Home

Would you make a fuss about it?
1, 2  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling


View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 7:45 am
My 6 year old is tantruming he wants to wear his shabbos shoes l'kovid rosh choidesh. I really dont wanna send him with his shabbos shoes , I gave him the choice to wear his old ones and he is refusing. No koich to fight with him . He went and put on the shoes I said no to. Whsts Next step to do?
Back to top

amother




Wine
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 7:47 am
I would let him wear it in the first place. (My daughter went with shabbos top and shabbos skirt today. It makes her feel good and not worth me putting down my foot. )
Back to top

avrahamama




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 7:48 am
Be happy! He wants to start the new month in the right foot! BAH. It's just one day. Hopefully he wi be easy on his shoes.

Enjoy him. Have nachat!

Chodesh kislev tov!
Back to top

amother




Mauve
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 7:55 am
How sweet that he's so tuned into Rosh Chodesh! Let it go. Kids have so little power in their lives, and the fact that he wants to exercise his in order to show respect for Rosh Chodesh is just wonderful. And if you have to polish his shoes when he comes home from school, that's a small price to pay for giving him some say in his life.
Back to top

amother




Aqua
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 8:17 am
If I said no I stick to it. Especially that he tantrumed and then he did it anyway. I don't want to teach my kids that that is the way for them to get their way.
If he would have asked nicely maybe I would reconsider. But in this case I wouldnt allow it.
Back to top

silverlining3




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 8:25 am
I would choose to ignore it (this time) than have a crazy morning-cuz of shoes, and then a crying child going to cheder.
And I usually stick to my word.

Sorry for your morning

Ah guten chodesh
Back to top

imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 8:28 am
Quick, tell him you thought it over and changed your mind and decided to let.

You don't want him thinking he can get away with whatever he wants by making a big enough scene.

By saying you decided to let, you retain control.

Tell him you decided to trust him to be extra careful, and that if they get scuffed, he'll help polish them carefully before Shabbos.
Back to top

watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 8:29 am
Let him. In the world of things to fight over, this is not one of the things to chose. Imasinger nailed it. Do what she said.
Back to top

Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 8:31 am
amother [ Aqua ] wrote:
If I said no I stick to it. Especially that he tantrumed and then he did it anyway. I don't want to teach my kids that that is the way for them to get their way.
If he would have asked nicely maybe I would reconsider. But in this case I wouldnt allow it.

In the first place I would allow it, but once I said no, I would stick to it, like aqua said.
Back to top

amother




Black
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 9:06 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My 6 year old is tantruming he wants to wear his shabbos shoes l'kovid rosh choidesh. I really dont wanna send him with his shabbos shoes , I gave him the choice to wear his old ones and he is refusing. No koich to fight with him . He went and put on the shoes I said no to. Whsts Next step to do?


I would've let in the first place. But since you already said no, I wouldn't change my mind especially after a tantrum and after he put on the shoes you said he shouldn't put on. I'd say calmly "if you go to school with the shoes you lose a treat later" (or a different consequence you decide.) Tell it to him in a calm tone & leave the choice up to him. If he chooses to wear the shoes to school, don't comment and follow up with the consequence later.
Back to top

Mommyg8




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 9:09 am
imasinger wrote:
Quick, tell him you thought it over and changed your mind and decided to let.

You don't want him thinking he can get away with whatever he wants by making a big enough scene.

By saying you decided to let, you retain control.

Tell him you decided to trust him to be extra careful, and that if they get scuffed, he'll help polish them carefully before Shabbos.


Thumbs Up

Imasinger, I love every one of your posts.
Back to top

amother




Black
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 9:12 am
imasinger wrote:
Quick, tell him you thought it over and changed your mind and decided to let.

You don't want him thinking he can get away with whatever he wants by making a big enough scene.

By saying you decided to let, you retain control.

Tell him you decided to trust him to be extra careful, and that if they get scuffed, he'll help polish them carefully before Shabbos.


This will teach the child that if he tantrums and disobeys, mom will change her mind. The child did exactly what mom told him not to do, mom shouldn't be changing her mind now.
Back to top

ddmom




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 9:19 am
amother [ Black ] wrote:
This will teach the child that if he tantrums and disobeys, mom will change her mind. The child did exactly what mom told him not to do, mom shouldn't be changing her mind now.

No I don't think do.
It will teach him empathy! his mommy felt bad that he was so sad and she changed her mind and told him to be very careful to not ruin the shoes!
When he comes back from school she can discuss calmly about not tantruming and listening to his mommy.
Back to top

amother




Black
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 9:23 am
ddmom wrote:
No I don't think do.
It will teach him empathy! his mommy felt bad that he was so sad and she changed her mind and told him to be very careful to not ruin the shoes!
When he comes back from school she can discuss calmly about not tantruming and listening to his mommy.


I'd say this IF the child hadn't disobeyed and put on the shoes even if mom told him not to. Once he did what mom told him not to do, mom should not be changing her mind. If he'd looked sad after mom said no, but had listened to mom and not put on the shoes, then mom could say that she changed her mind. But once the child did what mom said not to do, there's no changing your mind because you have no energy to deal with it. You're showing the child that he'll get his way even if he tantrums and disobeys.
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 9:30 am
There is an easy way to "save face" as a parent.

"You know, Rosh Chodesh IS very special. I think maybe it is a good idea for you to wear Shabbos shoes." and then repeat what Imasinger said about being extra careful, and about how you trust him.

I think it's incredibly sweet that he wants to do something special for the day. IYH this should be the biggest fight you ever have with him.

I rarely backed down from a "no" with DD, but if she could give me a clear, logical argument (my little lawyer!) I would sometimes have to concede that she made a really good point. This didn't happen often, and I didn't allow chutzpa or tantruming. She knew that if she could explain things properly, I would take it under consideration.

As a parent, every single day, you have to ask yourself "Is this the hill I'm willing to die on? Will this be really important when he's in high school / married / in college / at work?"
Back to top

anonymrs




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 10:02 am
My 9 yr old asked me the same this morning. I first told her that I don't love the idea but she really wanted it so I let. I try to be what I call a "yes mommy" as often as possible.

Once I've said no, I do sometimes choose to ignore if child disobeys, but I rarely back down and allow once I've said no.
Back to top

Mommyg8




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 10:39 am
amother [ Black ] wrote:
This will teach the child that if he tantrums and disobeys, mom will change her mind. The child did exactly what mom told him not to do, mom shouldn't be changing her mind now.


She's modeling flexibility. And that sometimes rules are meant to be broken. And that sometimes when little boys really want something their Mommys will hear them and understand. It shows the child that the mother really cares about him and cares about his feelings.
Back to top

amother




Black
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 10:42 am
Mommyg8 wrote:
She's modeling flexibility. And that sometimes rules are meant to be broken. And that sometimes when little boys really want something their Mommys will hear them and understand. It shows the child that the mother really cares about him and cares about his feelings.


I agree with this but only if the child hasn't disobeyed the mom yet. Once the child put on the shoes already even if mom said not to, there's no changing the mind. I understand mom changing her mind if the child keeps on asking and nudging, but not once the child has already done what the mom said not to do.
Back to top

amother




Mistyrose
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 10:43 am
Some very strict Moms here.
Relax.
Your children are humans with feelings.
Back to top

Mommyg8




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 10:45 am
amother [ Black ] wrote:
I agree with this but only if the child hasn't disobeyed the mom yet. Once the child put on the shoes already even if mom said not to, there's no changing the mind. I understand mom changing her mind if the child keeps on asking and nudging, but not once the child has already done what the mom said not to do.


We can agree to disagree. I've given in a few times over the years and my kids seemed to have turned out fine Smile .
Back to top
1, 2  Next Recent Topics

Page 1 of 2 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Will it look good if I add hair to make wig bangs longer?
by amother
5 Yesterday at 1:44 am View last post
Mommy, I'll never make you proud. Poem (trigger warning)
by amother
12 Fri, Jan 15 2021, 1:45 pm View last post
Can I add hair to make my Sheitel bangs longer?
by amother
4 Thu, Jan 14 2021, 2:05 am View last post
What can I make with hazelnut butter?
by maze
8 Wed, Jan 13 2021, 8:02 pm View last post
What do you use to make your house smell nice
by gr8 mom
22 Tue, Jan 12 2021, 12:13 pm View last post