Child does not get satisfaction

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

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behappy2

Wed, Nov 18 2020, 9:07 pm

Usually when I am done a chore I feel good. I feel accomplished. If I completed a project, davened well, made someone feel good etc..My son doesn't seem to ever get this type of feeling after accomplishing something. In general he lacks motivation and once done he doesn't feel good about it. The only thing that motivates him are external things. The older he gets the more difficult it becomes to continuously motivate him as we have run out if things to give him. Is there a way to help kids like this. I am worried he will have a hard time motivating himself as an adult to work and take care of his family. He is doing very poorly at school, does almost no chores at home. He is motivated to behave bec he has empathy and cares about me otherwise he has no motivation to "be good" either. I also feel really bad for him that he is missing this joy and pleasure. What can I do?

amother

Coral

Wed, Nov 18 2020, 9:09 pm

Dopamine deficiency. Find ways to boost dopamine production.

behappy2

Wed, Nov 18 2020, 9:10 pm

amother [ Coral ] wrote:

Dopamine deficiency. Find ways to boost dopamine production.

How do you do that?

amother

Coral

Wed, Nov 18 2020, 9:23 pm

behappy2 wrote:

How do you do that?

https://selfhacked.com/blog/wa.....mine/

Tldr: l tyrosine, phenylalanine, l-dopa

behappy2

Wed, Nov 18 2020, 9:30 pm

amother [ Coral ] wrote:

https://selfhacked.com/blog/ways-to-increase-and-decrease-dopamine/

Tldr: l tyrosine, phenylalanine, l-dopa

Thanks so much! Do these things really work, is it worth putting in the effort or is it more like a 15 percent increase?

amother

Coral

Wed, Nov 18 2020, 10:11 pm

behappy2 wrote:

Thanks so much! Do these things really work, is it worth putting in the effort or is it more like a 15 percent increase?

I think it's worth a shot.

amother

Emerald

Wed, Nov 18 2020, 10:47 pm

Does he really get it from nothing at all? If he passes a hard level on a video game, for example, does he feel great about it?

BTW, personally, I don't get satisfaction from many tasks. For example, I may like having a clean house, bit I don't care at all how it gets that way. I get no more satisfaction out of doing it myself than if someone else does it.

amother

Emerald

Wed, Nov 18 2020, 10:53 pm

Also, I have a kid kind of like this, on the autism spectrum. We were warned to be careful about ABA use because it can kill natural motivation, but for so many things, he had none. If you need to keep using external motivation, for older kids I recommend incremental ones. DS wanted a package of a certain kind of collector cards. We got them, and are doling them out one card per task or set of tasks. Brush teeth and wash face? Card. Pick up clothes off floor and put in the laundry basket? Another card.

He does have motivation for certain things, that I would never consider important. Would your ds do certain tasks if he needed to do them to get to something he really wanted? Skill external, but naturally so, the same reason people work at jobs they don't love to get money.

amother

Coral

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 8:57 am

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

Dopamine issues in autism spectrum disorders are fairly well documented.

amother

Emerald

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 9:00 am

amother [ Coral ] wrote:

Dopamine issues in autism spectrum disorders are fairly well documented.

And? He has motivation, and satisfaction. But only for very specific things.

behappy2

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 9:22 am

When playing games, the rush is from winning, and yes, he enjoys accumulating things. If his class has a contest he wants to earn tickets (the most of course) but at home without competition he couldnt care less. If he plays a game with me and loses he has a tantrum like a small child.

It's questionable if he is on the autistic spectrum. The older he gets the less it appears likely.

There isnt anything he even wants at this point that I can afford.

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