's not easily reversible.

amother

Papaya

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 2:11 am

She's an adult and can make her own choices. At the end of the day its a small hole you dont see it
She goes to a modox school where thats a normal mode of style... my friends had cartilage piercings, 3 holes per ear etc. Were all 25 now and none of us kept them in

I went to a very modern HS. Had my belly pierced senior year, had 3 holes in one ear. Took it all out after seminary. Its a phase.

I married a very frum guy and we live in lakewood now.

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 2:32 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

She gave you the opening to say no, so I doubt it will ruin your relationship. Just tell her its not a look you like, so you want her to wait until she's an adult.

I'm old as the hills. Forty years ago, my college roommate wondered whether she should take out her second earring for job interviews. I doubt anyone, including your parents, would be shocked at a double piercing, particularly if she keeps a small stud in the second hole.

erm

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 4:08 am

amother [ Papaya ] wrote:

How is a high school girl an adult? If she is 18 you can't really stop her, but before that, why can't a parent say no to a permanent mark on their child's body???? When did children get all the decision making power?? Why are parents so scared of saying "no"?

amother

Mint

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 4:14 am

Has she tried on clip ons and stickers? Those can give the same look. There are even ear cuffs for those who want to fake cartilage piercings (which I personally find disgusting if real because it's a much more serious body modification).

FranticFrummie

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 4:42 am

If DD has her heart set on a second piercing, and you just can't stomach the idea, go to a store in the mall called "Hot Topic". They have magnetic earrings that look extremely realistic. DD can wear them for fun, but then take them off for going to shul, and for class pictures. I think it's a good compromise for now.

My DD wanted big holes in her ears, like the size of a pencil. She tried it for a while, and then decided that it was too much work to clean them 3 times a day. She took out the thick earrings, and put in normal ones. Within a month the hold closed up to normal piercing size. No harm done.

When I had 3 holes on one side, nobody batted an eyelash. I had a tiny diamond on top, a thin small gold hoop in the middle, and then different fashion earrings in the regular earlobes. It didn't look trashy or "attention seeking" at all. I can't even remember why I took them out, but eventually I lost the smaller earrings, and I let the holes close up. You can't even tell where they were anymore. Again, no harm done.

OP, depending on your circles, and how old you are, I understand that what "just wasn't done" in your day, may not be the same today.

When I was 12 I wanted to get my ears pierced, and my great grandmother was HORRIFIED! She kept saying "Everyone will think that you're an Armenian Gypsy!" Surprised

When we got home, I asked my mom "What's an Armenian?" LOL

amother

Papaya

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 9:38 am

erm wrote:

Guess I grew up differently than many women on this site. My parents were very into self autonomy. Were also not american so its probably a different mindset...

Also its a second earring. It closes up in a minute idg why its a big deal but ok

FranticFrummie

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 11:02 am

amother [ Salmon ] wrote:

I get the impression that most people with 2 piercings are wearing fairly eidel styles. And this is completely normal for who and where she is now.
BUT what are her post high school plans? Could this have any impact at all?

What? I have no idea where you are getting your information from.

Women with NOSE rings are holding down high level, professional corporate jobs. Women with colorful tattoos are getting jobs in every sector of society, doctors, lawyers - and if it can be covered with long sleeves, pretty much anything is open to them.

Wearing a sheitel is infinitely weirder than having a second piercing, as far as job hunting goes.

If you are talking about shidduchim, if a girl really likes her second piercing, and the boy hates it, he's not the one for her anyway. He'll never understand her, and he'll be too rigid in his expectations.

amother

Salmon

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 11:08 am

amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:

It’s funny to see this from the other side... I want more piercings and am nervous about what my mother will think LOL

She might worry. Superficial as it might seem, will it mess up your kids' school choices or do you in socially? But she'll notice your aidel styles and support your choices. BTDT.

hesha

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 11:26 am

Just as an aside - there seems to be a space between your personal lifestyle preferences and the school you are sending your daughter to. Now it’s an earring. With time it’s bound to be more things - clothing, recreational activities etc. If embracing the MO style is not something you want to do, you might want to reconsider her attending that school. It’s a lot to expect from a teen not to want to fully conform to her classmates culture and trends. Just my two cents

amother

Tangerine

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 12:01 pm

hesha wrote:

It's a piece of jewelry, not a slippery slope. It is not a "gateway drug", it won't get her pregnant, and it won't make her decide to be a pole dancer when she grows up. Rolling Eyes

I am SO glad I do not live in your communities. No wonder kids go OTD.

Allowing her one piercing might be the thing that satisfies her and keeps her on track.

amother

Navy

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 12:49 pm

For those of you who don't understand the question, a second piercing is considered MO. Obviously, if you are MO, you won't see a problem with it.

OP, my niece was similar to your DD. She was in between Beis Yaakov and MO types. She decided to wait until she was married and get it if her husband liked it.

He did like it (even though he leans more towards yeshivish) so she has a tiny diamond stud in her second hole now.