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My daughter won't stop talking
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amother


 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2008, 1:38 am
I love her dearly, I really do, don't think I'm a bad mom for saying this but she just won't shut up!
she goes on and on and on and on and when she sees me starting to get irritated its "can I just say one more thing?" but its simply never one more thing.

I'm at my wits end, I don't know what to do with her. Its not just me, people outside the family notice it as well but they don't have to live with it.
She makes my head spin so much when she gets started and when she is the only one home with me I can simply go out of my mind.

How do I train her to curb it and recognize when its time to call it quits, without making her feel I'm not interested in what she has to say?
The other issue is she takes too many sentences to even say just one thing, she doesn't know how to cut to the chase and tell me only the main important details of whatever it is she wants to say. I think she got that from her father LOL

please help me ladies, I'm really at my wits end!

she is 7
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grin




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2008, 1:54 am
I'm not sure if this will help, but MANY of my children are chatterboxes and that's the "positive" attention. (If I don't listen "enough", then the acting up starts.) Yes, they got it from their Dad, but they need the reassurance that I'm hearing them out.

Maybe she'll listen to reasoning, like setting a time limit to these "conversations" when she'll have your undivided attention, and then she knows she has to give you a break until the next time.
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Amital




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2008, 2:26 am
My son, who is nearly 4, loves to tell lo-o-o-o-o-o-ng stories and talk my ear off. I try to think of it in a positive light: He is extremely bright and verbal, he has a truly amazing imagination, and he understands so much about the world. He asks intelligent questions and he is very curious. Very Happy

Other things that work for me include turning the radio/cd off in the car so we can talk then, while we are "stuck" and he can have my full attention, offering a distraction if I'm desperate, and asking him to help me work while he tells stories. For example, I'll say "Mommy needs to get our food and house ready for Shabbat, but if you help, then I'll be able to listen to your stories!" He likes to stir my cakes and other concoctions, crack the eggs, help knead the challah, dust the house, organize the shoes, fold the laundry, etc., but only for a while, and then he goes off to play on his own initiative--and my ears get a rest!

As for getting things said quickly, this is a pet peeve of my with my DH and family in-law, who can take 5 minutes to say one thing sometimes. For my husband, I can ask for the highlights, but for my son, after he's done, I often ask about the main ideas of the story. We think of the top 3 or 5 important points together! But this might be something you need to teach--I don't think it comes naturally, especially early on.
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Imaonwheels




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2008, 2:48 am
My son came home from gan when he was 4 with a LARGE note pinned to him. "Shmuel allowed the melamed to speak as well". Sometimes it comes as an attention getter, sometimes the child feels no one is listening. And sometimes the child is overflowing with thought and his ability to control himself hasn't matured yet.

I suggest engaging him her in discussion when you are alone together and gently reminding her when it is not appropriate. Older kids though can be a problem. Thats how mine was made fun of for never shutting up and my chubby one got the name "bitonada" (large cement slabs used as blockade).
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Tamiri




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2008, 3:12 am
Don't shoot me, but sometimes it's a sign of ADD.
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grin




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2008, 3:20 am
amitalmaia wrote:
for my son, after he's done, I often ask about the main ideas of the story. We think of the top 3 or 5 important points together! But this might be something you need to teach--I don't think it comes naturally, especially early on.

I think that's a wonderful idea and teaching tool for organized thinking!! I've got to try that one (at least with my younger ones...)
thanks so much for the idea! Very Happy
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mimivan




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2008, 4:17 am
mine can be a chatterbox (but not to such an extreme) and I do not want to complain because he had such a speech delay, I am saying baruch hashem he can finally talk...

But Is it annoying?..Yes sometimes.

I find it is good to sit down and really have some concentrated time with your child. You could try "coaching" her on how to speak more succinctly....Tell me a story...okay, would you like to say the same thing using fewer words? How about X, YZ..

You could make a game of it: see how few words it can take you to say such and such or tell such and such a story...

remind her if she talks less she can do more and play more...and you will be able to listen more...

just some ideas.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2008, 4:20 am
OP here
Tamiri wrote:
Don't shoot me, but sometimes it's a sign of ADD.


no she doesn't have ADD!

she has auditory processing disorder which a great deal of kids have but that's about it. other then that her IQ is on the high everage end and would be above average if it weren't for the processing issue.


amitalmaia wrote:
for my son, after he's done, I often ask about the main ideas of the story. We think of the top 3 or 5 important points together! But this might be something you need to teach--I don't think it comes naturally, especially early on.
thanks for reminding me, I was told by a professional to do that.

She also repeats her sentences, like she will say the same sentence 3 times in succession right after one another. I think its because she is thinking about what she is saying while she is saying it rather then before and probably has to learn to think about what she wants to say first before she says it.

Edited. Please do not be rude. If you can't take the advice given, perhaps ask somewhere else. -Crayon210
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HindaRochel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2008, 4:37 am
ADD and ADHD are often quite intelligent children.
My daughter is very intelligent, and she is a chatterbox. She just doesn't know how to be silent. I'm very happy to know it is part and parcel of the syndrome (thanks Tamarii).

It is hard. One of my friends has a child like this and her phrase is "is there a caboose at the end of this train?" ie get to the point.

Perhaps you can try and simplify her statements for her? ie, if she goes on and on repeat the sentence for her "The dog ate your homework and now you have to do it again."
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Tamiri




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2008, 6:05 am
HindaRochel wrote:
ADD and ADHD are often quite intelligent children.
My daughter is very intelligent, and she is a chatterbox. She just doesn't know how to be silent. I'm very happy to know it is part and parcel of the syndrome (thanks Tamarii).
"


Been there, doing that. My most intelligent child (in Bar Ilan at age 17, regular student) is afflicted, alas, with ADD. And non stop chattering when he's not taking the meds.

OP you ASKED what it could be and how to deal with it, don't get all offended when people make suggestions. Also, it's always good not to be too defensive, as you may learn something - if not about your own children, then about others. Also, if you know she has XYZ disorders, then why ask here? Ask the people who diagnosed her!
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Shaz




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2008, 7:30 am
Just be careful how you tell her to stop. I was/am very talkative (with no other issues), I'm just a verbal person. I was told to "shut up" or "keep quiet", "stop singing", "you have verbal diarreah", etc. It was very hurtful and gave me a complex that people aren't interested in what I have to say.
My DD is very talkative and I try find ways of finishing up a conversation with her that doesn't involve focussing on the fact that she's talking "too much".

(My parents said the verbal diarreah thing as a joke, and they weren't abusive, they were/are loving parents, just didn't know what to do with a talkative DD.)
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amother


 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2008, 8:56 am
amother wrote:
I love her dearly, I really do, don't think I'm a bad mom for saying this but she just won't shut up!
she goes on and on and on and on and when she sees me starting to get irritated its "can I just say one more thing?" but its simply never one more thing.

I'm at my wits end, I don't know what to do with her. Its not just me, people outside the family notice it as well but they don't have to live with it.
She makes my head spin so much when she gets started and when she is the only one home with me I can simply go out of my mind.

How do I train her to curb it and recognize when its time to call it quits, without making her feel I'm not interested in what she has to say?
The other issue is she takes too many sentences to even say just one thing, she doesn't know how to cut to the chase and tell me only the main important details of whatever it is she wants to say. I think she got that from her father LOL

please help me ladies, I'm really at my wits end!

she is 7


I think that for more talkative children this age is ESPECIALLY like that. I dont think your daughter is that uncommon. When you talk to her its better to give 15 minutes of full attention and do nothing else rather than an hour of half attention while doubling up and getting stuff done. Then to wind it up I would try saying now I have to xyz, give the child a hug, tell her you enjoyed the talk, or some other positive comment, and its ok for her to know sometimes adults just need some quiet, dont say she talks too much.
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2008, 10:07 am
I h ave that sometimes, and I remind DH that he needs to listen, too !!!!!
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mama-star




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 07 2008, 9:07 pm
OP, when I started reading this I was thinking, "gee, this sounds like my 8 year old dd," and I got a laugh at the end when you said she's 7. I think it's pretty normal for them to be chatterboxes at this age.

sometimes when my dd goes off on one of her rants I just semi-ignore her. sometimes I say I am tired and need a little quiet.

my dd is also a very creative and smart child, and I'm sure yours is too.

NACHAS!

Very Happy
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 07 2008, 9:15 pm
kids need to know you hear them no matter what ... please be very very gentle ... how you ask for quiet time ...

as for high iq and adhd they go hand in hand usually ...
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BlumaG




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 07 2008, 9:41 pm
both my girls r that way n they r 2 n 4 , sometimes I tell them they can talk to me soon but I cant listen right then..or I tell her to tell tatty Wink
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Mimisinger




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 07 2008, 9:46 pm
I must say that every time I see this thread pop up I get so po'd. The thread title is so RUDE! CH"V you should tell anyone esp. your child to shut up. So rude and disgusting. Why couldn't it have been "won't stop talking!!"
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 07 2008, 9:51 pm
mimi-its ok to say to another adult "wont shut up". its not to the child.

there are girls that wont close thier mouth-my niece, my neighbors dd..its ok to bring to thier att that sometimes its good to rest the mouth and take a break and not talk. when ds talks non stop we would once in a long while play the "quiet game" see how long it can take until someone talks again.
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mama-star




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 07 2008, 9:56 pm
yes greenfire, 100% - it's important not to demean the child.
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amother


 

Post Wed, May 07 2008, 10:22 pm
OP here. I haven't read this thread in a while

Tamiri wrote:


OP you ASKED what it could be
NO I did NOT

Quote:
and how to deal with it
that I did, but I did not ask for diagnosis

Quote:
, don't get all offended when people make suggestions. Also, it's always good not to be too defensive, as you may learn something - if not about your own children, then about others.




Tamiri and hinda rochel I'm going to say this again.
my daughter does not have add or adhd or any form of autism or anything on the aspergers spectrum or any pervasive developmental disorder.

I have had her assessed for issues in school and the only thing we came up with I already spoke about, we have dealt with it and now the issues seem to be under control!
end of story, you got that? not add no adhd. I'm not defensive I'm just disgusted with how the label get's thrown around too easily.

I've also been through a hard time with different one of my kid's that the teachers didn't want to follow through the work they were recommended by professionals to do for her issues and preferred to find a label. They very much wanted her to be assessed and diagnosed with aspergers and all the professionals themselves were getting disgusted and telling me to stop coming for assessments since I did it already and now all that remains is for the teachers to follow through with the advice given.

If you saw that same child today you would be mad at what we went through. She is now doing beautifully since she finally got some decent teachers who listened to me and she also matured.

so yes I get more then annoyed when I read suggestions made to anonymous people that their kids are add or adhd


Quote:
Also, if you know she has XYZ disorders, then why ask here? Ask the people who diagnosed her!
because it has nothing to do with the auditory thing. (a very minor issue mind you)
Its her personality. So said the professionals.
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