Positive parenting- real life scenarios

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 7:55 pm

nchr wrote:

Could a child with ADHD be one of the best behaved child in class (as per her teachers), never talk in public, go to shul for 5 hours and sit quietly and daven, same at sheva brachos, etc.? I will take her to be evaluated if that's the case and if it can help her, but I have siblings like her too and they do not have ADHD.

This is why I find personality systems so unhelpful when it comes to kids, and honestly, people in general. They aren’t scientific. Kids are so much more than a number. Personality is a complex interplay of genes, neurobiology, environment, upbringing. And every child is unique. Look deeply at your child. Try to see and understand her deeply. What she enjoys. What makes her tick. What she’s afraid of. But please, for the love of God, don’t put her in a box labeled with a number or 4 letter permutation.

nchr

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 8:11 pm

crust wrote:

Next to a 5 parent many children can appear to have add.

This is exactly what it is. Just the clash of me and the rest of the family with her, whereas to other different personality people they wouldn't pick up on what I'm talking about. Literally, during our Shabbos seuda, there is no noise, no moving, just quiet and zemiros or a Torah here or there with no one else talking. Same during supper, or breakfast. When we travel for 2 hours in the car, it is complete silence except ocassionally the baby will need something. My daughter just needs to be reminded that we don't need to play games in the car or get popsicles at every stop. I don't know how to explain it otherwise.

amother

Apricot

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 8:18 pm

yksraya wrote:

never talk in public? Boy she is not a 7?

I'm not saying the occasional shy or reserved, but how long can a 7 stay quiet!

My son (not a 7) is very calm, and can behave quite well, but he most probably has add. And yes, he is not the neatest, and can leave his stuff scattered. Although he is bh getting older and a bit more responsible, so the messes aren't as bad anymore.

She can be a 7 and be forced into silence because her mother doesn’t let her talk. My heart is breaking.

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 8:18 pm

nchr wrote:

She does need to play games though. How will her needs be met?

ExtraCredit

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 8:34 pm

amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:

It’s actually very helpful especially when your child or spouse is different than you and you want to understand them better!
Of course a person is so much more than a number but this should be used as a tool to understand them better and try to give them what they need.

ExtraCredit

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 8:41 pm

nchr wrote:

It’s hard for you to have a 7 child and hard for a 7 child to be the only one between a bunch of quiet serious siblings with neither parent understanding and fulfilling her needs.
Instead of you changing her all the way, why don’t you meet in the middle? At times it’s appropriate to be quiet and serious (homework, davening, even if you just need a few minutes peace and quiet) and at times you give in and let her be her natural self. If none of the siblings enjoy her nature why not invite some neighbors who would appreciate her spunk and let them play together? My heart goes out for her. She must be very lonely.

Last edited by ExtraCredit on Tue, Nov 24 2020, 8:42 pm; edited 1 time in total

Zehava

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 8:41 pm

nchr wrote:

That is highly unnatural for any sort of child. In this century anyway when children are supposed to be see AND heard.

QueensMama

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 8:49 pm

nchr wrote:

I'm editing my post again. I just want to say one thing: NCHR, from your posts you seem to be a smart, well meaning person. What you're describing is not healthy or typical in any way. Don't take imamothers for it, please, consult with someone (qualified) you respect.

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 8:59 pm

ExtraCredit wrote:

its an artificial and shallow rubric for understanding personality.

ExtraCredit

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 9:11 pm

amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:

its an artificial and shallow rubric for understanding personality.

It’s just one method and you have to keep in mind that there’s more to personality than this. To get too brainwashed over any one method is never a good thing.

flowerpower

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 9:16 pm

nchr wrote:

I didn’t read through the post ( too intense for me) but skimmed through the last page. I just want to know if your kids are human because dh may want to swap kids with you. My kids don’t sit throughout the shabbos meal, will barely sit at the dinner table( they’re nooooot hungty, they are far from quiet, and dh wants to kill himself when we go somewhere in the car with the kids. What is your secret? Drugs? Petch? A muzzle? Handcuffs?

ExtraCredit

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 9:24 pm

flowerpower wrote:

It’s easy to have such kids if you follow certain methods. But please experiment on mice, not humans.

yksraya

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 9:48 pm

ExtraCredit wrote:

Sometimes you get an even percentage on 2 numbers. These tests are not blood tests.

that's not how it works. Maybe she can't decide which one she is. Or maybe by osmosis she has some of the other type, but really she is only one type.

ExtraCredit

Tue, Nov 24 2020, 10:11 pm

yksraya wrote:

that's not how it works. Maybe she can't decide which one she is. Or maybe by osmosis she has some of the other type, but really she is only one type.

Right but she might score 7 on one test and 9 on another. Makes it tricky.