Creating a narcissist

behappy2

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 12:50 pm

How do you think we create narcissists? Im just curious what ppl think. Do you think one can be raised in YOUR house or only other ppls houses. Are they created with too much love or too little, too much praise or too little, too loose or too strong boundaries?

amother

Cyan

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 12:55 pm

According to my therapist, some people have a genetic predisposition, and it can lay dormant until provoked. That provoking can be not getting enough validation as a child. I forgo what else she said, but that’s all I remember.

amother

Jade

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 12:55 pm

I don't believe one raises a narcissist. Narcissists usually have abusive childhoods that triggered the narcissism as a survival mechanism. They are also genetically predisposed to it but under the right conditions (nurture) in many cases they can become healthy adults.

amother

Brunette

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 1:09 pm

Narcissists become like that because they grew up in very dysfunctional homes, in my experience, abusive homes.

Genetic predisposed means that let's say in a specific abusive home each child will grow up differently according to their genetic predisposition. One might become BPD, the other narcissistic and another might get a nervous breakdown.. bottom line the abuse causes it.

If you have a normal home then there is no need to worry about it.

Coming from someone who experienced it first hand and has done tons of research on this subject.

behappy2

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 1:16 pm

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

What kind of research have you done? Can you share sources?

I'm wondering if it's a combo of abuse and baseless adoration.

ra_mom

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 1:19 pm

Causes
It's not known what causes narcissistic personality disorder. As with personality development and with other mental health disorders, the cause of narcissistic personality disorder is likely complex. Narcissistic personality disorder may be linked to:

Environment ― mismatches in parent-child relationships with either excessive adoration or excessive criticism that is poorly attuned to the child's experience
Genetics ― inherited characteristics
Neurobiology — the connection between the brain and behavior and thinking
Risk factors
Narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females, and it often begins in the teens or early adulthood. Keep in mind that, although some children may show traits of narcissism, this may simply be typical of their age and doesn't mean they'll go on to develop narcissistic personality disorder.

Although the cause of narcissistic personality disorder isn't known, some researchers think that in biologically vulnerable children, parenting styles that are overprotective or neglectful may have an impact. Genetics and neurobiology also may play a role in development of narcissistic personality disorder.

amother

Brunette

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 1:21 pm

Out of all the research I did, I find Dr Ramani's youtube channel explains it best. I saw nearly every one of her videos. Once I found her, I stopped the search and keep listening to her. She gets it and knows it all very well.

I don't think in order to become narcissist the person needs to get baseless adoration. I know quite a few who didn't get adoration at all yet they are full blown narcissists.

behappy2

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 1:23 pm

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

Or were taught that their family is special, better than everyone else.

behappy2

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 1:49 pm

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

No no no. Narcissism is not taught. I can't find the words to explain this. I hope someone chimes in to explain.

I know a narcissist who was emotionally neglected as a child. The parents also drilled into the kids that they are different than others (I don't want to give too many details) I'm starting to think it's not JUST neglect or abuse that there is a toxic blend of something else too. As for biology, yes that's possible too. Has it been proven or is it just guesswork?

amother

Indigo

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 1:52 pm

Narcissism is not taught. Narcissistic tendencies and habits can be acquired from environment. However true narcissism is often the result of childhood trauma and/or a difficult upbringing.

My DH is a narcissist. (Confirmed by three therapists). He had a traumatic incident occur when he was six years old and has remained at that age emotionally. He totally lacks any empathy and can not see past himself. This effects decisions that need to be made regarding the children and effects his relationship with the children. His father was a raging narcissist. I don't know the exact details but he was raised by a difficult Mother. He was always screaming and was extremely controlling, especially with money. Thank God, my children are not narcissist. However two of them do have some traits that are a bit a narcissistic, which is the result of having a parent who does not have their best interest at heart, and who can yell, scream, name call and be abusive. So in a sense it becomes genetic because the behavior of the narcissistic parent does inform the behavior of the child.

amother

Brunette

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 1:57 pm

behappy2 wrote:

Abuse and neglect play out in many ways. Could be that for the specific person you know, it did make a difference.

I know quite a few regular homes that tell their children they are "different" and none of them are narcissists.

About biology, I don't know if it was proven but I've seen quite a number of real narcissists and I believe it's true. I've seen first hand how it played out in families of abuse too and how the kids are today as adults.

amother

Brunette

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 2:03 pm

amother [ Indigo ] wrote:

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know the pain.

Your post explains it very well. I would only add that in your dh's case, he also comes from an abusive home. So it's not only the trauma he experienced at age 6. Plus his mom wasn't the most supportive.

Hashem should help you.

Zehava

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 2:17 pm

behappy2 wrote:

Either extreme I think
Narcissism is essentially an extreme form of a trauma response. A child who feels unsafe and not in control of his environment (which can result from either extreme) might grow into an adult who uses the fight response as a coping mechanism. They will try to control others and rage at them as a way to feel safe and in control. When a person is in a constant state of survival they are incapable of empathy.
Many times the golden child in a dysfunctional family ends up growing into a narcissist.
That means the child who watched their sibling/siblings or even their other parent being hurt and learnt that in order to survive they need to be the ones in power.

#BestBubby

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 2:20 pm

Nacissists can also be created by devoted parents who want to parent per the "experts".

Excusing abusive behavior because the little darling was hungry or upset and cannot be
expected to control his/her behavior.

Making their little darling feel "entitled" to have everything go their way and to tantrum
when it does not.

No surprise, there are more narcissists in the younger generation than older generation.

amother

Indigo

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 2:42 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

That creates people with narcissistic tendencies and habits, not necessarily true narcissists.

amother

Indigo

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 2:44 pm

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

Thank you. BH I have learned to cope with it and now that my children are older they are beginning to understand certain things and are able to not internalize the behavior that they see.

While DH's home was somewhat abusive. He is the only one of the children who went through this trauma so his siblings were not as emotionally damaged as he was.

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 2:54 pm

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

I think this makes sense.
And maybe that’s why there are more narcs today, because they were raised by holocaust survivors and many such homes were dysfunctional?
My father had a dysfunctional traumatizing hard childhood, he was born 3 short years after the war was over.... the stories he shares are just wow. Waking up to his mother’s screams from terrible nightmares she had every single night... etc.

I heard once that it will take the world 500 years to recuperate from the emotional sicknesses the holocaust brought to it.

400+ left to go.

miami85

Sun, Nov 15 2020, 3:07 pm

Even with my background in psychology, I am not a clinical psychologist I don't know precisely the etiology and diagnostics I will say 2 things

1)One's niece is not qualified to diagnose an uncle--that is unethical, nor is it ok to reveal any kind of other person's diagnosis to the media, that is a violation of HIPAA.

2)I worked with a speech therapist, I didn't see her on a regular basis as I work for several schools and don't always check in with her. But it seemed that more often than not whenever I spoke to her, some how she had to remind me of her soon-to-be ex son-in-law who is a narcissist, it didn't seem to matter which student we were talking about, the conversation would circle back to this individual. Which I was kind of like TMI, but also, if this keeps happening, who is the narcissist?

Thus, I don't know if it is truly personality disorder from birth/genetics or is it triggered by trauma with predispositions? Or is it a form of some other personality flaw.