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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Nov 15 2020, 5:06 pm
And you're a single mom or your husband is hardly ever home...

How much do your kids help out?

What does your house look like?

Do you do all of the cooking, cleaning, childcare on your own?

What if you have a demanding baby who needs to be held?

If your kids help, how much do they do and what motivates them?
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amother




Rose
 

Post  Sun, Nov 15 2020, 5:35 pm
The short answer to "what do I do?" is that I cut myself a lot of slack.
There's no way I can measure up to the cleanliness standards of my friends, co-workers, family members and ImaMothers.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Nov 15 2020, 5:40 pm
amother [ Rose ] wrote:
The short answer to "what do I do?" is that I cut myself a lot of slack.
There's no way I can measure up to the cleanliness standards of my friends, co-workers, family members and ImaMothers.

Same. My DH will chip in slightly on Fridays to wash the kitchen floor and clean the stove top. My kids may or may not assist with some straightening up, but it’s usually all on me. So in order for me not to crack up, I let LOTS of things slide and our house is not neat or clean during the week. On weekends , there is some semblance of normalcy , but otherwise I need to accept what my circumstances are and I know that there is no way my house could look spotless unless I kill myself in the process. I choose to live.
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amother




Blonde
 

Post  Sun, Nov 15 2020, 5:43 pm
My kids are still little (they clean their toys when I make them) my roomba and brava are lifesavers. (Expensive but worth it for me) I have clorax wands in every bathroom. My house is not always perfect but these definitely help.
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amother




Violet
 

Post  Sun, Nov 15 2020, 5:43 pm
So I’m one of those that kills themselves to keep the house decent. Not perfect but decent.

I can’t handle clutter or neglecting the house.

I also have an hour a day that I lull myself to get everything done. But and it’s a big but I’m very resentful about it
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amother




Scarlet
 

Post  Sun, Nov 15 2020, 6:00 pm
I clean the bathrooms, kitchen, toys, trash can, and vacuum and mop on Friday.
I wash the dishes every 2nd or 3rd day.
The basics.
My house is clean every shabbos.
My kids are too young to help.
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amother




Emerald
 

Post  Sun, Nov 15 2020, 7:47 pm
I’m a single Mom without cleaning help and I’ll start off by saying that yes, I do get overwhelmed sometimes.
But, as mentioned by others , I let some things slide.

I do laundry once a week, so I know that it’s not something I have to worry about all week. I also just sort my laundry and either hang up what can’t get creased and just sort and put away anything else without folding...
I use paper goods a lot or my dishwasher.
I sweep and mop frequently, but then it’s not a huge job when I need to.
Vacuuming and changing linen happen less often than it should- but I don’t want to prove anything to anyone.
I don’t have kids old enough to really help yet, but I guess that also means there’s less mess...
Good luck!
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Nov 15 2020, 8:04 pm
The thing is, I need a clean house for my sanity.

And my kids are old enough to help.

So I'm forever asking them to help. Whether it's cleaning up or holding the baby, I hate myself for it but I go crazy otherwise, I can't do everything myself Can't Believe It

I definitely reward them for helping and try to also give personal time to each one but it's hard and I can't say it always happens.

Would love to hear more from moms with older kids too.
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amother




Maroon
 

Post  Sun, Nov 15 2020, 11:23 pm
Depends on how old your kids are but it works in my house. I have a chart taped to one of the closet, everyone gets a job nightly.
One cleans the living room, one does the milchig side and playroom, one does fleishig side and one does kitchen table and sweeps.
Nobody does the same job two nights in a row. Takes at the most 15 minutes!
I either help with clean up or take care of laundry during this time!
Once house is cleaned up, it's easy to mop and vacuum!
(I never ask them to clean bathroom except emptying the garbage cans!)
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amother




Maroon
 

Post  Sun, Nov 15 2020, 11:27 pm
Once you make the chart I find that kids don't argue too much about doing the jobs because they see what is expected of them.
At the beginning you can reward after a week or two of doing it nicely! ( ice cream party!)
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amother




Lime
 

Post  Mon, Nov 16 2020, 12:14 am
The house looks messy a lot, cleaning priorities are always kitchen, bathroom, living room floor. Every day about 30 minutes to putaway toys, books, anything that is put of place.

You have to let go of certain standards especially if you grew up in a house that had full time help(I did). So I know my house is never going to be as sparkling as the house I grew up.

I also prioritize playing with my kids than making everything spotless, I feel it's important for their development to play and get attention, so sometimes there will be a mess and we'll be playing board games!
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Rappel




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 16 2020, 1:10 am
Quote:
[quote="amother [ OP ]"]And you're a single mom or your husband is hardly ever home...


Quote:
How much do your kids help out?

As they can and want to. They're 4, 2, and a newborn.

Quote:
What does your house look like?


Smallish, but well laid out. If I sleep at night, then it looks pretty good during the day. If not... Well, we all have something to strive for.

Quote:
Do you do all of the cooking, cleaning, childcare on your own?


Yes. DH helps when he's home, but that's pretty rare.

Quote:
What if you have a demanding baby who needs to be held?


Then I hold the baby. Child take precedence over dishes. But where it affects the care of the general household/other children's needs, then I put the baby in a carrier if he's fussy. Baby feeding time doubles as magnetiles or story time, with the kids holding up the books.
Quote:
If your kids help, how much do they do and what motivates them?


They must pick up their toys, put away a book before they take out another one, put their laundry in the basket, and put their trash in the trash can... and put their shoes on the shoe rack, now that it's muddy outside. All else is optional, though encouraged. Ex: milk spills. What's the solution? Get a towel and wipe it up! And I'll do it with them.

What motivates them? Praise, and jealousy if their sibling gets praised. We make things fun, and they like working/playing with me, so they're usually more enthusiastic than I am about their "help." But I let them get involved, and I hope that someday their motivation will be matched by their abilities!
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zigi




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 16 2020, 1:31 am
motivaters watching hoarders. I show clips or full episodes. we do group cleaning up before shabbos. some kids entertain the younger kids. others help clean . other kids like to cook/bake. in a regular weekday. I have them take down boxes or garbage. help sweep and 5 minute clean. some kids like to make supper. I really should have them help more. my kids are 16 down one big girl and teen boys a tween and smaller girls (they make a lot of th mess) but they do clean up some of it.

having less things, toys clothes etc makes cleaning easier. I have to really work on paring things down. I have way too much.

if I really need help I order pizza we get a clean house and a meal for less than a housekeeper. or ice cream tubs and cones. also not as expensive as paying for help
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salt




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 16 2020, 1:38 am
My kids kind of gravitate to the jobs that they enjoy, and I don't ask them to do the jobs that they don't enjoy. But I guess I'm lucky, that they have things that they like doing.
DD 14 loves a clean floor - she does it super slowly, it takes her forever, but she does it.
DD 19 loves hanging laundry.
DS 17 enjoys emptying a full sink of dishes.
I would never ask the one who likes washing the floor to hang the laundry though. Just what they like.
DD 8 started clearing the table before shabbos - I praise her no end.

(ps, my DH also does housework, I'm not a single mum, but I thought I'd chip in cos my kids do help around the house)
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Teomima




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 16 2020, 1:42 am
How much do your kids help out?
My older kids (pre-teens) do chores every day. They're the ones that keep me sane: clearing and cleaning the floors, putting away the dishes, washing their bathroom, helping their little siblings, etc. Plus they clean their own room and do their own laundry.

What does your house look like?
It's not great. There's always mess and clutter. But it's clean, despite the mess. By which I mean the floors get swept daily, there's always clean dishes (even if the sink is always full), the dining room table (ie, the classroom) is packed all week but cleared for Shabbat, bathrooms are clean, toilets get scrubbed, etc. And I try to cut myself as much slack as possible. We also live in a very small apartment so no matter how much I clean up there's still only so much room.

Do you do all of the cooking, cleaning, childcare on your own?
Except for the above-mentioned chores, yes.

What if you have a demanding baby who needs to be held?
Baby carrier. Saved my life.

If your kids help, how much do they do and what motivates them?
My older ones who do chores have distance learning all morning. They can take breaks of course but otherwise are busy until all their classes and assignments are completed. After that they have their chores, and only after that are they allowed any screen time. So that's their motivator.

My 4yo is learning how to clean up her toys after herself and it's often a fight but if push comes to shove I basically threaten her potentially losing her toys. To be clear, this isn't a scary yelling angry sort of threat, rather a matter of learning repercussions (presented in a very calm, loving, matter of fact manner. Not at all angry or accusatory): If she doesn't clean up after herself, and I have to do it, then I'll take the toys. If she wants to have the toys available to play with in the future, then she needs to return them to their place when she's done. Of course, she's still young and still learning, and half the time I just put her stuff away for her.

That's about it though. 80% of everything still falls on me. So I pick and choose my battles (with my kids AND with my home). I make priorities and work on letting everything else go and cutting myself as much slack as possible. Oh, and I watch hoarding shows which always help me feel better about my cleaning LOL
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amother




Green
 

Post  Mon, Nov 16 2020, 1:58 am
Whats a brava?
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cnc




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 16 2020, 2:02 am
amother [ Green ] wrote:
Whats a brava?


Robot mop
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amother




Periwinkle
 

Post  Mon, Nov 16 2020, 2:30 am
I'll make everyone feel better.

My house is GROSS. It not only gets messy, it gets dirty. And stays that way for way too long.

I either have ADHD or a matching personality, and I cannot keep on top of it.

My kids help, but it's a drop in the bucket to what this place needs. They'll clear the table before dinner, they'll pick up 20 things before they go to sleep, sometimes do a load of laundry or clean their rooms if asked.

Back when we had a regular housekeeper, it was nice to have a consistently clean home. For now, things get sporadically cleaned and overall this place is pretty embarrassing.

Oh well, this is my life.

I still think my kids are happy and not neglected, in case you're worried. But now you should all feel better about yourselves!
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Rappel




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 16 2020, 2:45 am
Btw - tips for a clean home:
1) before something enters your home, it must have a place to live. Everything needs a place, or it can't stay.

2) automate as much as possible. Don't do laundry in a bucket - there's a machine for that.
Meals should involve no more than 5 minutes of prep, and then you can leave it in the oven/ pot/ Crockpot to sit with itself until it's ready to serve.
If you're struggling with dishes, go disposable until clearing the table and sink is a reasonable expectation to have of yourself (including disposable pans. You will save the earth someday, but kindness starts at home.).
Got room in your budget? Then a robot to sweep the floor, a dishwasher to clean the dishes, etc, are right on.
Make systems so things are easy to do, and so that preferably you don't have to do them.

3) do things you enjoy. Make time to do something that you like. Maybe you're at home with the baby, so you can't do a big art project - but you can crochet something small. Maybe you can't go running and hiking, but you can turn on some music and dance. Something, anything, that you enjoy will refresh your efforts to do the less enjoyable things.

4) cleaning is boring, so give your brain something else to do. Audiobooks or light shiurim are nice. A phone call with someone you love (Bluetooth wireless headphones, so you're not juggling things while you clean). A mental puzzle you read right before you start scrubbing. Your hands will act while your brain is elsewhere, and you'll be pleasantly surprised to see what you've done when you come back to earth.
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amother




Brunette
 

Post  Mon, Nov 16 2020, 2:46 am
thunderstorm wrote:
Same. My DH will chip in slightly on Fridays to wash the kitchen floor and clean the stove top. My kids may or may not assist with some straightening up, but it’s usually all on me. So in order for me not to crack up, I let LOTS of things slide and our house is not neat or clean during the week. On weekends , there is some semblance of normalcy , but otherwise I need to accept what my circumstances are and I know that there is no way my house could look spotless unless I kill myself in the process. I choose to live.

Our stove top gets cleaned once a year, before Pesach. It's gross. I hate it. But neither of us has time to clean it.
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