Do you wake up for them?

amother

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 6:57 am

If you have a teen son leaving every day early morning to yashiva do you wake up to walk him out? I feel like such a bad mother. My son leaves like 6:30 and sometimes I do hear him preparing before he leaves and I dont have energy coming out of bed . Ive told him in the past that sometimes I'm up and he can knock on my door before he leaves , he never does . He is very independent and not a needy type. It makes me feel awful that he doesn't have this need of coming to me he manages on his own. 15 year old. He comes home very late and I feel terrible that I dont at least walk him out in the morning. Is it selfish of me if I sleep when he leaves or if I stay in bed??

amother

Apricot

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 7:03 am

I have had a few kids in high school who have left about or before 7am. I get up for about 5 minutes to sit or talk with them for for short time. They have definitely told me that many of their classmates' mothers do not.

Is your dh up and around at all?

amother

Vermilion

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 7:07 am

My son dorms but comes home a couple times a week. When he goes back the next morning he has to wake up 5:30. The first few times I got up with him. Now my husband does. But mostly because he won’t wake up on his own even with an alarm. As much as I thought I would get up with him each time, it’s just too much for me. I think it’s nice if you do, but if you can’t then you can’t.

amother

Lilac

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 7:18 am

I make sure to come into the kitchen 10 minutes before. Walking them to the door and wishing them a good day is so important.
Most moms are looking for ways to connect to their teen. This is your opportunity.
You can curl back in bed after.

salt

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 7:26 am

I have usually been in the past when I've had boys leaving early, but I usually get up early anyway, so it's not an effort for me.
If my kids come home after I go to sleep, I often leave them a note.
You could do that some mornings - a bit hard to think of something original to write every morning, but say twice a week. Could add a little chocolate or piece of cake sometimes.

lucite

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 8:17 am

I wake up for my son, first few days its hard ( I went back to bed after) then I got use to it, now its not hard anymore, I know he appreciates it

cuties' mom

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 8:23 am

If my younger son has school, we're all up at 6 anyway. If high school ds is the only one with school, either dh or I make sure he is awake at 6 and go back to bed. Ds knows he can come to our room if he needs anything, but he also knows that his autistic brother has a mommy radar that detects if I'm out of bed. I try to stay in bed as long as possible.

amother

Pewter

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 8:51 am

With my older boys sometimes I did sometimes I didn’t, but they all knew to come in my room to say good bye even if I was sleeping. If the weather was really cold or raining or snowing I would take them to the bus stop with the car.
Now my 11 yr old is out by 6:45. He told me that he does not want me to get up because he knows I need my sleep. It’s so cute if I do get up for him he makes me go back to bed.
I’m very lucky that his bus stop is in front of the house.
I try to be home when they get home from yeshiva.

SivanMom

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 9:04 am

I don't and don't feel guilty about it. My husband sees him at the bus stop when he walks to shul. When it's really cold or raining my husband drives him to the corner (where his shul is) and my son waits in the car till the bus comes. I do wait up for him to get home though, even though I'm pregnant now and it's hard. I schmooze with him and make sure he has something to eat.

keym

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 9:08 am

I try to.
For 5 minutes. Just a smile, hatzlocha, good luck on your spelling test.
I think it's really important for the human connection.
It helps if I think of my teens as toddlers (threenagers). Physically big enough, but they still need their Mommy even if they're too cool to say so. So the same way I force myself to get up with my 3 year old and help him use the bathroom at 5, I'll get up with my 13 year old pat his shoulder, remind him to take a sweatshirt and wish him a good day.

amother

Puce

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 9:40 am

I don't.

It's too much for me. I'm up with a baby during the night, and getting out of bed too early really kills the rest of my day. I'm always short tempered on the days I drive minyan carpool Sad

I'd rather greet him happily when he comes home and have a pleasant evening with him.

Chaya123

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 9:42 am

I have this with my high school daughter. I wake up when she does but doze back off and told her so many times to come tell me before she leaves but she doesn't want to wake me up and then I feel bad...

amother

Natural

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 9:42 am

I would try to a few days a wk.on other days leave him a note on kitchen table the night before saying "have a a great day, wanna hear all about it". Or something.
You could even leave him out a treat every cple of weeks (breakfast muffin he likes or chocolate bar).
If he has a fone u cld text him later in morn to say" I'm just thinking of u and so proud to hear u leave so punctually" or something.

I have a very independent teen and what I've come to learn is even though she doesn't NEED me or lean on me as much as others, she still appreciates when I'm there....so often I do the above.
Hope this helps

amother

Copper

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 9:46 am

I do. Many of my DDs' parents don't but I just think it is nice for them. They are so tired and get less sleep than I do, and I know mornings are hard for them. I feel the least I can do is be available and help them in the morning. But that is just me.

amother

Vermilion

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 10:28 am

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

We speak on the phone multiple times a day. He tells me that his friends comment how much time he spends on the phone with us. So I think we’re good there Smile

I just really don’t do well on little sleep.

You gotta do what works for you.

amother

Purple

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 12:26 pm

I used to...
I do ask him to come into my room in the morning before he leave so I can wish him a great day...
He does that every morning.

ShishKabob

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 12:29 pm

It depends where you're up to in life. I have to admit, they leave at 7:00 not 6:30, and yes, I have tried to make an effort to be up and to send them off with a coffee or hot cocoa and to prepare their snack. I know they could do it themselves, I just want to convey that I care about them and give them that personal attention. They don't bh demand it like the younger ones, but they are still beings that thrive with the extra care. If I'm exhausted or had a hard night for whatever reason, I won't go crazy to shlep out of bed. But I try to do it more often than not.

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 12:48 pm

No I don't. It's too much for me. I have 3-4 of them all leaving before 7:00 am so at least they keep each other company. Wake each other up, share the bathroom, etc.
I don't feel guilty about it. I allow them to bake muffins or cookies every week to grab on the way out.

amother

cornflower

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 12:50 pm

I wake them between 6:45-7:15. And then drive some at 7:30.
So I’m up.
My baby and toddler come along. But bec of them I’m often up even earlier.
I used to wait out for those 7:00 buses with my boys but unfortunately I haven’t done that in awhile.

thunderstorm

Thu, Nov 19 2020, 1:12 pm

It depends on the day. I’m often still asleep. Sometimes I’m the one making sure he’s awake. But I don’t walk him to the door. Just ask him if he took food to eat (which he usually refuses) and wish him a good day. I then have supper waiting for him when he gets home at 6:30 and we shmooze a bit before he goes back at 7:45 for night Seder.