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Is ODD a thing? Spinoff gentle parenting thread
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crust




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:24 pm
Let's keep the gentle parenting thread gentle.

Is ODD a thing?

You can discuss it here.
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amother




Denim
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:26 pm
Yes it’s a thing. And no it’s not the parents fault. Freud is soooo 19th century. Hello, age of neurobiology. The end.
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Success10




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:28 pm
I didn't read the other thread, but I've always understood it as a personality type. One that can get to extremes if it really clashes with the parent and gets out of hand. But there are good, innate character traits there. Ones that can be used to get the child far if they are harnessed properly.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:29 pm
amother [ Denim ] wrote:
Yes it’s a thing. And no it’s not the parents fault. Freud is soooo 19th century. Hello, age of neurobiology. The end.

Are you wheat from the other thread?
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mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:30 pm
Personally, I feel like ODD is more of a response to a deeper issue that a child is dealing with in life. I dont think a kid is born defiant. My most defiant child is also super anxious and a little sensory. His other brother has pretty severe ADHD and the exact opposite personality. His defiance is a coping mechanisim. He is just trying to make sense of the life circumstances hashem gave him. Gentle parenting specifically the book the explosive child has actually done the best for him versus a more behavioral oriented method.
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amother




Denim
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:30 pm
Zehava wrote:
Are you wheat from the other thread?
no
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:31 pm
amother [ Denim ] wrote:
no

Where did you get the idea that it’s the parents fault?
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flowerpower




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:32 pm
It’s a thing. I’ve seen it. More than once. But there are techniques to really help the child.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:36 pm
To answer your question, ADHD is a scientifically proven condition. ODD I think might be more murky. As I’ve said before I would’ve fit the criteria as a child and still do. But in my case it was the result of trauma. As for my child, I see the triggers and the urge to defy. Which is why I try my best to understand him and show empathy. So he doesn’t feel he needs to fight for his autonomy.
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professor




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:40 pm
Aren't all children ODD before the age of at least 12? Mine are :shrug:
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amother




Copper
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:45 pm
Zehava wrote:
Are you wheat from the other thread?


No, I am.

You didn’t “imply” it’s not real. You said “ODD is not a thing”.
Is there more than one way to translate this sentence? Please excuse me if I misunderstood as English is not my first language.

I asked you if my child spacing out during any required activity, enough to impede his learning and social life, is him tuning into his beautiful self, and you twisted the question around to me. I want your answer to this question, not my own. I know what my child’s ADD is and where it likely stems from.

What I think was implied was that if gbs child was patented gently all of his problems would disappear. Please correct me if my assumption was wrong.
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Jewishmom8




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:46 pm
Some times I think its a real thing and some times I don't
I have two children that have been diagnosed with it.
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amother




Babypink
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:47 pm
amother [ Copper ] wrote:
No, I am.

You didn’t “imply” it’s not real. You said “ODD is not a thing”.
Is there more than one way to translate this sentence? Please excuse me if I misunderstood as English is not my first language.

I asked you if my child spacing out during any required activity, enough to impede his learning and social life, is him tuning into his beautiful self, and you twisted the question around to me. I want your answer to this question, not my own. I know what my child’s ADD is and where it likely stems from.

What I think was implied was that if gbs child was patented gently all of his problems would disappear. Please correct me if my assumption was wrong.


amother, why so worked up?
Zehava can have one opinion and you can have another. You believe ODD is a real thing and she believes that it isn't.
You don't need to have the same exact parenting philosophy as Zehava.
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amother




Mauve
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:48 pm
Technically yes, as it’s in the dsm-5.
Practically, I don’t think so.
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amother




Slategray
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:48 pm
I used to babysit for a family who has 3 ODD diagnosed kids, out of 6.

Let me tell you, you can easily see it in a 2yo toddler. It looks extremely different from any other type of toddler behavior. It's hard to describe unless you are right there looking at it, but trust me, you know it's not normal.

The two older kids really struggled until they reached 17 or 18. I don't think that they were magically "cured", I think they matured and acquired life skills that helped them self regulate and make good choices.

The older girl just got married, B'H. Her mom warned the chassan that his kallah was going to be a handful!

The older boy is learning in kollel, and doing very well. He takes his oppositional nature to his chavrusa, and channels it into learning deeper.

The younger one is having a very hard time in elementary school right now, but her parents have hope that she'll be OK in time, like her older siblings.


Anon because these are specific details, and I don't want anyone guessing who this family is. They're not of the board.
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crust




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:49 pm
amother [ Copper ] wrote:
I know what my child’s ADD is and where it likely stems from.

What I think was implied was that if gbs child was patented gently all of his problems would disappear. Please correct me if my assumption was wrong.


Hi!

I don't know why you thought that that's what was implied.

I didn't take it that way.

I understood that she meant to say that
ADD can coexist with gentle parenting.
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crust




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:51 pm
amother [ Babypink ] wrote:
amother, why so worked up?
Zehava can have one opinion and you can have another. You believe ODD is a real thing and she believes that it isn't.
You don't need to have the same exact parenting philosophy as Zehava.


Because she felt accused and that we are saying that her parenting is causing the ADD.

Thanks amother wheat/copper for giving the chance to correct that.

Its not your fault.

You can still have many benefits from using gentle parenting even the child has ADD.


Last edited by crust on Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:55 pm; edited 2 times in total
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amother




Beige
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:52 pm
I see ODD as a comorbidity to something else. Especially if the comorbidity is untreated As in it is a real disorder, but all my experiences professionally working in a school for kids who are to young for juvie but exhibiting behaviors that would but them there if they where over 12, the kids had been exhibiting symptoms of a cocktail of anxiety, depression, add/adhd, trauma, asd, dysfunctional home life, mood disorders....
Sometimes kids with parents who really tried to treat the underlying issue still developed ODD, but I never met a kid with out an underlying condition/circumstance.

One caveat - the kids I worked with where involved in real criminal like behavior. There may be other situations that are different.
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amother




Copper
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:54 pm
crust wrote:
Because she felt accused and that we are saying that her parenting is causing the ADD.

Thanks amother wheat for giving the chance to correct that.

Its not your fault.

You can still have many benefits from using gentle parenting even the child has ADD.


Thank you crust. This is the first sensible post on this topic.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:54 pm
amother [ Copper ] wrote:
No, I am.

You didn’t “imply” it’s not real. You said “ODD is not a thing”.
Is there more than one way to translate this sentence? Please excuse me if I misunderstood as English is not my first language.

I asked you if my child spacing out during any required activity, enough to impede his learning and social life, is him tuning into his beautiful self, and you twisted the question around to me. I want your answer to this question, not my own. I know what my child’s ADD is and where it likely stems from.

What I think was implied was that if gbs child was patented gently all of his problems would disappear. Please correct me if my assumption was wrong.

Your assumption was wrong
What I mean by ODD not being a thing was that it’s more easily handled and doesn’t pose such a challenge when a child with ODD is parented that way. If defiance is at the root of ODD, which I’m not sure it is, then by definition if there’s less to defy then there are less power struggles hence less tension. That’s just my observation from possibly having ODD myself and possibly my child having it as well.
As for ADHD, I know it stems from a lack of dopamine in the brain. What I mean was that when being parented gently they have more opportunities to tune into their beautiful selves and with what their bodies need. For example my child who has diagnosed ADHD has more opportunities to jump around, talk loudly, and so on when being gently parented.
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